Eli's Cartoon Caption Contest No. 74

Contest No. 74 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I'll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on "Add New Comment". Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click "Save". Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission.

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions for this contest is midnight Tuesday, October 14, 2014.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your caption. 


1. "Would you like the e-cigarette or non e-cigarette section?"

2. "Jacket, tie, and greasing the maître d's palm, required."

I'm sorry. Thanks for telling me you"re both gay and happy, but that's not the gay that will get you admitted.

"Sorry sir, but I am familiar with Mr. Obama"

1. It's nice meeting your wife after meeting your 25 nieces."

2. "I'm sorry, the complimentary dinner on your tour package is at the hot dog cart on the corner."

"Will you be paying by check, Visa, or taking out a mortgage?"

Yeah, it's everyone's birthday today.

May I recommend takeout?

I'm sorry. I didn't know she's your wife- I thought she was your mother

I'm sorry sir- That 1/2 price coupon you have is only good between 3 and 4am on a Thursday.

Yes,sir- we believe in women's rights, so we have a Menu and a Womenu.

"I'm sorry sir but all the empty tables are reserved for the Pitt-Jolie party."

Your reservation was for 8 and it's now five after 8. Sorry,you're out of luck

Yes, the reason I look familiar to you is because you were my boss until you fired me. Sorry, we're all filled up.

This is a restaurant catering to athletes. The only way you can get to a table is to jump over the rope.

Sorry, Mr. Scmutz, I can't allow you in. We require buttons on your jacket.

When you were my High School Guidance Advisor you told me that good things will come to me if I wait. So I became a wait-er.

1. "If you're not the Pope, President, or Derek Jeter, you'll wait six hours like everyone else."

2. "Want to treat me to dinner? I've only got a table for three."

3. "Sure you can look at the menu. That'll be $29.99."

4. "Dinner? This is the line for tomorrow's lunch."

5. "And this is just the children's menu."

I feel very bad when you tell me you are going to hang yourself, but the rope is not for sale.

I realize you make a living as a Strong Man, but I can't sell you the rope because you want to pull a tug boat.

I know you are both detectives and you here to raid our illegal gambling joint, but I can't allow you in.

I wouldn't cross the line, Monsieur. That would be crossing the line.

Please remove shoes, wallets, belts, laptops, anything in your pockets...

The Ferris wheel is full, I'm afraid. But I could get you a tilt-a-whirl.

Two for waiting?

Tonight is Buy One Get One in your Dreams.

Mr. Stein, I am sorry but we only permit nice people here, certainly not cartoonists!

1. "Of course you can have a complementary drink while you're waiting. Just cup your hands under the bathroom faucet."

2. Look, if you're too hungry to wait, just go back to your room and eat the mints on your pillows."

3. This place isn't for you. You're more of a corndog guy."

4. "We only serve 'A' listers, and you guys look like you're definitely 'Zs'."

5. "We're so exclusive, I just gave Warren Buffet a table next to the bathroom."

You have some nerve!!! That's my wife you're with.

I just want to let you know,head waiter, that the man standing at the coat room is your long lost twin brother.

Yes we have authentic Chinese cuisine made by our Greek chef.

I am the secret food critic of the New York Times, but don't tell anyone,

1. "Trust me, you can't even afford the peanuts in the lounge."

2. "There are 24 people ahead of you...And that's just to use the bathroom."

"You've got a reservation? Hey, I've got reservations about you, as well."

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