Contest No. 243 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has an indication of the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which the winning caption will be announced and printed and I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, September 23, 2026.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!
72 Comments
“I didn’t say extra fries, I said get more exercise!”
“I see you have been able to shift some weight . . . although I had hoped it wouldn’t all be to the bottom.”
“With the increased cost of gasoline, groceries and health insurance you may finally be able to drop a few of those extra pounds.”
“Read my lips . . . EXERCISE . . . not extra fries!”
“Daily walking is good, especially if it’s away from the refrigerator!”
“I’m telling you, ‘WATCH WHAT YOU EAT’ and I don’t mean in a mirror.”
The good news is all your vitals are good. I hope it stays that way after you see your bill.
“I can add a couple of years to the estimate if you would simply pay your balance.”
“First, the good news: you finally got a life insurance policy.”
“I’m not going to sugar-coat this: eating all that candy is making you fat.”
“You’re not too sexy for your shirt.”
“Your prognosis is good — except for those few hairs clinging to your head.”
“I want you to take two salads a day.”
“There’s a reason I ask all my patients to wear a gown.”
“Please don’t take off anything else.”
“I got my training watching “The Pit.”
“I want you to try something new: vegetables.”
“You’re as healthy as a birthday piñata.”
“Sure, give up smoking and overeating, but AI is still going to kill you.”
“I can take blood, run tests, and charge a lot. Or I can ask Claude.”
“Since you won’t listen to me, I’m referring you to the Surgeon General.”
“Your heart’s fine. It’s all your other muscles and organs I worry about.”
“The reason I went concierge is to give more quality time, attention and care to my patients. Plus, my kid goes to an Ivy League school.”
“I’m obligated to first, do no harm. After that, all bets are off.”
“I’m afraid this weekend warrior is losing the Battle of the Bulge.”
“Busted! I’m that fake TV doctor who stays at the Holiday Inn Express.”
“Your good cholesterol is low, your bad cholesterol is high and the emergency responders say your recliner is totaled.”
Sorry . . . I forgot to say pull my finger
“Unfortunately, having someone there to drive you home after the procedure will probably not be necessary.”
“Either lose 40 pounds or get three inches taller. Your choice.”
“I recommend seeing your auto dealer to remove that tire”
“Stay off the couch and potatoes.”
“It’s official, you can start driving in the Interstate Carpool Lane!”
“Let’s face it Mister Corleone, you’re not a kid anymore!”
“Would you mind if I also strip to my waist?”
“Just as I suspected, your lab results indicate you’re allergic to diet and exercise.”
“Short and squat and bald and dumpy, the man from Ipanema goes waddling, and when he waddles, the girls who see him go ‘Ewwww!'”
“It’s Take Your Kids to Work Day. Would you mind if my kids observed your colonoscopy?”
“Today’s charge is $1,000. Or $10 if you give me a sponge bath.”
“You are beautiful to me in your own special way.”
“I recommend less donuts and more walnuts.”
“The only negative about your tests is your blood type.”
“I see the ‘hair growth regiment’ hasn’t gained much traction either!”
“Have you given the ‘comb over’ hair style any more thought?”
“You listed your weight as 172-172. Am I correct in assuming that you simultaneously weigh yourself on two separate scales?”
“You had the ‘Fast Buster’ lunch special again didn’t you Mr. Stoltz?”
“Your wife says your sleepwalking route now includes a thirty minute layover at the refrigerator!”
“The good news is your heart is beating consistently; the bad news is it’s beating 300 beats per minute!”
You may need CPR after I show you the bill.
“Hey, I’m just a general practice doc — it could be anything.”
“I’m contractually unable to give bad news: so you’re perfectly fine.”
“The scary guy in black with the sickle? Don’t fret — he’s just our new collections department.”
“You can put a top on that muffin.”
“Your wife asked I keep your condition secret. She wants you to enjoy your last few days.”
“I bet the anticipation is killing you.”
“Your wife called ahead. She wants to know where the cake went.”
“I thought you would have looked healthier under the light.”
“We’re just waiting for my nurse to staple two tape measures together.”
“I asked the nurse to cancel the rest of my appointments.”
“I don’t know where to begin.”
“Ahhhhhhh…”
“You didn’t need to undress. You’re here to change a light bulb.”
“The bacon, cheeseburgers and buffalo wings are doing their job.”
“You don’t need to book next year’s checkup.”
That`s not a UFO on your head, it`s your living room lamp stuck in your trousers
Your supposed to grow a beard on your chin not the back of your head.
“Are you sitting on my new ‘Robotic 6000 3.0 AI Physician’s Assistant’ Mr. Large?”
“I’m on vacation for two weeks. We may never see each other again.”
“Not quite the Dad bod we were aiming for.”
“I’m flab-bergasted.”
“Even your eyes are bulging.”
You don’t need a doctor, you need “Weight Watchers”.