Contest No. 239 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has an indication of the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which the winning caption will be announced and printed and I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Thursday, June 4, 2026.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!
79 Comments
“Your specials don’t sound so special.”
“These prices were lower last week—when you didn’t have a French accent.”
“Your Soup of the Day is the same soup every day.”
“Funny how all your ‘recommendations’ are the highest-priced items.”
“Why are there three vans of health inspectors in your parking lot?”
The food is off, the wine is off, and I am off if you don`t make your mind up soon.
We were ready to order, but the prices left us in shock.
“I’ll have what she’s having”
“And what red wine pairs well with a cheapskate?”
“Pardon, I realize this place is up-scale but the entrees are prices more than all four of the Sketchers we bought to come in here!”
“We would like separate checks and separate tables.”
“Just so we’re clear: the more snooty, the less tip-y.”
“We decided to order online and have ‘Door Dash’ deliver it here.”
“You looked very busy so we ordered online and it’s being delivered here.”
“At the end of the meal please take the bill to the first stall in the men’s room … that’s where Herb always is when the check comes!”
“At the end of the meal please take the bill to the first stall in the men’s room … that’s where Herb usually is when the check comes!”
Do you think we could have a menu in English?
“I’ll have what your moustache is having”
“Do you have anything caught in the Strait of Hormuz?”
“We were here last year. Are you still sore about the tip?”
“We all want steak and lobster and we would gladly sign a promissory note for the bill.”
“Do you have a decent red wine that won’t force me to recalculate my retirement year?”
“May we see a wine list that doesn’t require a co-signer?”
“No we won’t be ordering for our wives . . . THEY’RE NOT HERE! . . . ARE THEY?”
“Would you take a quick peek under the table and tell me if it’s Herb or his wife that’s ‘playing footsie’ with me?”
“Jon Claude, if you shave your mustache and comb your hair back on the sides, you could be a very handsome man!”
“If your food is so great, why make us sign non-disclosure agreements?”
“Jon Claude Fontaine . . . weren’t you Freddie ‘Doodle’ Bean when we were at summer camp in the late seventies?”
“You’ll get the same tip as last time;
shave that silly ‘Toothbrush Mustache’ off before customers start calling you the ‘Dumb Nazi-Waiter’!”
“Steve, it’s been years — how did things work out for you on Broadway?”
“Do you have any ‘under-market price menus’?”
“So you don’t waste time rattling off fancy water types — tap. Tap is fine.”
“Is the Number 3 called ‘The Bypass Special’ because it’s not heart healthy or because it’s the location it was found in?”
“I would prefer you tell me what you don’t recommend.”
“If I find one of my hairs is in the soup, is dinner free?”
“I was going to wear a bow tie. I’m glad I didn’t.”
“I have a reservation but decided to come anyways.”
“Would you recommend your tap water?”
“How would you rate your complimentary bread?”
“Maybe so, but I still want to know the price.”
“Excuse my French, but these prices are too high.”
“I’d like something French that tastes American.”
“What? You never heard of four people ordering their steaks well done?”
“Farm-to-table is nice, but table-to-table is fine. We’ll take some leftovers.”
“Hello, Bob. I heard you lost your job at NASA.”
“Does my wife get a discount for being a senior citizen?”
“Judging the waiter’s stomach, you know the food is good.”
“You still think I should grow a moustache?”
“Do you have anything as good as a Big Mac meal?”
“Can I have fries with that?”
“I’ll have the escargot, with ketchup on the side.”
“You may know me from my work on Yelp.”
“Have Jake and Elwood been back since that frightful night?”
“There’s a fly in your toup(ee).”
“Do you have a ‘Prime Rib Happy Meal’?”
“We’ll have four ‘Filet Mignon Kiddie Meals’ . . . medium rare!”
“No more small talk about appetizers, what are the entrees?”
“Tell us about all your soups and nuts, and everything in-between.”
“What was your position in the Trump administration?”
“Does this mean the fish was lippy, or just caught?”
“Other than the outrageous price, what makes the special ‘special’?”
“Do you have any entrees that don’t require a second mortgage?”
“The Knicks are in the Finals, so we’ll take everything to go.”
“What happened to the customer who threw the spaghetti at you?”
“We’re still deciding, so perhaps a song?”
“Monsieur Joe here, was my cellmate for 3 months.”
I would like two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.
I’ll have the spaghettiOs.
My AI companion is running late but I know his order.
“Our bill will be combined. The tips will be separate.”
“I’m looking for two dinners for the price of one.”
What pairs well with existential angst?
Do you have better menus?
First of all, thank you for not being trendy.
We’re thinking something pretentious and overbearing with just a hint of self-satisfied smugness or maybe a merlot.
This probably doesn’t make a difference, but we’re all going commando.
We’ll do the Warren Buffett.
I’ve either made a horrible mistake in my appointment book or this is really an amazing colonoscopy.
We saw today’s news, so we’ll be eating like there’s no tomorrow.