Contest No. 228 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has an indication of the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which the winning caption will be announced and printed and I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, July 30, 2025.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Sure it’s an ancient-looking TV set — the cartoon was drawn many, many years ago, remember? Good luck, Captioneers!
55 Comments
Today’s news is there is no news. Good night.
“Breaking News: There is no breaking news. Repeat: No breaking news. More at 11.”
“Breaking News: there is absolutely no Breaking News tonight.”
“In other news, you’re fat, you’re bald and that shirt hasn’t fit you for years.”
Same old, same old. Thank you for watching. See you at 11 with more of the same.
“And for Steve who’s watching tonight in his living room: your wife just filed for divorce.”
“Breaking right now: No news is good news has been debunked.”
“In a major cost-cutting move, 60 Minutes will now become 60 Seconds.”
“We now turn from the hard news to the latest in conspiracy theories.”
“Breaking News . . . ‘There is no Breaking News’.”
“Breaking now: that guy with the sign ‘The World is Ending’ is finally right.”
“BREAKING NEWS . . . New York City was sold back to a group representing native americans for a large chest containing an undisclosed amount of Doge coins!”
“Recapping the night in sports, half the teams won and the other half lost.”
“And in weather, I’m not going to lie: your guess is as good as mine.”
“To attract younger viewers, Samsung will make its TVs in the shape of oversized iPhones.”
“But first, yet another annoying drug commercial for an obscure malady.”
Breaking news: the stock market continues to rise, despite everything.
“Today Stephen Colbert praised the president for reminding us that palling around with a pedophile is no joke.”
“And our whacky network psychic says that in the future, people will get their news – get this – on their phones!”
“Barry, your wife just wired this: Please turn off the TV and come to bed.”
“Let’s all say it together: I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”
“Before turning to sports and weather, we’ll pause for 30 seconds so viewers can rant and rave.”
“That’s the evening news from channel 2! And if you don’t like it there’s a guy who looks exactly like me on channel 4 and channel 7 saying the exact same thing at the exact same time.”
“If by the remote chance that you have a Television with knobs . . . don’t touch that dial!”
“Good evening I’m your three time award winning ‘News Anchor with the most natural hairpiece’ Steve Knightly.”
“From the Rose Garden the President just announced that he denies involvement in all past, present, and future events that cannot easily be blamed on one or more of the previous administrations.”
“And finally, you, yes you on the couch, get a new TV!”
“And coming live in Irv’s living room, it’s News at 11.”
“Good evening Mr. Smith. The Smithsonian called and they want their TV back.”
“From KMOR the station with more news, by George, I’m George Moore reporting nightly at six and ten.”
“Remember here at ‘Newsview 7’ we have pledged to never let truth get in the way of a good news story.”
“Don’t forget to tune in again at 12:00 A.M. for the latest 6:00 and 10:00 P.M. ‘Breaking News Story’ retractions.”
“Closed captioning is provided for those that can’t believe their ears.”
“Most of you know I am not a fan of the President or his Supporters. However I do not wish to ‘denigrate’ the President or his Supporters. So tonight I just want to say to the President and his Supporters ‘denigrate’ means to put down.”
“New study confirms what we’ve always suspected about bald men.”
“We interrupt this broadcast to remind you it’s your anniversary.”
“And now for a story that will actually affect your daily life.”
“We welcome our younger viewers watching on their phones.”
This just in: our parent company, Paramount, will be purchasing PBS. Elmo will take over The Late Show and Big Bird will host the nightly news.
“This just in . . . the President just announced that the nine member ‘U.S. Supreme Court’ today voted thirty-eight to one to uphold the validity of all recently redrawn ‘Big Beautiful Voter Re-Districting Maps’.”
“We interrupt this program to tell you to get up and stretch your legs.”
“And if my wife’s watching: that’s just some guy who looks like me on that brand new kiss-cam video.”
“Welcome to the non-Trump channel, where we can all dream of a different world.”
“Trump and Putin will debate whose Miss Le is bigger.”
“Trump and Putin will debate whose missile is bigger.”
“Mr. Jones, I’m compliance control from the I.R.S. We have not had luck reaching you but we have new tools.”
“Mr. Jones, I’m from the I.R.S. and we have not had any luck reaching you but we now have new tools.”
“Next up, our man on the street reporter ‘Phil MyCann’ will show us an easy way to beat soaring gas prices.”
On this date thirty three years ago:
“After being defeated by Japan for sixteen straight years the U.S. Women’s Olympic Figure Skating Team finally won gold thanks to new top U.S. Skater Kristi Yamaguchi.”
“We interrupt this program to tell you the little green men did land in Washington DC but they swiftly left in haste.”
Thank you for watching, no news is good news, good night.
“I’ve just been hired by CNN. Please switch to that channel immediately.”
“The good news is that you don’t need to water your lawn. The bad news is that a tsunami is coming.”
“Bulletin! This just in. I have been traded to CNN. Please switch channels immediately.”
“The good news is that you don’t need to water the lawn. The bad news is that a tsunami is coming.”