Contest No. 213 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, June 5, 2024.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!
56 Comments
“I don’t see how we could have been found guilty, your honor. We just brought in the sandwiches.”
“Your Honor, this exact line of questioning was used by ‘Matlock’ in season 2 to determine what is causing the bulge in the witness’s pocket!”
Your Honor, my client sees no evil, hears no evil, and speaks no evil. He is not guilty.
“Your Honor, I think I now recognize juror number 4. He was one of my victims . . . er, one of my business associates.”
“Could you tell juror number 5 to stop winking at me? He is making me uncomfortable.”
“Your Honor, the tone of the prosecution’s ‘objection’ hurt my client’s feelings.”
“My client would like to change his plea to guilty with a questionable explanation.”
“Not guilty, Your Honor, because my client paid me to say that.”
“Not guilty, Your Honor, because of a loophole to be named later.”
“Not guilty, Your Honor — but what do I know, I’m just his lawyer.”
“Not guilty of this one — and luckily, the statute of limitations has run on all the other ones.”
“Because of the size of the retainer, we’ll go with not guilty.”
” . . . well, if that can’t work, how about if I call in Michael Cohen?”
“Not guilty?”
“Not guilty — pending any evidence to the contrary.”
“Deep down, aren’t we all guilty of something?”
“The word around town is that you can be overly judgemental but otherwise you’re the fairest of them all.”
Fox News has already decided the outcome. Does that mean we’re done?
“The word around town is that you’re overly judgemental but otherwise the fairest of them all.”
“I was just telling my client that you should be appointed to the Supreme Court any day now.”
“The defendant and I were just discussing what a handsome man you are, your Honor.”
“Before the jury comes back, my client wants to know if you accept hush money?”
“The defendant was just saying what a handsome ‘Supreme Court Justice’ you would be.”
“I am officially requesting a ‘Change of Venue.’ My client’s preference is ‘Judge Judy’s Courtroom’ at 2:30 P.M. Thursday afternoon Channel 42.”
Your Honour, could we delay the case — my wife has run off with my toupee.
“With regard to the charge of ‘Insider Trading’, my client will, in exchange for a sentence of ‘Time Served’, sign a confession which includes three additional stock tips.”
“My client wishes to apologize for his ‘G-d doesn’t think he’s a Judge’ remark and is now prepared to sing like a bird.”
“I would just like to say my client and I know that you reached an impartial decision based on evidence and facts and we’d like to thank you, Cousin J . . . I mean
. . . Your Honor.”
“My client can’t pay my fees so I’ve just become disinterested in his case.”
“My client may have killed eight people but he immediately felt bad about it.”
“My client gets the feeling that you are looking down on him.”
“Can you keep a secret?”
“Uh huh, . . . is too his fault!”
“My client doesn’t know the porn star, but is willing to watch her ten best roles to refresh his recollection.”
“My client’s defense will be a good offense.”
“My client’s previous trials ended with hung juries — but I hasten to add, my client did not personally do the hangings.”
Your honor, the only crime this man did, was to hire me as his lawyer.
“Before passing sentence, in this billion dollar insider trading case, perhaps the court would like to hear examples of the defendant’s other stock picks?”
“My client would prefer to plead ‘Guilty But You’ve Never Met His Boss’.”
“My client wants ‘Alleged’ added to ‘bank robber seen by police with a gun, mask, red dye and a demand note on him’.”
“I’m asking for a short recess, Your Honor. My client is overwhelmed with pangs of guilt.”
“Nice flag. From the wife?”
“Let’s forget for a moment that witnesses saw Bert drive away with a bag of cash in a car with a personalized ‘Little Bert’ license plate. Let’s also forget for a moment that my client robbed two other stores in the same area . . . and finally let’s forget everything I just said because I think I just convicted my client.”
I motion for an expedited trial on the grounds that my cat will be very upset if I miss her birthday party.
“The prosecutor hates your guts.”
We’re gonna need an extension. Henry here won a trip to Hawaii.
“Our client has informed us that he’s left the country and feels that being here is counter-productive.”
“My client wishes to be tried by a jury of his peers, but finding 12 more saints may prove difficult.”
“I just wanted to approach the bench to say my client is really weird and I feel safer up here with you!”
“My client knows he has the right to represent himself and hereby requests a three year continuance to attend law school.”
“My client clamors for justice, requests an expedited trial, and bellows his innocence — but I have my doubts.”
“I request a fire extinguisher be kept near the stand. During similar proceedings, Your Honor, my client’s pants have been known to spontaneously combust!”
“My client says this whole thing is a witch hunt. He watches a lot of TV.”
“I’m close to being selected as People’s Magazine sexiest man so TV coverage would really help me.”
“I’m not actually an attorney but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night!”
“My client says that his dog ate the exculpatory evidence.”