Contest No. 223 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which the winning caption will be announced and printed and I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, March 12, 2025.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!
88 Comments
“This isn’t really the kind of thing that promotes brand loyalty.”
“Wait, you’re not putting that on my permanent record, are you?”
I plead the fifth.
“Do you have my email address?”
“I’m sure I told the hostess I had a 6:00 reservation.”
“I’ll take the Yankees to win the pennant.”
“It’s really Robert but you can call me Bob.”
“Do you have any suites available?”
“I was hoping for a return ticket.”
“I had five great accomplishments this year but Elon still designated me.”
“Please note that I’m allergic to gluten.”
“I’m truly sorry, but I’m not going back just to pay off my co-insurance charges!”
“You don’t check my Twitter posts, right?”
“I got early admission to Yale — does that work up here too?”
“I know I’m not dead, but I really miss my dog.”
“So will I be wearing these same clothes for all of eternity?”
“So how do I know this isn’t one big cosmic prank?”
“What do you mean I’m going to have a hell of a time here?”
“Please don’t tell my ex-wife I’m here. She tortured me enough already.”
“I’ve always wanted a Porsche and a hot girl.”
Saint Peter, I would like a second opinion.
I’m only human.
“Are you kidding me . . . ‘Nine Sins or Less’?”
“When I was nine my dog ‘Sparky’ died and my mom said G-d must need him in Heaven. Fast forward fifty years and here I stand, still wondering what G-d thought he was gonna do with a dead dog?”
“Just so you know, my legs are my best quality.”
“But I was only kidding when I said I wish I was.”
“But my wife was with me when it happened?”
“I just watched ‘The Good Place’, so I’m a little skeptical.”
“But . . . but . . . I just got this mustache to start filling in.”
“It was Halloween and I thought he was just dressed as the Grim Reaper.”
“Anyway, it’s called bungee jumping.”
“She never said she was married.”
“Knarly ‘tache Pearly Dud . . . how long do it take to wax dat thang?”
“I considered having a full facial beard but decided that I wanted women to be the death of me.”
“I don’t think that book is big enough to record all my indiscretions.”
“I was a commando. I don’t go commando.”
“Okay! Okay! Two bottles of Pinot Noir & one wheel of Camembert.”
“Will I get my own cloud?”
“You’re a dead ringer for Santa Claus.”
“Did you just say, ‘How are you?'”
“I would like to appeal your decision . . . are you sure there are no lawyers close by?”
“I’d like a job with some upward mobility.”
“I have an appointment with Pearly Gates.”
Well . . . would you ever consider ‘return to sender’?
“I did treat my wife with respect. It was my mistress I didn’t respect.”
“While I was driving to work I selected ‘UPDATE NOW’ on my navigation app, then here I am.”
“But, I’m Canadian!”
“Girl Guides are relentless. I’ll have two boxes of Caramel deLites and a box of thin Mints.”
“Can I keep my phone?”
“Are the wings ‘one size fits all’ or what?”
“Can I at least get one of those little participation trophies?”
“Please tell me you didn’t just read that crazy story on-line about ‘Gingers being soul-less?”
“I was going to ask, how’s the All-You-Can-Eat buffet, but why ask the obvious.”
“You can be easily replaced. Just need a security camera, a database and a trap door.”
“I thought you’d be busier.”
“I didn’t realize there was so much paperwork.”
“Is this what you do when you’re not delivering presents?”
“What do you mean I can’t get in until I pay off my student loans?”
“Is Jerry here? He owes me five bucks.”
“But it’s time for Final Jeopardy.”
“I thought, what could go wrong with the Hot Dog Eating Contest?”
“But I just had that for my last meal.”
“If I could change one thing, it would be that jump shot I missed in high school.”
“I would like to be in the room where it happens.”
“ID?”
“Monday fell on Tuesday last Wednesday, so my Thursday earthly departure date was moved to Friday this past Saturday. Never mind I just realized days of the week don’t exist here.”
“I’m the IT guy you called to digitize your books.”
“No offense, but I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”
“Now I see why Mom counseled clean underwear.”
Could I at least go back until the mustache revival ends?
“I guess this will be my final user ID and password?”
“Denying me entry, with a smile on your face. . . . Jerk!”
“What’s with the gate? Wouldn’t God know if someone tried to sneak in?”
“I’d like a job with downward mobility.”
“What do you mean I’m late.”
“I didn’t steal that car in ’67. It wasn’t me. You have to believe me.”
“Before I agree to this. What’s your Wi-Fi speed like and do you have turndown service?”
“I’m not the guy you’re looking for — it’s my cousin Bill you’re after. We look a lot alike. He’s on the 405 right now heading to work . . . ”
“This doesn’t seem fair. Do you know what it’s like down there?”
“That’s it. Next life I request to be a cat. Write that down.”
“I’m here to see Mom and Dad. What are your visiting hours?”
“Anything but a Tesla.”
“I did promise to leave the country if the election didn’t go my way!”
“Do you have an ample supply of eggs?”
“Do you have an adequate supply of eggs?”
“I’m here to represent my client who’s currently in limbo.”
“Would you pass a message to the Big Guy for me?”
“Would you let the Arch Angel Gabriel know that his Uber Eats delivery is here?”