“I know these Valentine cards are expensive, but aren’t your wife, girlfriend and mistress worth it?”

(by Diane Weisman)

My original caption: “Valentine’s Day cards? Certainly, sir. For or against?”

Congrats, Diane Weisman, on your ninth win! Your first victory was way back in 2016, in Contest No. 99, and your most recent victory was not that long ago, in Contest No. 204. I hope you will be celebrating wildly and whooping up the fact that once again you are one of the funniest people around.

I was surprised at the great amount of  bitterness that was evident in many of the submitted captions. I hope you Captioneers are not confusing mean-spirited bitterness or sarcasm with genuinely funny humor, because those elements don’t usually work well together.

Here are the other entries that I was seriously considering:

“What would you like to communicate to your wife’s attorney?” (by Michael Lomazow)

“Valentine’s Day is not a holiday where you buy one card and get one free.” (also by Diane Weisman)

“Have you tried our new “Grumpy Old Man’ Section?” (by Lee Lacewell)

“Don’t you think sending the I.R.S. a ‘Better Luck Next Time’ card is asking for trouble?” (also by Michael Lomazow)

“You got me — perhaps we should carry sympathy cards for those who lost in their Super Bowl pool.” (by Gary)

“Why yes, Sir . . . we carry Wedding and Sympathy cards . . . but not combined.” (by Kay Ralph)

Contest No. 210 will be posted in due course, so be on the lookout for it. Thanks for participating, Captioneers!

Contest No. 209 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption that you enter has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, February 14, 2024 (yes, St. Valentine’s Day).

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!

“Sorry, but I am dedicating this book to my mother.”

(by Silvana Lagrotteria)

My original caption: “Who did you think makes up all those lawyer jokes?”

Congratulations, Silvana Lagrotteria, on this, your first victory. You have now earned that auspicious title, One Of The Funniest People Around, and can legitimately bask in the glory that it confers.

Here are the other captions that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“There’s nothing here that entitles you to the bottom bunk.” (by Harvey Appelbaum)

“It’s titled ‘From Excel to Cell: When  an Accountant Goes Bad’.” (by Kelly)

“Pout all you want, but you will only be a footnote.” (by Scott Malcolm)

“From your suggestions, I assume you are in for plagiarism.” (also by Silvana Lagrotteria)

“And that completes my autobiography: ‘My Life Doing Life’.” (by Pat Foley)

Contest No. 209 will be posted in due course, so be on the lookout for it right here. Thanks for participating, Captioneers!

Contest No. 208 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption that you enter has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, January 17, 2024.

Good luck, Captioneers, and I wish you all a Happy and Healthy 2024!

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.