Contest No. 242 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has an indication of the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which the winning caption will be announced and printed and I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, August 26, 2026.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!
81 Comments
George, say hello to the woman you almost married.
Of all the parties we go to, look who we run into, your ex .
“It’s not that he dislikes you, Angela. He just disapproves of you and everything you stand for.”
“Egbert is a brain surgeon, marathon runner and in his spare time is helping me build a thermonuclear device.”
“I agree dear. Your tux is the “bomb.”
“She is a little intoxicated and thinks you are her Honey Bear.”
“You remember Marge, she was at our orgy.”
“We met on a silent retreat.”
“Don’t mind Arthur, he looks at buffet dessert tables the same way!”
“His eyes do wander but he’s too old to do you any good or any harm either!”
“Usually when he gets excited about younger women and dessert carts . . . I take him home, read him our prenup and give him his insulin shot!”
“I think he’s anatomically challenged . . . when we first met I had to keep telling him ‘my eyes are up here’ too!”
Oh, he’s mad the DOW only went up 1000 points today.
“We would appreciate some insider trading information.”
“Our husbands are out of town. Can you phone a friend?”
“So this is the classmate you were hoping to dodge all night!”
“He talks about you all the time. Usually after taking his blood pressure meds!”
“Are you sure you barely knew each other . . . he’s used your maiden name and birthday as his computer password for the past fifteen years?”
“So you’re the one I should thank for teaching him to dance without moving his arms or legs!”
“So all the times you said you spent many nights at Sam’s house . . . she’s ‘Sam the Sham’?”
Hmmm. Perhaps we are a bit overdressed for tonight’s Iggy Pop mosh pit concert.
“Harry, you remember my sister Sue? She was at our wedding.”
“This is the neighbor I told you about — she’s lived next door for 25 years.”
“Sally teaches our Johnny, and wants to know which one of us to blame.”
“This is that babysitter you hired back when we didn’t have any kids.”
“This is my husband Ed who’s quite charming unless he’s being a sourpuss.”
“You might as well say hello to the woman you’ve been ogling all night.”
“Beth is looking for true love, but will settle for your accounting partner.”
“Herbert, are you momentarily overcome by thoughts of what might have been?”
“She used to think ‘bald is beautiful’ but now has doubts.”
“This is my Herschel, the life of any party he’s not attending.”
“Toupee or not toupee? She’s another vote for toupee.”
“Give Harry three vodka tonics and he turns into a charm machine.”
“She’s open to a throuple, but only with a different couple.”
I know you wanted Mildred, but Judith is a close second.
“Doris is now an attorney specializing in ‘Breach of Promise Cases’. She says she accepted your proposal for marriage on three separate occasions during your Senior Year.”
“Your ex-wife doesn’t mind holding your drink while we dance.”
“She’d like to rub your head for good luck. We think you need it.”
“You look a little pale. She’s going to tighten your tie a bit.”
“And this is Harry, my third husband — until he’s not.”
“Just so you know . . . Arthur never lets truth get in the way of a good story!”
“After school hours Arthur worked at a farm store so for graduation he was voted ‘Most Likely To Sack Seed’!”
“It’s not that we love the Opera, Stan elected to amortize the cost of his tuxedo over five years!”
“You don’t remember her yet you’ve used her name, birthday and two heart symbols as your Facebook password for twelve years?”
“This is my participation trophy husband.”
“He calls me his arm candy and I call him my pocket lint.”
“He had a crush on me in high school, but I didn’t notice him until he sold his first startup.”
“He doesn’t say much, but when he does say something, it’s usually something horrible.”
“He’s high milage, but low maintenance.”
“We’re both happy to be here, aren’t we darling.”
“Do you need a refresh on your drink and your attitude?”
“Brian’s a real party animal, but only if that animal’s a sloth.”
“Ted’s amazing in the sack — state champion potato sack racer!”
“Meet Myron — my summer fling.”
“Larry’s superpower is undressing women with his Coke-bottle glasses.”
“Do you remember Patty? . . . she and Harry Buttz were married right after graduation!”
“She wants us to leave. She thinks I’m a paid escort.”
“She’s hoping our son’s adopted.”
“She has only one rule, ‘no chicken dance’.”
“She’s empathizing. You look just like her ex.”
“She curious to see if your suit is plastic or rubber.”
“She believes you had enough.”
“The drink’s free, but the glass isn’t.”
“You two look like you have a lot in common.”
Oh, don’t take it personally, love. She’s a mime.
“George brings home the bacon — his company uses a meat-based compensation system.”
“Relax, dear, you can grow corn in those furrows.”
“Don’t mind Harry, he get’s cranky when he’s tired.”
“Yes, the world is going to hell in a handbasket, but Harold saw the trend and made a fortune in handbasket futures.”
“Harold’s thinking about getting into politics, that’s where the real money’s at.”
“If you take off the 3D glasses, you’ll see it’s my sister.”
“And this is the statue of ‘Man I’m Glad I Didn’t Marry’.”
“Wedding crashing is starting to get a little boring.”
He had to stop wearing his Toupee our garden birds kept trying to nest in it.
“Is this the one that kept her nose in the air and walked like she was constipated?”
“You have until I’m back from the ladies’ room.”
“Remember Sarah — the realtor we passed on.”
“Yes, dear, you remember — ‘The Summer of Bad Decisions.’”
“You’re blocking her view of a handsome man.”
“She dropped her napkin, but she doesn’t want to pick it up nor does she want you to.”
“Give her a minute George. She wants to remove her hearing aid.”