January 2018

Bought and Paid For, But Never Published. The Wall Street Journal, 2001

This is yet another cartoon that was bought and paid for, but for some reason unknown to me, was never published -- and once again the culprit is The Wall Street Journal. The above cartoon was purchased by The Wall Street Journal in 2001. I received my payment, but as far as I know the cartoon never saw the light of day in print. 

Over the years, I've sold hundreds of cartoons to the Wall Street Journal, and so far in these archives I've recorded seven others that were bought and never printed -- you can see them all if you select Wall Street Journal under the Publications category in the sidebar column to the right. I have no doubt that there will be more of them in the future, as I continue to go through my files and papers.

I repeat, this is only as far as I know, because The Wall Street Journal never provided me with tearsheets of my printed cartoons, so it was always up to me to check the paper.  I'm sure there must have been issues that I've missed (because of vacations, illnesses, etc.), but I was pretty thorough.

So . . . here's my plea. If there's anybody out there who has been keeping track of silly things like this, or who has inside information on the workings of The Wall Street Journal, would you please let me know the dates of publication of any of these cartoons? It would clear up a mystery that has been bugging me for a long, long time. Thanks.


Winner of Eli's Cartoon Caption Contest No. 129

                            "If you say yes, all this could be yours."

                                                (by Diane)


My original caption: "Darling, please say you'll marry me, before my knee freezes over."


Congratulations, Diane, on your third win! Once again you can bask in the glory of being one of the funniest people around.

These are the other captions that I was seriously considering for top honors:

"Marry me . . . we can honeymoon in New York where the weather is a balmy 10 degrees!!!" (by Dom Mancino)

"No, it's not that we can't afford a water bed . . . " (by Rich Wolf)

"You want a prenup for what exactly?" (also by Rich Wolf)

"Will you be my wifcicle?" (by Carole)

"I want to grow cold with you." (by Cary Antebi)

And a speical note of appreciation to Marc Eliot Stein for his caption which was lifted verbatim from the lyrics of the classic song "Cold, Cold Heart", by Hank Williams: " Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold, cold heart?"

And one more note: As I say in my contest rules, I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. If you want to send more than 15, I'll be glad to see them (and hopefully get a chuckle out of them), but they won't be acknowledged or judged for the contest. So If you have a load of captions, please make sure the funniest ones are in your first 15 submissions. Thanks.

A new contest will be coming up in just a few short weeks, so keep a sharp lookout for it.

Eli's Cartoon Caption Contest No. 129

Contest No. 129 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I'll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on "Add New Comment". Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click "Save".

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. Also, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else's similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, January 23, 2018.  

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.


Winner of Eli's Cartoon Caption Contest No. 128

                        "I'm afraid it's going to take a month or two

                           to download and install all the updates!"                                                       

                                           (by Dom Mancino)


My original caption: "Well, I can't fix it here -- guess I'll have to take it back to the shop."


Congratulations once again, Dom Mancino!  This is your seventh win, and it took a long time coming -- your last win was a first place tie 'way back in Contest No. 59! This was a great caption, and it confirms your status as one of the funniest people around.

Speaking of great captions, you captioneers submitted quite a few this time around. I was almost resigned to declaring it another two-way or three-way tie, but finally decided to give the nod to Dom's caption. Here are the others that I was seriously considering:

"Alexa, how do I fix this thing?" (by Sharon)

"Well, here's your problem. It should be '00110110110111010', not '00110110100111010'." (by John Platt)

"I'd better check with my grandfather on this one." (also by John Platt)

"All I know is, red to red, white to white, and black to black." (by TIM COLLINS)

"Yeah, these things tend to break down on the day their 50 year warranty expires." (by Cary Antebi)

"The good news is, this computer is so old, it actually came with a manual." (also by Cary Antebi)

"It doesn't pay fixing it. They've got used ones on ebay for $5.99." (also by Cary Antebi)

"Good thing you took out the super extended warranty!" (by Mel Tanenbaum)

"Can you believe it? This monster computer contains ten trillion bits and it's now worth less than one bitcoin!" (by Gary)

And, finally, there were these two captions which pretty well paraphrased my original caption, from so many years ago:

"I'm gonna have to take it back to the shop!" (also by TIM COLLINS)

"The good news is, I can fix it. The bad news is, I have to bring it back to the shop." (also by Cary Antebi)

Great work, captioneers! Thanks for participating. Look for the next contest in a couple of weeks.