Category: Departments

“I can’t believe they’re stopping the love advice column.”

(by Diane Weisman)

My original caption: “I’m firing my bevy of lawyers and getting me a phalanx of lawyers!”

Congratulations, Diane Weisman, on your tenth victory. It looks like you’re being pretty consistent here — your last win was not too long ago, in Contest No. 209, and before that it was in Contest No. 204. Keep up the good work, and don’t forget to remind everybody that you are once again one of the funniest people around.

These are the other caption submissions that came close, in my judgement, but just didn’t make it:

“Think we can score front row seats to the Lawrence Welk tribute show tonight?” (by Jennifer Lawson)

“Did you take my Comics section again?!” (by Rich Wolf)

“This is no time for cutting back on the comics section.” (by Joe Ayella)

“This must be a mis-quote. It says I have the shareholder’s interests at heart.” (by Brendan F. Gannon)

“On a positive note my stocks weren’t listed in the Obituary Section today?” (by Lee Lacewell)

“Now I know the world is really ending. Not a single cartoon in here!” (by sharon)

“Butch, they still have no clue that Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid are alive and well.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“White collar criminals are allowed to win elections — now they tell us!” (by Marc Eliot Stein)

“It’s ironic that the obits are included in the late edition.” (by Pat Foley)

Contest No. 220 will be posted before you know it, Captioneers. Keep on the lookout for it and thanks for participating!

Contest No. 219 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, November 20, 2024.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. I hope you can improve on my original caption, which you will be able to see in a week’s time. Good luck, Captioneers!

“He’s one of those tech CEOs. “

(by Anya)

My original caption: “What’s the rate of exchange on pieces of eight?”

Congratulations, Anya, on your second victory. Once again, you can shout it to the world — you are definitely one of the funniest people around!

Here are the other captions that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“My first trick or treat.” (by Diane Weisman)

“He doesn’t want a free toaster. He wants a ham sandwich.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“I want to do what he does.” (also by Diane Weisman)

“Did you hang the ‘NO Shirt — NO Shoes — NO Service’ sign on the door?” (by Scott Malcolm)

“Hey, do we take doubloons?” (by Joe Ayella)

“Do we take wooden nickels?” (by Kelasher)

“What is a doubloon worth today?” (by Pat Foley)

“Rob Crusoe . . . why does that name sound familiar?” (by Lee Lacewell)

“It’s from an offshore account. ” (by Mark S.)

Also, a couple of side notes:

1) Congrats to Joe Ayella, who I noticed was a prize-winning runner-up this week in Bob Mankoff’s “Cartoon Stock” Caption Contest (it wasn’t Joe Ayella’s first triumph over there — he’s been a pretty consistent winner or runner-up).  Way to go!

2) Lee Lacewell, I was intrigued by your spelling of Dabloon in a couple of your captions. I had to look it up and found that Dabloon is a somewhat imaginary crypto-currency that received a lot of attention on TikTok. I still don’t know if you meant to spell it that way, but thanks for educating me on “Dabloons”.

Contest No. 219 will show up soon enough, as usual. Keep on the lookout for it, Captioneers, and thanks for participating.

Contest No. 218 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, October 23, 2024.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. As you can tell from the drawing, this is another very old cartoon of mine, probably going back more than 65 years. I hope you can improve on my original caption, which you will be able to see in a week’s time. Good luck, Captioneers!

“I’m sorry, madam, you’ve misread our terms — it’s guaranteed  for 99 days, not years.”

(by Ken Wilkinson)

My original caption: “It seems to me that this item has reached the point of no return.”

Congratulations on your sixth victory, Ken Wilkinson! Your first win was in Contest No. 118, back in 2017 (Wow! This contest has been going on for ages, hasn’t it?) Be that as it may, you can once again rest assured that you are currently one of the funniest people in the whole world (Mr. Wilkinson’s captions come all the way from the mother country, the United Kingdom).

Here are the other captions that I was seriously considering:

“I’m sure this worked in 1942 when you first purchased it.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“The use of hot water in this coffee/tea pot voids the warranty.” (by Lee Lacewell)

“That’s not a dash, it’s a minus sign. You may return this item but we have to subtract your refund.” (by Joe Ayella)

“That sign isn’t big enough for our third ‘R’: Restocking Fee.” (also by Joe Ayella)

“I’m sorry, but if you break it, you take it.” (by Diane Weisman)

“May I ask why it’s filled with ashes, madam?” (by Pat Foley)

“Please let me know if the next one you purchase is any better.” (by Scott Malcolm)

“I’m afraid, madam, no amount of rubbing will help — the Genie has retired.” (also by Ken Wilkinson)

Look for Contest No. 218 in just a little over a fortnight, Captioneers, and thanks for participating.

Contest No. 217 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, September 25, 2024.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. This is another very old drawing of mine, probably going back more than 60 years. One way you can tell its age is by noticing that I finished it off mostly by using a brush, instead of a pen. I hope you can improve on my old original caption, which you will be able to see in a week’s time. Good luck, Captioneers!

“It’s been tough, but at least I’ll get to return to my job at Blockbuster when I get out!”

(by abstract)

My original caption: “It was a clear case of police entrapment. The good cop was actually bad and the bad cop was actually good.”

Congratulations, abstract, on this, your first victory! You are now in that exclusive club of Captioneers who have earned the title of “one of the funniest people around”. Shout it from the rooftops and enjoy the (abstract) limelight!

Here are the other captions that were under serious consideration:

“So you see, it’s all about just being in the wrong place at the wrong time and with the wrong people when you’re recorded on a camera.” (by Brendan F Gannon)

“We’re having a Hats Off at 7:00 — be there.” (by Rich Wolf)

“I’m studying law in here but it’s going to take a while. So in the meantime, why don’t you study excavation?” (by Joe Ayella)

“Yes I absolutely know where I see myself in 10 years!” (by Lee Lacewell)

“What do you want to do today, what do you want to do today, what do you want to do today?” (by Diane Weisman)

“I got thirty years for littering. My wife was the judge.” (by Ken Wilkinson)

“I’m going to be on the TV show, The Bachelor. Apparently, they are taking the show in a different direction.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“Think about it this way, we can dig out tonight or stick around for Pizza Friday.” (by Jennifer Lawson)

Contest No. 217 will be posted in just a few weeks. Thanks for participating, Captioneers!

Contest No. 216 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, August 28, 2024.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!

“My boy, our generous benefits package includes free housing and meals for the first 18 years.”

(by Joe Ayella)

My original caption: “Cute. Where’s his resume?”

Congratulations, Joe Ayella, on your second victory. Since you just won Contest No. 214, that makes two victories in a row. Are you trying for an Olympic Gold Medal here? Only time will tell. Anyway, you are once again one of the funniest people around and you have earned the right to shout it to the world.

Here are the other captions that were in serious contention:

“Let’s maximize your potential!” (by Kelly)

“I say he’s a keeper — let’s skip the probationary period altogether.” (also by Joe Ayella)

“You’re hired!” (by Rich Wolf)

“Where do you see yourself ten years from now?” (by Lee Lacewell)

“It won’t be long before she is telling me the courses I need and the experience required to be a better father.” (by Scott Malcolm)

“Sleeping on the job already? Not a problem.” (also by Joe Ayella)

“I’m a bit concerned that you only have nine months of verifiable previous existence!” (also by Lee Lacewell)

“He can have parking spot #6.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“Yours was a difficult and painful delivery but I think I’ll pull through.” (by Simon Healeas)  No connection here to the “PERSONNEL MANAGER” banner, Simon, but the caption brought a smile to my face.

Contest No. 216 will be posted in a little more than a fortnight, Captioneers, so keep your pen, paper and computer handy. Thanks for participating!

Contest No. 215 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, July 31, 2024.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!