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Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 209

“I know these Valentine cards are expensive, but aren’t your wife, girlfriend and mistress worth it?”

(by Diane Weisman)

 

My original caption: “Valentine’s Day cards? Certainly, sir. For or against?”

 

Congrats, Diane Weisman, on your ninth win! Your first victory was way back in 2016, in Contest No. 99, and your most recent victory was not that long ago, in Contest No. 204. I hope you will be celebrating wildly and whooping up the fact that once again you are one of the funniest people around.

I was surprised at the great amount of  bitterness that was evident in many of the submitted captions. I hope you Captioneers are not confusing mean-spirited bitterness or sarcasm with genuinely funny humor, because those elements don’t usually work well together.

Here are the other entries that I was seriously considering:

“What would you like to communicate to your wife’s attorney?” (by Michael Lomazow)

“Valentine’s Day is not a holiday where you buy one card and get one free.” (also by Diane Weisman)

“Have you tried our new “Grumpy Old Man’ Section?” (by Lee Lacewell)

“Don’t you think sending the I.R.S. a ‘Better Luck Next Time’ card is asking for trouble?” (also by Michael Lomazow)

“You got me — perhaps we should carry sympathy cards for those who lost in their Super Bowl pool.” (by Gary)

“Why yes, Sir . . . we carry Wedding and Sympathy cards . . . but not combined.” (by Kay Ralph)

 

Contest No. 210 will be posted in due course, so be on the lookout for it. Thanks for participating, Captioneers!

 

Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 209

Contest No. 209 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption that you enter has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, February 14, 2024 (yes, St. Valentine’s Day).

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!

Nutrition Health Review, 1995

 

Confession: I don’t know what “antioxidant cuisine” is. But back in 1995, when I drew this cartoon, I must have thought it was pretty funny. And so must have the editors of Nutrition Health Review, who bought the cartoon and printed it in their publication.

Now I will go to Google and find out exactly what I forgot over the years.

Nutrition Health Review, 1986

 

That was 1986. These days, where in the world can you get a hospital room for a measly $365.00?

Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 208

“Sorry, but I am dedicating this book to my mother.”

(by Silvana Lagrotteria)

 

My original caption: “Who did you think makes up all those lawyer jokes?”

 

Congratulations, Silvana Lagrotteria, on this, your first victory. You have now earned that auspicious title, One Of The Funniest People Around, and can legitimately bask in the glory that it confers.

Here are the other captions that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“There’s nothing here that entitles you to the bottom bunk.” (by Harvey Appelbaum)

“It’s titled ‘From Excel to Cell: When  an Accountant Goes Bad’.” (by Kelly)

“Pout all you want, but you will only be a footnote.” (by Scott Malcolm)

“From your suggestions, I assume you are in for plagiarism.” (also by Silvana Lagrotteria)

“And that completes my autobiography: ‘My Life Doing Life’.” (by Pat Foley)

 

Contest No. 209 will be posted in due course, so be on the lookout for it right here. Thanks for participating, Captioneers!

Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 208

Contest No. 208 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption that you enter has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, January 17, 2024.

Good luck, Captioneers, and I wish you all a Happy and Healthy 2024!

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. 

Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 207

“We’re in agreement then, Santa: You handle the ho-ho-ho, we’ll handle the dough-dough-dough.”

(by Anya)

 

My original caption: “Santa! How are you? How’s the wife? The elves? The reindeer?”

 

A great big congratulations, Anya, on this, your first victory. You have now joined the ranks of “one of the funniest people around”, and can enjoy all the bragging rights that go with the title.

Here are the other captions that were in serious contention:

“I’m personally thanking every Santa! This year’s rally made me a millionaire.” (by Brendan F Gannon)

“You got me exactly what I needed when I was young, so I’m going to provide you with the exact insurance coverage you need.” (by Scott Malcolm)

“”I’ll just need to verify the elves’ employment paperwork and I’ll be out of your beard!” (by Sagie)

“Aren’t you a little late for Halloween?” (by Diane Weisman)

“Don’t forget to report your earnings to the IRS.” (by Pat Foley)

“If I donate this briefcase, loaded with cash, will you stop ringing that irritating bell for the rest of the evening?” (by Lee Lacewell)

“Hello! My name is Timmy Montoyo. You killed my grandmother (with your Reindeer). Prepare to die.” (also by Scott Malcolm)  This caption was never actually in contention, Scott Malcolm, but I’m a big fan of “The Princess Bride”, and it brought a smile to my face. Thanks.

 

Contest No. 208 will be posted here in due time, Captioneers, so be on the lookout for it, and thanks for participating!

Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 207

Contest No. 207 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter your caption, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, December 20, 2023.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!

Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 206

“I guess ‘B’ wasn’t the answer to every question.”

(by Rich Wolf)

 

My original caption: “Personally, I thought that my quiz answers were well within the community standards.”

 

Congrats, Rich Wolf, on this, your latest victory. It’s your seventeenth win in a string that goes back more than six years, to your first win in Contest No. 124 in 2017. Can there be any doubt that you are truly one of the funniest people around?

Here are the other captions that were being considered seriously for top honors:

“I don’t know why the teacher failed me. I answered each question with ‘I cannot answer because it may incriminate me’.” (by Diane)

“I’ll never be accused of being a nerd.” (by Pat Foley)

“I didn’t know you could get fired from grade school.” (by Mark S.)

“Why learn the ABC’s? We already know MTV, FOX, PBS, NBC, CBS and CTN. ” (by Lee Lacewell)

“Ms. Landers is giving us this article on ‘The Benefits of Home Schooling’ to take home to our parents.” (also by Lee Lacewell)

“Do you think if I turned it upside-down, my parents would believe I got a 96?” (by Jonathan Stein).  [Sorry, Jonathan, but 69 turned upside-down is still 69. Nice try, though. Did anybody else catch this?]

“She gave me an ‘F’ on the note I passed in class.” (by Scott Malcolm)

“She accused me of cheating. We’re not even married.” (also by Scott Malcolm)

“Innit okay to use ain’t?” (by Kelly)  [It’s okay by me, Kelly . . . innit okay by you?]

Fear not, Captioneers, Contest No. 207 will be posted in due time. Keep a sharp lookout for it, and thanks for continuing to give it the old college try!

Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 206

Contest No. 206 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter your caption, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, November 22, 2023.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!

Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 205

“I guess we’re both sleeping in the dog house tonight.”

(by Jonathan Stein)

 

My original caption: “Don’t tell me — let me guess — your mother’s here.”

 

Congratulations, Jonathan Stein, on this, your fourth victory. And it’s been a long time coming — your last win was ages ago, in Contest No. 150. You’re definitely one of the funniest people around and you’ve earned the right to declare it from the rooftops (even if it’s only from doghouse rooftops).

Here are the other captions that were under serious consideration for top honors:

“I’m taking the mutt for a walk in ten minutes. You’ll probably need your coat.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“I’m leaving you so he can have the doghouse all to himself.” (by Ken Wilkinson)

“Looks like we both have to go.” (by Rich Wolf)

“I know you like sniffing around, but now you have our dog doing it.” (by Diane)

“His name is Liberace. The pet shop owner said ‘of all the dogs they’ve sold over the last ten years he’s the pee-n-ist’.” ( by Lee Lacewell)

“Just remember, Buddy, you’re my best friend. She’s just my wife.” (by Scott Malcolm)

 

Contest No. 206 will be coming up before you know it, Captioneers, so be on the lookout for it. Keep those funny captions coming, and thanks for participating!

Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 205

Contest No. 205 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter your caption, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, October 25, 2023.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Once again, this is another ancient cartoon of mine — I’m guessing that I probably originally drew it about 60 or 65 years ago. Good luck, Captioneers!

Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 204

“My answer is ‘yarr’.”

(by Diane Weisman)

 

My original caption: “It’s not that I don’t like you, Tom . . . ”

 

Congratulations, Diane Weisman, on this, your eighth victory! Your last win was in Contest No. 185, so persistence pays off . . . well, maybe not in money, but at least in the knowledge that you are once again one of the funniest people around.

Here are the other captions that were in serious contention:

“But what about law school?” (by Michael Lomazow)

“No, Randall, I don’t want to be your ‘biker chick’.” (by Pat Foley)

“First of all it’s wife not old lady.” (by Lee Lacewell)

“My answer to will I marry you, depends on if you are a Jet or a Shark.” (also by Diane Weisman)

“It’s not me, it’s you. You look like an idiot.” (also by Michael Lomazow)

“You would rent a tux for the ceremony . . . right?” (by Kay Ralph)

“Shiver me timbers bucko — I’m just not sure if I want to be your matey.” (by Gary)

“You only love me for my booty.” (by Mark S.)

“Yes, Donald, I’ll go to Sturgis with you.” (also by Pat Foley).  I’m not sure, Pat Foley, if this caption would be understood by anyone outside of the U.S.A. But it made me chuckle because ages ago my wife and I were auto-vacationing in the Western states and we quite by chance visited the gigantic annual motorcycle rally that takes place in the tiny town of Sturgis, South Dakota. It was mind-boggling!

 

Contest No. 205 will be posted soon enough, Captioneers, so keep on the lookout for it, and thanks for participating!

 

 

Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 204

Contest No. 204 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter your caption, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, September 27, 2023.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. This is another really ancient cartoon of mine — I’m guessing that I probably originally drew it about 60 or 65 years ago. Good luck, Captioneers!

Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 203

“Alexa? Siri wants to talk with you.”

(by Sharon)

 

My original caption: “Miss Marlowe, am I right-handed or left-handed?”

 

Congratulations, Sharon, on this, your 10th Caption Contest victory. It took a while (your last win was way back in Contest No. 175), but persistence pays off. You are once again one of the funniest people around, and you can shout it to the world.

As for my original caption (see above), I still like it very much and can’t figure out why it wasn’t snapped up and printed by at least one of my “business” publications.

Here are the other entries that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“Diane, you know I can’t multitask.” (by Diane Weisman)

“Ms. Thompson, would you find somebody to call me, please?” (by Gayden Wren)

“Hold the phone, I’m on the phone.” (by Pat Foley)

“Did I say that? . . . over the P.A. system?” (by Lee Lacewell)

“Here I am surrounded by the most advanced communications technology humanity can ever possibly aspire to, even including a matching pen and pencil, and yet I still feel empty inside.” (by Marc Eliot Stein).  Do I detect a smidgen of sarcasm here, Marc??

 

A new contest will be posted before long, Captioneers. Keep up the good work and thanks for your participation.

Foreword

Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).

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