Contest No. 219 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, November 20, 2024.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. I hope you can improve on my original caption, which you will be able to see in a week’s time. Good luck, Captioneers!
59 Comments
I can’t believe they’re stopping the love advice column
“What’s this Digital Age I keep reading about?”
“The news is bleak, and the forecast is for a lot more bleak.”
“Is this news out of Washington for real, or did they add a second April Fools’ Day to the calendar?”
“Are you having the tuna on rye or the Reuben today?”
“If you told me ten years ago that people would pay money to have goats mow their lawn, I’d never have believed you.”
“Remind me: have I always been grumpy, or did the news make me this way?”
“Think we can score front row seats to the Lawrence Welk tribute show tonight?”
Maybe we should give this up and get computers.
“You think that’s bad? Wait till you get to the next page.”
See the one about the raccoon breaking into the donut shop — he ate a dozen glazed before passing out?
“When did the news become so relentless?”
“If you ask me, it’s all spinach and I say the hell with it.”
“I thought you said Harris was a shoe-in!”
“What?! We only made $40,000 this week?”
“That scoundrel — he promised ME a cabinet position.”
“Did you take my Comics section again?!”
“And they are STILL not putting the Financials above the fold.”
“This is no time for cutting back on the comics section.”
“No news is good news — so I’m canceling my subscription.”
“Anymore, I can’t tell if this is the newspaper or The Onion.”
“I’m outraged, so please tell me you’re at least smoldering.”
“I don’t know what irks me more: the news or your air of unflappability.”
“You’re taking up all the light.”
“The rumor is that I am having an affair with Melania.”
“We better get our shots now. Kennedy is the new Health Czar.”
“What say we move to a red state and open a gun shop.”
“This must be a mis-quote, it says I have the shareholder’s interests at heart.”
“On a positive note my stocks weren’t listed in the Obituary Section today?”
“At least my stocks are not printed in the funny paper section.”
Remember the good old days before they took the Internet away? We’re going backwards, I tell you!
I bought the Fake Newspaper by mistake. Can I read the Real Newspaper when you’re done?
Now I know the world is really ending. Not a single cartoon in here!
You read my cartoon and I don’t even hear a laugh?
“Having turned 80 I find your printing my obituary in the stock market section not to be as amusing as it once was.
“This HAS to be fake news.”
“I’ll be Ed Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and you’ll be Op-Ed Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.”
“Until today I never noticed that people die in alphabetical order?”
“I used to worry about being over the hill . . .
but after reading the local obituaries I’m just happy not being under it!”
“It’s finally happened — there’s too much news fit to print.”
“Butch, they still have no clue that Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid are alive and well.”
“I told that reporter I studied four years at ‘Penn State’ not four years in the ‘State Pen’!”
“My Market Summary/Horoscope says this is not a good day to buy a gun or stand close to open windows.”
“I would stop subscribing but placing the Editorial Page in the bottom of the birdcage gives me so much satisfaction.”
This paper is a lot more interesting when you read it upside down.
“White collar criminals are allowed to win elections — now they tell us!”
“It’s ironic that the obits are included in the late edition.”
“If my stocks go any lower I’ll become a laughingstock.”
“It’s a relief knowing there are people who have more trouble than me.”
“The best part of this newspaper is the caption contest.”
“It says . . . WARNING!: This newspaper is printed in a facility where employees have been known to eat peanuts and/or drink milk’!”
“Last week I tried reading my newspaper online but the mid-week wind and rain left nothing but clothes pins and small bits of wet newspaper behind.”
“Five hundred thousand gallons of milk was just recalled because the dairy failed to include a warning stating that the one gallon jugs contained milk.”
“Can’t wait till we can read this on a 2 by 4 inch screen.”
“You don’t look grumpy — you’re not reading fast enough.”
“Do you remember when you used to tell everyone life was easier ‘BEFORE’ you made your fortune?”
“Remember when we used to say life was easier before we hit it big in the stock market?”
Cripes Martin, they’ve got it wrong! They say you’re from Hampton in Jersey, not North Haven in the Hamptons!
“It appears that todays market ranges from somewhat bleak to apocalyptically bleak!”