Contest No. 225 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has an indication of the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which the winning caption will be announced and printed and I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, May 7, 2025.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!
64 Comments
I’m sorry sir, but this is not a $19.95 all you can eat establishment.
“How did you hear about us, and have I ever heard of you?”
“I’m afraid I have reservations about you.”
“A table for two in which section: Small Tippers or Big Tippers?”
“Have you ever dined with us before and, if not, why not?”
“And do you consent to our strict policy of No Reviews on Yelp?”
“Shoes on or shoes off?”
“Your reservation is confirmed — pending a report by one of the three major credit bureaus.”
“We have plenty of seats available, sir, but we’re holding them in case a better class of customer should come along.”
“Hoi polloi or upper crust?”
“No reservation, hey? Well, I have reservations about that.”
“It will be a two hour wait or not, if you catch my drift?”
“Sorry, but DOGE has cancelled your reservation.”
“I need to see your SMART ID license to let you in.”
“Twenty dollars will help to jog my memory.”
“We’re booked up, but we do have a food truck in the alley.”
Service is slow tonight, the chef pulled a mussel.
Do you prefer to dine inside, outside, or the online influencer section?
“Your reservation is fine. Your credit check is the problem.”
“I’m sorry Sir. Our prices are not negotiable.”
“Your wife called. She cancelled your reservation for today.”
“We have a new delivery service. Would you like to be our first customer?”
“I have unruly kids seating, loud parents seating, or loud parents with unruly kids seating.”
“Sorry son, but no favoritism here.”
“I appreciate the fact that you and your lovely wife think the chandelier lights reflecting on my head provide a romantic atmosphere, but I still can’t find your reservation.”
“Ahh! Mister Rogers! We’re still laughing at the tip you left on the occasion of your last visit.”
“I spoke with the manager, and she will not be bringing in a TV so you can watch the hockey game.”
“If you’ve dined with us before I’m sure you have reservations.”
“You’re a bit late for the ‘early bird specials’ but your timing is perfect for our ‘menus without prices’.”
“Will you be dining with us in 20 minutes, or now if I can eat with you?”
“How’s my week going? . . . Tuesday I had a full head of hair!”
“Name and how much is the bribe for quick seating?”
“The steak is good; the salmon is good; Luigi’s one block up is excellent.”
“There will be approximately a two hour wait. Chef Pierre is presently scouring the 110 bypass for tonight’s featured entree.”
“Your American Pallet may be overwhelmed.”
“Are you the Vanderkellen’s
that usually leave a postage stamp and ten percent off Quicky Lube Coupon as a tip?”
“Yes our menu is French. Your dinner will be quite ordinary fare. It is our outrageously high prices that will make your Anniversary dinner most memorable!”
“I may have seating for you shortly . . . table ten was just shown this evening’s lobster market pricing update.”
(Jon Claude’s job change from ‘EMT’ to ‘Food Service Manager’ was not flawless.)
“Do you prefer ‘resuscitate’ or ‘do not resuscitate’ seating tonight?”
“You don’t look like Kareem Abdul Jabbar.”
“Please don’t stiff the waiter this time, okay?”
“A table by the window? You’re in luck, there’s a McDonald’s two miles south of here.”
“We are starting a collection for the betterment of my daughter. She starts University in 20 years.”
“Of course I remember you; the rest of our customers are one-off’s!”
I reserve the right to unreserve your reservation.
“It’s reserved for Single’s night. If you’re married, I can arrange for a quickie divorce.”
“You said you don’t mind waiting . . . so go take the drink orders for table 10!”
“Hi, I’m Lanny and behind me is my brother Damon. My other brother Damon works in the kitchen but he’s out scouring the by-pass for tomorrow’s specials.”
“Yes, we offer an excellent pre-theater menu. And please give my regards to Broadway.”
“You’ve only been here twice in my memory, sir. You hardly qualify as a regular customer.”
“I have a tray table. Who wants to eat first?”
“Your reservation’s in the book, but I still need the secret password.”
“In full disclosure, the restrooms have been unusually busy this evening.”
“Our format recently changed from all-you-can-eat to all-you-can-afford.”
“I’m not doubting you, but I will need to see a photo ID, Mr. Brad Pitt.”
“I do recommend the Sushi, if you take it home and fry it in butter.”
We have one table left. Is congestion pricing acceptable?
“Yes, you can order dessert if you eat your whole salad like a big boy.”
“We have a table available in the smoking, gluten free, msg, kosher, lactose intolerant, non-binary section.”
“I’m afraid we’re booked solid. Might I suggest eating from home?”
“In my previous job here I made salads but I think ‘Maitre De’ looks better than ‘Master Tosser’ on my Resume.”
“I’m living the American nightmare.”
“Vaping or no vaping?”
“Today’s rabbit is from Mr. McGregor’s garden.”