Contest No. 235 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has an indication of the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which the winning caption will be announced and printed and I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, February 11, 2026.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!
102 Comments
What did you expect, angels with harps?
The best part of hell is you do not need a wardrobe.
“I’ll throw in HBO for a 3 month free trial.”
“What the hell did you expect?”
“Your roommate is a hell of a guy.”
“A good schvitz is no longer your problem.”
“Tuck or no tuck?”
It is your unlucky day — your ex wife is here too.
“I can throw in HBO for free.”
“What a horrible, terrible person you are — good job!”
“The rest of your law firm has been waiting for you.”
“Why the devil did you do all those things?”
“Smoking or super-duper smoking?”
“Sure, you can call your lawyer — he’s in the back.”
“You are just south of Heaven.”
“No, it’s e-t-e-r-n-a-l damnation, not a weekly stay.”
“No, you ARE just south of heaven.”
“Your ex-wife just cashed a one hundred million dollar Powerball Ticket and your present wife just gave the 1966 Mustang you hand restored over the past twenty years to your Mother In Law.”
“You really chose the wrong ‘The Price is Right’ door, didn’t you!”
“I need an estimate for a new sprinkler system.”
“Bob Martin, come on down! You really did select the wrong door on ‘The Price is Right’, didn’t you?”
“Do you prefer ‘Lake of Fire View’ or
‘Mountain of Fire View’?”
You can only cheat the IRS so many times.
“Aren’t you the guy that sold your mortal soul to win an Eli Stein cartoon caption contest!”
“Asbestos causes cancer!”
“I already patented a hot sauce.”
“Pitchfork — did you fill your damned quota?”
“You want to report a workplace accident?”
“Being the Union Steward in hell is like being a cop in jail.”
“Rattle Tail—there’s one in every batch!”
Of course I know you lived a good, honest and generous life, and that you didn’t commit murder, infidelity or dishonesty. But we’re in the 2020’s — and you didn’t use the new pronouns correctly.
“Whaaattt!!! You’re here because someone told you to ‘GO TO HELL!!’???”
“You weren’t the biggest sinner, but you annoyed the hell out of everyone.”
“Your wife went to heaven, so you came here!”
“We have an opening for a Good Humor boy.”
“Those better be tears of joy.”
“Mother’s maiden Name?”
“Heaven pulls this every April 1st.”
“There’s no mistake—Hell’s full of atheists.”
“As a former politician your conscience might be worth a few bucks since it’s only slightly used!”
“You were a tax lawyer for the IRS, where did you think you would end up?”
This is a place where you have to “earn your horns” everyday.
“You know some of the people here. You often told them to go to . . . . here!”
“You couldn’t see the irony involved when you claimed to be a ‘Proud Boy’?”
“The new owner is making some changes and is renaming the place, Trump’s Inferno’.”
They say the devil’s in the details. Well, you have a *lot* of details.
“You’re just in time for hot yoga.”
“It’s a fresh Hell.”
“No, there isn’t a no smoking section.”
“So, you actually thought you got away with murder, hey?”
“Says here that you worked for a heating and cooling company?”
Did your wife book this sauna for you?
“The bad news is that you would have cleaned up on the Super Bowl.”
“Welcome to the middle management level of Hell.”
“Where do you see yourself in five levels of Hell?”
“You’re a godsend.”
“Welcome to Cloud Nein.”
“Speaking of inadequate nether regions…”
“Everything here is fat free, sugar free, gluten free, non-alcoholic and uncaffeinated, so yeah, we’re Hell.”
“Surprisingly, the other similarity is a mandatory daily harp lesson.”
“The devil didn’t make you do a damn thing.”
“Why are there clouds? Damned if I know.”
“Billionaire-shmillionaire.”
“That type of language is unnecessary,sir.”
“We’re updating the place. Tomorrow we’re switching from fire and brimstone to pumpkin spice.”
“Your sin? You beat the Blue Devils once too often, coach.”
“Yes, this could have been an email, but that’s the point.”
“We prefer ‘H-e-double-toothpicks’.”
“Give me a minute, I’m doom scrolling.”
“You said ‘when it freezes over’ way too many times.”
“You said ‘when it freezes over’ too many times.”
“You really thought a fiddle contest was gonna save you?”
“You’re here because you wrote the lyrics for ‘The Devil Went Down to Georgia’!”
“I’ll have a look. What’s his last name.”
“All our clouds have silver linings.”
“You’re a registered Masochist. You’re now a Sadist.”
“Ask me if I watch South Park, and you’ll be tonight’s dinner.”
“Failure to feed your dog. No problem. You’ll feed the hounds of hell tonight.”
“So you’ve agreed to let me take your ‘Hindmost’.”
“I assume you left all your clothes in the ‘Handbasket’.”
“Finally, the guy who invented social media.”
“We don’t need any more lawyers, so we’re letting you go.”
“I hope you love the smell of sulfur in the morning.”
“You’re half-right: Hell is other people—but Hell is also Hell.”
“Sorry to hear about your allergy to brimstone.”
“No, this is just the basement at Mar-a-Lago.”
“If you had only made that SPARE . . . ”
“Well, if it isn’t Mr. Pyromaniac, himself. My prayers have been answered.”
“The food sucks, though not surprisingly the barbecue is sometimes good.”
“Also, we’re having cake for Beezlebub’s birthday at 4, so give me five dollars.”
“If you can’t stand the heat, try sitting.”
“Our road crew needs somebody with good intentions.”
“Horde? Sorry, wrong category.”
“You can checkout anytime you like but you can ‘NEVER’ leave!”
“Consider this the ultimate Burning Man Festival.”
“You can checkout anytime you like
but you can never leave!”
“Would it re-kill any one of you to, just one time, bring a few bagels and cream cheese?”
“Your wife? Grab the next ticket on the wheel.”
Feel free to delete this one if it is in poor taste. (It is hell)
“This is the only checkout at Hotel California!”
“Isn’t the way you got here as obvious as the nose on our faces!”
Is that poor little guy getting the 10 devils 😈 commandment?
“You’re just in time for today’s snowball fight.”
“You’ll find most lawyers in Circle Eight.”