Contest No. 240 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has an indication of the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which the winning caption will be announced and printed and I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, July 1, 2026.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!
67 Comments
Don’t look so innocent, you did it.
There is no right or wrong, I am right.
“I have to give you the same answer—go ask your mother.”
“No it’s not just for news, it’s also a flyswatter and it makes avoiding grandma easier.”
“So you want to bet a Sawbuck on Big Boy in race three today.”
“I like it because the only ‘pop up ads’ are ‘little coupons’ that flutter out on the floor.”
“I like hard copy on paper because sometimes it has articles I actually want to see!”
“Who called you Bi-Coastal?”
“I like print on paper because it never loses connection unless you count the parts that get soaked by the lawn sprinkler.”
“Ask your mother why she asked you to go ask me.”
“Your Mother left two years ago, Jimmy. Get over it.”
“Never saw a stork deliver a baby? Maybe you never saw a stork before?”
“Tell me about this little incident.”
“For summer, I want you to learn a new word a day. Start with ‘staycation’.”
“While inflation’s up, your allowance is unchanged. So stop watching CNBC.”
“I do have change for a twenty. Show me the twenty first.”
“When dark mode becomes an issue grandma turns the lamp on.”
“If you run out of ‘TP’ you can just tear off a few pieces, and swipe up.”
“No pay wall . . . I just give a boy on a bicycle a few quarters and I get all the breaking news from yesterday!”
“The best thing is if I drop it the screen doesn’t break!”
“It doesn’t have a ‘Zoom In’, . . . I
just lean in until my nose touches paper, then squint my eyes a lot!”
“It doesn’t have a comment section; if I don’t agree with something I roll up the paper, throw it at the wall and yell at the lamp!”
“Until I was a couple of years older than you are I thought my name was ‘Stop It Rightnow’!”
“Go see if your mother needs help murdering the meatloaf.”
“Dogs eat homework, but I never heard of one eating a report card.”
“When I was your age, we didn’t have iPhones — we had Dixie cups and some string, and we loved it.”
“On July Fourth, we celebrate not having a king — or at least we used to.”
No . . . you can’t have the car keys!
“Before I started high school most of the neighbors thought ‘Stopit Rightnow’ was my real name!”
“The AI Revolution is real, kiddo, so I’m afraid I have to let you go.”
“Sorry, Timmy. I’m not an ornithologist or a melittologist.”
“Well, you’re not like the other kids. That’s why you can’t have a bike.”
“Someday, son, all of this will be yours, and you too will wish for more.”
“I swatted two measly flies with your mom’s laptop and now I’m reading two day old breaking news stories with ink on my hands!”
“When I was your age, before school, I delivered six hundred newspapers on a bicycle with two flat tires in three feet of snow . . . and by golly . . . I liked it!”
This is not the right time to tell you about the birds and the bees.
“I just read an article about soaking newspaper in vinegar and water to clean glass; try that with a laptop!”
“Son, you can be anything you want, but ‘trillionaire’ might be a reach.”
“Lucky for you I can’t remember when I was your age.”
“What’s crypto, you ask? Crypto is um, like, ah — go ask your mother.”
“Wanna train to be a tech bro? Find me the TV remote.”
“Someday, son, all this will be yours — the recliner, the lamp, the other furnishings. Unless I have to sell everything to buy groceries.”
“Sure, I’ll back your start-up. Start up stairs with cleaning your bedroom.”
For the last time, Timmy, wood chucks don’t chuck wood.
“A present? Sure, I’ll give you my hair line.”
“If it’s not about quantum physics, ask your mother.”
“You can choose to be anything you want but choose it someplace else.”
“You were NOT delivered by a stork — it was a pigeon.”
“If you want a little sister, first ask your mother for a new daddy.”
“You made the front page — Boisterous Boy saves world.”
“I do exercise. I exercise my mind.”
“Social Security will be my allowance from you.”
“I have no idea why your mother loves me.”
“What Timmy? Lassie fell down a well?”
“An allowance? C’mon, Billy, I make allowances for you all the time.”
“Why gynecology or proctology. How about psychology or an allergist?”
“Go ask ChatGPT.”
“It’s time we had ‘the talk’ . . . go ask Mom.”
“And if AI told you to jump off a bridge, would you?!”
Does the lunch lady accept Bitcoin?”
“Yes, I am bald. How clever of you to notice.”
“It’s time for our power naps.”
“When I finish my paper, I’ll help you look for your right arm.”
I know we don’t think alike or look alike, but yes, you are my son.
“Why do you think your teacher wants to see me?”
“Forget ChatGPT, you’ve got DadPhd.”
It’s called a newspaper. You’ll learn all about it in history class.