Eli's Cartoon Caption Contest No. 119

Contest No. 119 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I'll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on "Add New Comment". Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click "Save".

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. Also, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest.  This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else's similar spontaneous caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, June 13, 2017.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.


Please stop calling, I am not the department of lost and found

I'd like to order more dots for my sweater.

Honey, I need a new electric shaver -- this one is broken.

If this is really Eli Stein calling, then I am voting for my recent entry in your contest. No, I don't care what you wrote many years ago!

What time do you eat dinner? I'll call you back.

"I am 'unavailable'!!!!!"

Hello revenue department. I just thought I'd let you know I received the wrong papers. These ones seem to belong to some guy named Stein.

Ok, but be quick. I need to get back to see if Garfield still hates Mondays?

"No, I do not want a subscription to Fit Pregnancy magazine."

"Why would I want a subscription to Fit Pregnancy magazine. What, it's only ten cents an issue? OK, sign me up for two years."

"No, I'm not interested...I said, I'm not interested...Stop calling me...Oh alright, I'll put the chicken in the oven, Honey."

"Hello, Jones residence...IRS?...Smith residence"

"You're coming back to live with us? Sorry, you have the wrong number."


"I can't talk now...I just stepped out of the shower."

"911?, I want to report a robbery. A telemarketer just stole five minutes of my life."

"You put me on hold for twenty minutes. What...press one for English...two for Spanish?"

"Honey, I told you never to call me at home...I don't care if you're my wife."

"Why are you breathing so hard? Wait, you probably want to speak to my wife."

"You're a telemarketer? I think you want to call me back when I'm eating."

"You totaled the car and you're in the hospital? I'll be right there...what garage did they tow the car to?"


Yes, I'm Harry Meismendelfalinfeffersolakofsky...but you have the wrong number."

"Hold on, I'll get my wife...Oh, you are my wife!"

"Son, why do you only call when you need money? Actually, that does make sense."

"Harriet, this is your father. What do you mean, "What father?"...Your mother's husband!"

"You've got to do something about your bad breath...I can smell it on the phone!"

"I can't hear you, you're breaking up. Just go see a marriage counselor."

"No, I don't want free magazines or cruises...but if you have any free beer, I'm all ears!"

"I'm calling on my land-line phone, I don't have Wi-Fi, Bluetooth or Skype, and...I don't even know what I'm talking about!"

"I've been waiting for the cable guy for five hours. I'd like to check on his status. Oh, he's married with four children and belongs to a country club. Well, that makes me feel better waiting!"

"I'd like to order a pizza with anchovies, salami, extra cheese and mushrooms, and... don't let my wife know!"

"Psychic Hot Line?...You just over billed me for $5000 dollars. Oh, you knew that already, huh?"

"You're twenty one, sexy, and filthy rich? Believe me...I'm REALLY sorry you have the wrong number!"

"You only have one live representative...and she hasn't got much time to live?!"

So, what are you wearing?

I was just perusing your newspaper and I would like you to know that the report of my death is premature.

Is this the 'National Do Not Call Registry?'...Can I add my mother's telephone number to the list?

"I'd rather you call me back when I'm eating...I can't stand my wife's pot roast."

I strongly object to your premise in today's editorial; "Getting Lucky After A Condo Board Meeting"

"He's dead! Can you try back a little later!"

"My parents always taught me to never give money to strangers over the phone"!

"YES"! "Send me all the magazines you have here"!

"Sorry pal, the wife maxed out all our credit cards, can I send you cash instead"?

"Let me put it this way....NO"!

"Yes, of course, please sign me up for "unlimited telemarketer call's", day or night"!

"Kathy Griffin survey? OK, if she had driven Tiger Woods home after that White House party, they'd both still have careers and Alec Baldwin would be alive!"

"OK, I'll donate this one-time, but you promise you'll never call me back again, right"?

"Sure, put me down for $5 million! I'll pay ya next Tuesday!"

Honey, the paper says someone has been arrested for public urination, do you need bail?


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