Eli's Cartoon Caption Contest No. 151

Contest No. 151 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I'll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on "Add New Comment". Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. You will also be asked to verify that you are a human being and not a robot. Please follow the instructions in the "Captcha" box. Then (3) click "Save".

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. Also, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else's similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, September 17, 2019.   

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.


"The good news is your heart is like a 23 year old, but the bad news is you will probably out live your retirement money!"

"The Good News is ... I can't find anything wrong with you ...
The Bad News is ... I am a VETERINARIAN! You're looking for
the CLINIC across the street."

"You sir, have the body of a 'FIFTY' year old ...
A shame, you're only 'TWENTY-NINE'!"

Mr. Smith, I have good and bad news to tell you. The bad news is that you look lousy, the good news is there is nothing wrong with you.

"Don't tell me your whole history, I need some wiggle room."

"OK, that was the part you'll forget. Now for the parts you'll ignore."

"No, you can't list WebMD as your primary care doctor."

"It's called a stress test. I give the test and you stress out about it."

"It's a dual procedure: I'm going to drain the fluid from your ears while also draining your checking account."

"My diagnosis is you're old, but feel free to get a second opinion."

"Yes, Mr. Lawrence, I'm a PROCTOLOGIST ... but, I
recommend that you see a PSYCHOLOGIST ... for your

Now, to avoid any repetition of this unpleasantness
in the future ... Please repeat this adage, after me ...
'Suppositories Are NOT To Be Swallowed!"

"No need for alarm, Mr. Davis ... You had a little
fainting spell, when you received your wife's Medical
Bill ... Then, we performed a WALLETectomy!"

So, what is it about your 80th birthday that makes you think you're supposed to be a woman?

"'REMEMBER ME,' Mr. Astles ... Biology 101 - Class of 2000...
You said I'd never amount to anything!!"

"The Flu shot is next week, Mr. Carlson."

We have to stop meeting like this, the nurses are getting suspicious.

I told you that you had six months to live....you said “but Doc, how will I pay your bill?..”. So, I’ll give you another six months!!!!

“...there’s no need to cut that thing off...pretty soon it will fall off all by itself!!!!”

Sir, the showers are down the hall.

Well, I'm going to need a brighter light if you want me to find a hair up there!

Put the lime in the coconut and you'll feel better.

"I appreciate the enthusiasm, but since I'm your dentist, you can leave the shirt on."

"If I had what you have, I wouldn't worry about a second opinion!"

"Let me put it this way , I can put you on a six-month payment plan, but you'll have to pay in full in thirty days!"

"When I snap my fingers, you will awaken ...
With a Mindfulness, that FRIES are Not your FRIENDS!"

"So ... you say you've NEVER experienced
Any symptoms of NARCOLEPSY, Mr. Porter?"

"My diagnosis is hypochondria. But you'll feel better soon. I'm prescribing placebos."

"Mr. Anderson, You know you're coming in far too often...
When you acquire a Nasty Burn on your scalp, like that...
From my overhead examining light!"

"Mr. Wright, trust me ... That examining light,
is NOT stimulating Hair Growth!"

Get your eyes tested Mr Smith,this is a doctors surgery,not a tanning salon.

Whats Wrong? Beats me? I just always wanted a giant light and a stethoscope.

If you could just flip that switch to turn on the giant shower, it should wash away all your ailments.

At least your wife should be happy about the hair loss on your back.

For an extra $20 I can switch the light to 'tan' mode.

To my amusement ... I discovered that this cartoon picture was a bit of an OPTICAL ILLUSION for ME! I had entered a few captions, before noticing that the patient's EYES were CLOSED - or so I thought. I then added the Hypnotism and Narcolepsy captions, in keeping with the closed eyes. (I wondered why no one else took the closed eyes into account.) Now, I know why! With my Large screen on ... I see that the eyes were OPEN!! It is funny, though, (if you look at the cartoon) ... I took the top, curved line for the eyebrow - the eyeball dot ... for the bridge of the nose - And, the curved, bottom line of the eye ... resembled a closed eye. Can you see it... or is it just me?

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