December 2012

Stitches, 2000

"Stitches" was a Canadian medical humor publication, offering humor and lifestyle articles for physicians. Its editorial office was in Newmarket and, later, Aurora, Ontario. I sold a few cartoons to Stitches in the early 2000's, but never actually saw a single copy of the magazine, much less any of my cartoons in print (could never get them to send me tearsheets). According to my records, the publication folded in 2007.

I'll be posting my own copies of the cartoons that were purchased by Stitches, with the year in which they were bought, and with my own handwritten captions. Above is the first one, from the year 2000.

Winner of Eli's Cartoon Caption Contest No. 45

"So you want to know if I go to after Christmas sales for toys for next Christmas?"

(by Douglas A. Bennett)


My original caption: "You're not wearing a wire, are you?"


Congratulations on your win, Douglas A. Bennett. You have now joined that elite group -- you're officially one of the funniest people around.

Once again, very few people submitted entries. Maybe the caption by "Anonymous" expressed everybody's sentiment -- in view of the massacre at the Connecticut grade school, " . . . it just doen't feel like the right time to 'HO HO'".

Eli's Cartoon Caption Contest No. 45

Contest No. 45 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I'll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on "Add New Comment". Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. If you are prompted to enter a CAPTCHA code, please do so. Then (3) click "Save". There is no limit on the number of captions you can submit for each drawing.

Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption. The cut-off time and date for you to submit your captions for this contest is midnight Tuesday, December 25, 2012.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

This is the drawing that needs your caption:


Bought and Paid For . . . But Never Published. The Wall Street Journal, 1999

This is another cartoon of mine that The Wall Street Journal bought and paid for, but mysteriously was never published. It was purchased  toward the end of the 1999 baseball season, and I figured it would show up for sure when the World Series began. But it was not to be, as far as I know, and I'm pretty certain that it has never been printed at any time since then. By the way, if anybody has seen any of my "Bought and Paid For . . . " cartoons anywhere in print, please let me know about it. I like to resolve mysteries like this.

Bought and Paid For . . . But Never Published. The Wall Street Journal, 1992

One thing I could never understand is why a publication would buy and pay for a cartoon of mine and then, for no apparent reason, never publish it. That has happened to me several times in the more than 50 years that I've been in this business, and even The Wall Street Journal has been guilty of this minor transgression . . . not just once, but several times.

The above drawing, for example, was bought and paid for by The Wall Street Journal in 1992, but as far as I can tell, has never made it into print.

The original drawing was eventually returned to me (The Wall Street Journal has always been very efficient about returning original art). Just one of life's mysteries, I guess. More examples will follow, as I get around to posting them.

Boardroom Lists, December 1984

Another cartoon drawn and targeted specifically for the readers of Boardroom Lists -- that is, for people involved in the direct-mail industry.  I'm surprised that I didn't once again share my byline with Lists editor Brian Kurtz, since I'm positive that it was he who came up with the situation and the words.

Winner of Eli's Cartoon Caption Contest No. 44

"Who put decaf in the coffee machine?"

(by Kelasher)


My original caption: "Where the devil is that coffee we ordered?"


Congrats again, Kelasher! This is your seventh win, so there's certainly no question that you're one of the funniest people around.

Some of the other captions I was considering for top prize:

"Get me legal. We're suing the Five Hour Energy people." (by John Platt)

"Whose idea was the all-night rave holiday office party?" (by Caryn)

"That's two hours she's been saying, 'Please hold, your call is important to us'!" (by Cary Antebi)

"Irma, send in a carafe of coffee and four pink slips." (by Cary Antebi)

I realize that my original caption, from many decades ago, was pretty weak and wishy-washy (I usually alert you to that, to give you more of a challenge, but I forgot to do it this time). So I was glad to see that quite a few of the entries topped my original caption on the laugh-meter. Good work!