Category: Departments

“We would like separate checks and separate tables.”

(by Michael Lomazow)

My original caption: “No, we’re not ready to order yet, we’re still going over the footnotes.”

Congratulations once again, Michael Lomazow. It’s your ninth victory — the last one was not that long ago, in Contest No. 234. You know the routine: you are definitely one of the funniest people around and you may shout it to the world.

Here are the captions that almost made it this time around:

“These prices were lower last week — when you didn’t have a French accent.” (by Joe Ayella)

“No, we won’t be ordering for our wives . . . THEY’RE NOT HERE! . . . ARE THEY?” (by Lee Lacewell)

“Would you recommend your tap water?” (by Silvana Lagrotteria)

“You may know me from my work on Yelp.” (by Mark S.)

“I would like two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.” (by Sharon Groth)

“We’re thinking something pretentious and overbearing with just a hint of self-satisfied smugness or maybe a merlot.” (by Paul Nesja)

“We saw today’s news, so we’ll be eating like there’s no tomorrow.” (also by Paul Nesja)

On a personal note, I want to admit that I asked AI to explain what Paul Nesja meant by “going commando” in one of his caption entries. I had never come across that expression before. Thanks for bringing me into the 21st century, Paul.

Contest No. 240 will be posted in due course, and hopefully on time (Contest No. 239 was a day late — my apologies). Keep on the lookout for it, Captioneers. Thanks for your continued input!

Contest No. 239 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has an indication of the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which the winning caption will be announced and printed and I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Thursday, June 4, 2026.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!

“I love geriatric fight night.”

(by Scott Malcolm)

My original caption: “Why did you think they call him Rocky?”

Congratulations, Scott Malcolm, on your second victory — your first win was not that long ago, in Contest No. 230. Once again, you have earned the title of One of the Funniest People Around, and you can take advantage of all the bragging rights that go with the victory.

Did any of you Captioneers come up with with a caption that is funnier than my original one? Well, I still think mine holds up pretty well, so I consider it a close call.

Here are the other submitted captions that almost made it:

“He doesn’t have to worry about getting his teeth knocked out . . . they’re in a jar in his dressing room.” (by Lee Lacewell)

“His gloves are in perfect condition. He’s never hit anybody.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“Now we know how Rocky Marciano got his name.” (by Ken Wilkinson)

“Technically, he’s got the home advantage — the nursing home advantage.” (by Joe Ayella)

“They don’t call him Rocky for nothing.” (by Pat Foley)

“This is his first fight out of retirement.” (also by Pat Foley)

“He’s hoping to win by unanimous concern.” (by Anya)

Contest No. 239 will be posted in due course, Captioneers, so be on the lookout for it. Thanks for participating!

Contest No. 238 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has an indication of the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which the winning caption will be announced and printed and I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, May 6, 2026.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.

Okay, it’s time for another “golden oldie” cartoon. This one goes back a looooong time. My rubber-stamped address on the back of this cartoon is that of one of my family’s apartments in Brooklyn (we moved around a little bit, trying to stay one step ahead of the rent collector). So, doing the math, I figure I was trying to peddle this one in the late 1940’s or early 1950’s. I still think my original caption is pretty good, but the cartoon never sold anywhere. Hope you Captioneers can come up with a funnier caption than I did. Good luck!

“Priscilla, you’re quitting? But I told you about Very Casual Fridays.”

(by Joe Ayella)

My original caption: “Miss Baxter, send in a sacrificial virgin!”

Congratulations, Joe Ayella, on your fourth victory. The first time you won was not that long ago, in Contest No. 214. Well done — and once again you can let the world know that you are one of the funniest people around!

Here are the other caption submissions that “almost made it”:

“It looks like Jack the Stripper has struck again.” (also by Joe Ayella)

“Meeting in ten minutes. Come as you are.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“Miss Stevens, is my ‘Naked and Afraid’ audition on my schedule?” (by Rich Wolf)

“Doris . . . please stop telling clients that ‘I’ll give them the shirt off my back’!” (by Lee Lacewell)

“Oh, I forgot about that appointment. I’ve been very forgetful, lately.” (by Pat Foley)

“Looks like I failed my audition for Naked and Afraid.” (by Kelly Nagle)

“Ms. Jones, what does this note mean, ‘Come quick, we need a laugh’?” (by Scott Malcolm)

Contest No 238 will show up right here before you know it, Captioneers. Keep up the funny work, because we could all use a good laugh or two these days. Thanks for participating!

Contest No. 237 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has an indication of the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which the winning caption will be announced and printed and I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, April 8, 2026.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!

“No, the answer is not two and two fifths!”

(by Lee Lacewell)

My original caption: “No, this is not a case of ‘one solution fits all’.”

Congratulations, Lee Lacewell, on your third victory! The first was in Contest No. 202 and you followed that up with a win in Contest No. 224. You get all the bragging rights that go with your well-deserved victory, so once again you can let the world know that you are one of the funniest people around.

Here are the other submitted captions that were being seriously considered for top honors:

“I’m afraid ‘inflation’ is not an excuse.” (by Joe Ayella)

“NO, BILLY . . . five is not now, nor will it ever be . . . ‘the new four’!” (also by Lee Lacewell)

“This is arithmetic, not economics.” (by Jonathan Stein)

“Is this your final answer?” (by Diane Weisman)

“Math may not be your strong suit but you get an ‘A’ for penmanship.” (by Gary)

“No, you don’t get a participation prize.” (also by Joe Ayella)

“Mathematically, no. Politically, very promising.” (by Anya)

“Actually, it IS an exact science.” (by Rich Wolf)

“Have you thought about going into politics?” (by Paul Nesja)

Contest No. 237 will pop up here before you know it, Captioneers, so keep a watchful eye out for it and please keep those funny captions coming.

Contest No. 236 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has an indication of the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which the winning caption will be announced and printed and I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, March 11, 2026.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!

“Mother’s maiden name?”

(by Silvana Lagrotteria)

My original caption: “Yes, this is a 24/7/365 kind of place.”

Congratulations, Silvana Lagrotteria, on your fourth victory . . . and this time you did it with just three short words. Your last two wins were very recent, in Contests No. 232 and 233, and your very first win wasn’t that long ago, in Contest No. 208. So shout it to the world — you’re definitely one of the funniest people around!

Here are the other submitted captions that were under due consideration:

“The best part of hell is you do not need a wardrobe.” (by Diane Weisman)

“Sure, you can call your lawyer — he’s in the back.” (by Joe Ayella)

“Do you prefer ‘Lake of Fire View’ or ‘Mountain of Fire View’?” (by Lee Lacewell)

“You’re just in time for hot yoga.” (by Paul Nesja)

“Did your wife book this sauna for you?’ (by Ken Wilkinson)

“We’re updating the place. Tomorrow we’re switching from fire and brimstone to pumpkin spice.” ( also by Paul Nesja)

“I assume you left all your clothes in the ‘Handbasket’.” (by William Crook)

Contest No. 236 will be up and running before you know it, Captioneers, so watch for it. Thanks for your participation!

Contest No. 235 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has an indication of the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which the winning caption will be announced and printed and I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, February 11, 2026.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!