Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 204
“My answer is ‘yarr’.”
(by Diane Weisman)
My original caption: “It’s not that I don’t like you, Tom . . . ”
Congratulations, Diane Weisman, on this, your eighth victory! Your last win was in Contest No. 185, so persistence pays off . . . well, maybe not in money, but at least in the knowledge that you are once again one of the funniest people around.
Here are the other captions that were in serious contention:
“But what about law school?” (by Michael Lomazow)
“No, Randall, I don’t want to be your ‘biker chick’.” (by Pat Foley)
“First of all it’s wife not old lady.” (by Lee Lacewell)
“My answer to will I marry you, depends on if you are a Jet or a Shark.” (also by Diane Weisman)
“It’s not me, it’s you. You look like an idiot.” (also by Michael Lomazow)
“You would rent a tux for the ceremony . . . right?” (by Kay Ralph)
“Shiver me timbers bucko — I’m just not sure if I want to be your matey.” (by Gary)
“You only love me for my booty.” (by Mark S.)
“Yes, Donald, I’ll go to Sturgis with you.” (also by Pat Foley). I’m not sure, Pat Foley, if this caption would be understood by anyone outside of the U.S.A. But it made me chuckle because ages ago my wife and I were auto-vacationing in the Western states and we quite by chance visited the gigantic annual motorcycle rally that takes place in the tiny town of Sturgis, South Dakota. It was mind-boggling!
Contest No. 205 will be posted soon enough, Captioneers, so keep on the lookout for it, and thanks for participating!
Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 204
Contest No. 204 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter your caption, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, September 27, 2023.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. This is another really ancient cartoon of mine — I’m guessing that I probably originally drew it about 60 or 65 years ago. Good luck, Captioneers!
Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 203
“Alexa? Siri wants to talk with you.”
(by Sharon)
My original caption: “Miss Marlowe, am I right-handed or left-handed?”
Congratulations, Sharon, on this, your 10th Caption Contest victory. It took a while (your last win was way back in Contest No. 175), but persistence pays off. You are once again one of the funniest people around, and you can shout it to the world.
As for my original caption (see above), I still like it very much and can’t figure out why it wasn’t snapped up and printed by at least one of my “business” publications.
Here are the other entries that I was seriously considering for top honors:
“Diane, you know I can’t multitask.” (by Diane Weisman)
“Ms. Thompson, would you find somebody to call me, please?” (by Gayden Wren)
“Hold the phone, I’m on the phone.” (by Pat Foley)
“Did I say that? . . . over the P.A. system?” (by Lee Lacewell)
“Here I am surrounded by the most advanced communications technology humanity can ever possibly aspire to, even including a matching pen and pencil, and yet I still feel empty inside.” (by Marc Eliot Stein). Do I detect a smidgen of sarcasm here, Marc??
A new contest will be posted before long, Captioneers. Keep up the good work and thanks for your participation.
Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 203
Contest No. 203 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter your caption, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, August 30, 2023.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!
Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 202
“It’s called a comb-over; you really should try it.”
(by Lee Lacewell)
My original caption: “You’re a fund-raiser? Is there a lot of money in that?”
Congratulations, Lee Lacewell, on this, your very first victory! You are now entitled to let the rest of the world know that you are officially one of the funniest people around.
Here are the other captions that were seriously in the running:
“If you invest with me, someone will get rich.” (by Michael Lomazow)
“I thought that Friday was dress down day.” (by Diane Weisman)
“So, what topics should we avoid?” (by Mark S.)
“You’ve always thought too horizontally, that’s the problem. If you think vertically, your hair will follow.” (by Jonathan Stein)
“There are the ‘haves’ and ‘have-nots’. For example . . . I have hair.” (also by Lee Lacewell)
Fear not, Captioneers, the next contest will appear in due time. Thanks very much for participating!
Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 202
Contest No. 202 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter your caption, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, August 2, 2023.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!
Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 201
“Now, Margaret . . . when you said there was going to be a baby ‘Shower’ here today, exactly what did you mean?”
(by Kay Ralph)
My original caption: “Martha! You’ve thrown out the baby with the bath water again!”
Five of the captions submitted involved the “you’ve thrown out the baby with the bath water” theme (mimicking my old original caption — you Captioneers know me too well!) and three involved an Amazon delivery. All good, dependable captions. But this time I decided to pick a winner from outside the obvious box. So congratulations, Kay Ralph, on this, your seventh victory! It was a long time coming, since your last win was way back in Contest No. 161. But the bragging rights are all yours now — once again you are one of the funniest people around.
Here are all the other captions that I was seriously considering for top honors:
“I have heard of it “Raining Cats and Dogs” . . . but, this is ridiculous!” (also by Kay Ralph)
“You threw the baby out with the bathwater again.” (by Kelly)
“Honey, our package from Amazon has arrived.” (by Diane Weisman)
“Did you order from Amazon?” (by Michael Lomazow)
“Didn’t we tell Amazon to knock when they deliver a package?!” (by Rich Wolf)
“Cheryl, it’s for you!” (also by Rich Wolf)
“I told you, don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater!” (by Jonathan Stein)
“All these years I though ‘throwing the baby out with the bath water’ was just an old wives tale.” (by Lee Lacewell)
“Honey, you really have to get more sleep . . . you threw the baby out with the bath water again!” (also by Kay Ralph)
“We’re under a conserve water order! You’ve gotta stop throwing the bathwater out with the baby!” ( also by Lee Lacewell)
“See, honey . . . I told you naming the baby Fido would confuse him!” (by Abigail)
“If this wasn’t a cartoon already, I would draw a bath for him.” (by Pat Foley)
The next Contest, No. 202, will be posted here before you can say “You’ve thrown out the baby with the bath water” one hundred times without flubbing it. Thanks for participating, Captioneers!
Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 201
Contest No. 201 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter your caption, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, July 5, 2023.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. This is another very old drawing of mine, going back many decades (one way you can tell is that I signed it “Eli Stein”, rather than just “Stein”).
Good luck, Captioneers!
The Chronicle of Higher Education, March 3, 1995
Caption: “At college, I majored in telemarketing and minored in teleconferencing.”
Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 200
“Mr. Nagle, your psychiatrist says it’s time for you to go in.”
(by Michael Lomazow)
My original caption: “Mr. Nagle is still busy, but his flunky can see you now.”
Congratulations, Michael Lomazow, on this, your fourth victory. Your caption caused a delayed reaction laugh — it took me a few moments to understand, but I really appreciated it once I realized where your gag was coming from. Well done! Once again, you can bask in the glory of being one of the funniest people around.
Here are the other captions that I was considering for top honors:
“He’ll talk to you now. Here’s the phone.” (by Pat Foley)
“Be patient. He’s having a bad ‘here’ day,” (also by Pat Foley)
“Ehay ookslay ikelay a otaltay oserlay!” (by Marc Eliot Stein)
“Sorry to bother you sir, but your patient’s patience is wearing thin waiting for your meeting.” (by Diane Weisman)
“Sorry, Rich is on an important call about niblicks vs. mashies.” (by Kelly)
“Your 9 o’clock firing is here.” (by Rich Wolf)
“He wants to know if you brought smoke and mirrors, or a dog and pony.” (by Mark S.)
“He loves a good joke. Call him Mr. Bagel and watch his reaction.” (also by Michael Lomazow)
The next contest will appear here before you know it, Captioneers. Please watch for it, and thanks for participating!
Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 200
Contest No. 200 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter your caption, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, June 7, 2023.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!
Remembrance of Sam Gross 1933-2023
It’s hard to believe. Sam Gross, a giant in the magazine gag-cartooning world, passed away last week, at the age of 89.
Sam Gross never retired. He showed up regularly on Tuesday mornings at the offices of The New Yorker to offer his latest cartoon creations, and to schmooze away with other cartoonists while awaiting his turn to see the Cartoon Editor. And afterwards he would hang around and continue schmoozing at an improvised lunch that he and a few other cartoonists arranged at some nearby restaurant.
I’m sure I must have crossed paths with Sam Gross many years ago, in the glory days of gag cartooning, on “Look Day” Wednesday. That was the day that local cartoonists invaded Manhattan to make the rounds of the Cartoon Editors of all the magazines, newspapers and syndicates that were actively purchasing gag cartoons. On a good day a cartoonist could show batches of rough cartoons to about a dozen editors, in the hope of getting some “holds” or selling a few outright. These days, the only Cartoon Editor that sees cartoonists in person is Emma Allen of the New Yorker (and the day had long ago been changed to Tuesday, instead of Wednesday).
So, as I said, Sam Gross and I must have crossed paths, but I don’t remember ever talking to him until some time in 2004, in The New Yorker waiting room. We struck up a conversation and he mentioned that he was working on yet another cartoon anthology project, a book or a daily calendar, on the subject of Law (something like his “Cats! Cats! Cats!” and “Dogs! Dogs! Dogs!” books, I imagined). He asked me if I had any good Law cartoons published that he could consider using — he was interested only in reprints, not originals. I told him that this was his lucky day, that Law was my “spec-i-al-i-tee” and that I had loads of cartoons published in The National Law Journal and similar legal publications that I’d be pleased to offer for the project. Long story short, I sent copies of my reprints to him, he selected one that had appeared in the NLJ, I signed the necessary releases, and in no time at all I received a hefty royalty check from his publisher.
That’s the kind of mensch Sam Gross was.
The above snapshot was taken in 2007, when we met at a cartoon art exhibit. That’s him on the right, with the beard, and me on the left. It looks to me like we had the same predilection for black turtle-neck shirts.
Rest in peace, Sam Gross.
Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 199
“Good job! The termites are now in control.”
(by Mark S.)
My original caption: “I’d give my right arm for a crack at that.”
Congratulations, Mark S., on your very first victory — the first of many, I hope. You have earned the bragging rights and you can shout it from the rooftops, because you are now officially one of the funniest people around.
Here are the other captions that I was seriously considering for top honors:
“Even the termites are leaving.” (by Diane)
“Let us spray.” (by Pat Foley)
“Termites might just be the best thing that could happen to this place.” (by Lee Lacewell)
“We have a non-aggression pact.” (by Michael Lomazow)
“We are the Termite-inators, we’ll be back!” (by Kay Ralph) (very clever caption, Kay Ralph, but it was narrowly edged out by Mark S.’s caption)
Cartoon Caption Contest No. 200 will be coming up real soon. Hope I can find a decent drawing to inspire you Captioneers. Thanks for participating!
Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 199
Contest No. 199 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter your caption, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, May 10, 2023.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Yes, this cartoon of mine is as old as it looks. So old that it has my parent’s address in Brooklyn rubber-stamped on the back of it — I figure it was drawn about 65 to 70 years ago. I’m sure that many of you can improve on my original caption. Good luck, Captioneers!
Dartnell, 1993
Explanation: Same explanation as for my previous posting of a Dartnell cartoon from 1995, the one I posted on April 21, 2023. In the good old days, telephone hold buttons were a vital power tool for executives. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that execs in those days didn’t have to pass a course called “Telephone Holding Techniques 101” before they could get their MBA Degree. Well, it’s fun to think about such things, anyway.
Dartnell, 1995
Explanation: This was printed in 1995, when that powerful Hold button was still being used by petty business execs to control and dominate phone conversations (as in “I’ve got an important call coming in, let me put you on hold for a minute”.)