Category: Departments

Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 186

“Good. Simon says give me your wallet.”

(by Pat Foley)

 

My original caption: “I need money. The ball is now in your court.”

 

Congratulations, Pat Foley, on this, your third victory. Once again you can bask in the glory of being one of the funniest people around. I’d like to suggest a simple tweak to your otherwise excellent caption, Pat. Just add the word “Now” to the beginning of the second sentence, so that it reads “Good. Now Simon says give me your wallet.” A big improvement, in my humble opinion.

Here are the other submissions that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“I only take Bitcoin.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“My son needs his acceptance letter. Make it happen.” (also by Michael Lomazow)

“Your money or your Netflix password.” (by kelasher)

“I don’t want your wallet, I want your passwords.” (by Mark Schaefer)

“No really, I’m from ‘Welcome to the Big Apple’. It’s my side gig!” (by Brendan Gannon)

“This is not a robbery. It’s a way to stimulate the economy.” (by Diane)

“You’re gonna cancel my time share, got it!” (also by Michael Lomazow)

“I only accept American Express!!!!” (by Dom Mancino)

“We are a friendly city . . . just not between 34th to 42nd streets.” (also by Michael Lomazow)

 

Thanks for participating, Captioneers! Contest No. 187 will be coming along in no time at all, so be on the lookout for it.

 

 

 

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Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 186

Contest No. 186 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, May 11, 2022.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.

 

See Comments and Add Your Own

Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 185

“Congratulations, it’s a Pole in one.”

(by Ken Wilkinson, first, and then, in different words, by Diane, Harvey Appelbaum, Michael Lomazow, David Grand, Carole, Dominick Mancino and Pat Foley) . . . all before I posted any captions on April 10th. Yes, it’s an 8-way tie!

 

My original caption: “Is that as good as a hole in one, dear?”

 

OK, OK, OK, you don’t have to hit me over my head with your mashies . . . I get it that the winning caption better have something to do with “a pole in one”. So it’s a record-breaking 8-way tie! Ken Wilkinson (fifth victory) sent in the first and earliest “pole in one” entry, soon after the Contest started, and it was quickly followed by Diane (seventh victory), Harvey Appelbaum (fourth victory), Michael Lomazow (fourth victory), David Grand (third victory), Carole (second victory), Dominick Mancino (tenth victory) and Pat Foley (second victory). All of these captions were received before I posted any captions at all, which I started to do on April 10th, so there was no hanky-panky going on. Congratulations to all of you very funny people!

Here are all the other “pole in one” captions, plus a few others that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“You are amazing, instead of a hole in one, you hit the top of the pole in one.” (by Diane)

“No, Harry, it’s definitely your ball!” (by Brendan Gannon)

“Is that a Pole-in-one?” (by Harvey Appelbaum)

“I’ve got a pole in one.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“Can you ‘accidentally’ push me into the pole?” (also by Michael Lomazow)

“I think I’m about to get my 15 minutes of fame.” (also by Michael Lomazow)

“Congratulations. You got a pole in one!” (by David Grand)

“Why doesn’t it count as a ‘pole in one’?” (by Carole)

“Well, how do we score this . . . ‘A POLE-IN-ONE’???”  (by Dominick Mancino)

“I’ll score that a pole-in-one.” (by Pat Foley)

“Close enough, no putt necessary . . . you got a birdie on this hole.” (by artie baldwin)

“Now dear . . . you told me to aim for the pole!” (by Kay Ralph)

 

FULL DISCLOSURE: I estimate that I drew this cartoon, with the above original caption, in the mid-1980’s, and indeed it was never bought or published. However, shortly after selecting it for the Caption Contest, I discovered that in the 1950’s or 1960’s I had drawn a similar cartoon, with a golf ball landing on top of a pole. The caption of that cartoon was “Do I go again?” That cartoon was bought and printed in May 1968 by a small publication called “News Front”. You can see it, if you want to, by navigating through my “Publications” archive, under “News Front”.

Mea culpa. sorry about that.

 

Be on the lookout for Contest No. 186, Captioneers . . . it’ll be coming at you before you know it.

 

 

 

See Comments and Add Your Own

Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 185

Contest No. 185 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, April 13, 2022.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.

See Comments and Add Your Own

Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 184

“Your sign is incorrect! It should read ‘InFernal Revenue Service’!!!!”

(by Dominick Mancino)

 

My original caption: “I have a purely hypothetical question: Suppose a person somehow completely forgot to pay his Quarterly Estimated Taxes. What will happen to me now?”

 

Congratulations, Dominick Mancino, on this, your ninth victory. It took a long time — your last win was way back in Contest No. 143 — but persistence pays off. You can once again bask in the glory of being one of the funniest people around.

Here are the other entries that were under serious consideration:

“No, I’ve never filed a return. I’m a tax denier.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“Do you take guilty conscience walk-ins?” (by Pat Foley)

“Can I get an extension? The dog ate my tax return.” (by Paul Cohn)

“You’re nearly as taxing as my wife.” (by kenneth wilkinson)

“I find this whole ‘audit thing’ very taxing!” (by Kay Ralph)

 

It’s getting difficult for me to find drawings to challenge you sharp Captioneers, but I’m game if you are. Be on the lookout for the next Contest — it’ll be coming up before you know it.

 

See Comments and Add Your Own

Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 184

Contest No. 184 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, March 16, 2022.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.

See Comments and Add Your Own

Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 183

“Why does he get a menu and I get a coloring book?”

(by Michael Lomazow)

 

My original caption: “I’ll have the shrimp — and skip the wisecracks.”

 

Congratulations, Michael Lomazow, on your third resounding victory. Yes, there’s no doubt that you’re definitely one of the funniest people around. Keep up the good work!

Glad to see that you Captioneers took up my challenge to at least do better than my original rather obvious caption (see above). I’d say that a few of you succeeded very well. Michael Lomazow’s winning caption brought a great big smile to my face. I dare say that if I had thought of that caption in the 1950’s the cartoon would have been snapped up by one of the Cartoon Editors.

Here are the other submissions that were in the running:

“No, I don’t want the children’s menu.” (also by Michael Lomazow)

“Yes, I said a short stack and a small orange juice. What’s so funny about that?” (by Gayden Wren)

“I’m so hungry I could eat a colt.” (by Pat Foley)

“You’re amused because I worked here as a “short-order cook’?” (by Kay Ralph)

“We’ll see how short I am come tip time.” (by Rich Wolf)

“Stop smirking. I am old enough to order liquor with my meal.” (by Diane)

 

In case anyone is confused about Marc Eliot Stein’s entry, “I say it’s spinach and I say to hell with it.”, I recognized it immediately as a paraphrase of a classic Carl Rose cartoon that appeared in The New Yorker in 1928. The published caption was not Carl Rose’s, by the way — it was written by E. B. White, author of “Stuart Little” and “Charlotte’s Web” and other renowned books. White was on the staff of The New Yorker for decades and was a frequent contributor to the magazine (including helping out some of the cartoonists with their captions). Of course I couldn’t consider Marc’s submission as a serious entry in the Caption Contest.

A new Contest will be posted before you know it. Keep those funny captions coming!

See Comments and Add Your Own

Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 183

Contest No. 183 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, February 16, 2022.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. This is another oldie – – so old that I didn’t even assign a cartoon number to it. And I see that I finished it off with a brush, so it goes back to a time long ago when I was experimenting with various drawing tools and techniques. Well, of course it never sold, and now that I look at my original caption, I can say that I don’t blame the Cartoon Editors for thoroughly rejecting it. Let’s see if you Captioneers can do any better!

See Comments and Add Your Own

Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 182

“You’re right, dear, talking to the wall is just as easy.”

(by Rich Wolf)

 

My original caption: “My daughter tells me you’re quite an accomplished magician.”

 

Congratulations, Rich Wolf, on this, your ninth victory. As I’ve told you eight times before, you are definitely one of the funniest people around. Keep up the good work!

As I was looking at this old drawing all week, I suddenly could see why a few of you Captioneers thought along the line of it being set in a department store. It does look like that gal is riding down an escalator, doesn’t it? I guess I should have made it clearer that she is just walking down a normal flight of stairs in a normal home. No misdirection intended — that’s just the way I drew it in the 1950’s. I still like my original caption, by the way — but the proof of the pudding is that no editor thought enough of it to buy the cartoon and publish it.

Here are the other captions that I was seriously considering for top honors:

“Take your time. I’m counting the dots.” (by Michael Lomazow)

“Doris, this is one of the best conversations we’ve had in a long time.” (by Paul Cohn)

“I think it’s time we get a TV.” (by Sagie)

“I suppose you’ll want a T.V. next?” (by Pat Foley)

“Sorry hon. Scared off another of your beaus with my army stories.” (by Kelly)

Thanks for participating, Captioneers. Be sure to look for the next Contest, which will start in just a few short weeks.

See Comments and Add Your Own

Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 182

Contest No. 182 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, January 19, 2022.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. This one goes back to my very earliest days of submitting cartoons to publications, in the mid-1950’s. When I started sending them out, on a free-lance, speculative basis, I numbered the cartoons on the back, to keep track of them. This one has the number 33 on it. I’ve sold thousands of cartoons over the years, each one consecutively numbered, and have thousands more that never sold, so you better believe that this one is a real oldie. Let’s see if you can do any better with it, Captioneers!

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Foreword

Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).
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