Contest No. 211 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, April 10, 2024.
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!
47 Comments
Now that you’ve wasted 1.5 seconds complimenting my tie and my response is currently wasting another 6.7 seconds I calculate the likelihood of you receiving a favorable outcome here has already decreased by a few percentage points. Shall we continue?
Don’t worry, your money is safe with us.
I am glad to meet the person who overpaid on his taxes, and told us to keep the rest for a donation.
“You’re going to have to show proof of the $7,000,000 charitable contribution.”
“No, we can’t do double or nothing.”
“Cheating is not subjective.”
“We found your deductions hilarious.”
“Well, for future reference, a good first step would be to actually file a return . . .”
Unfortunately, “whoopsie-doopsie” is not a valid excuse for tax fraud.
“Sorry, we don’t check your independent rear suspension.”
“Taxpayers that smile a lot may be Externally Audited after their Internal Audit is completed.”
“Taxpayers that smile a lot may be Externally Audited too.”
“It might have been ‘The Net Amount after the Wife’s Compulsive Shopping Sprees’ that prompted the Audit.”
“No, it’s not OK to claim the five kids of the guy that stole your identity last year as dependents.”
“You really didn’t mean to say that out loud did you?”
“I have found that people that cheat on their taxes often avoid eye contact and smile a lot.”
“Be a little more positive, Mr. Zoot, your return was selected from more than 168,000,000 our computer read this time!”
“Yes, some of your income is PERSONAL . . . but that doesn’t mean I can’t discuss it with you!”
“Our records indicate that you haven’t been audited since 2021. I hope you weren’t starting to think we didn’t like you any more.”
“You call them mistakes, I call them 5 to 10’s.”
“After you signed on the dotted line, I connected the dots.”
“Your independent rear suspension is not our concern.”
Taxes are real, sir, even if you don’t believe in them.
“The bad news for us is we can’t prove your fraud; the good news is you’re hired.”
“No, you can’t just audit your ex-wife and her boyfriend.”
“We prefer ‘auditors’, not ‘evil lucifer-like villains’.”
“I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”
“Looks like the ‘tables’ have turned.”
We audit company financials, not operations.
“Mr. Jones, why would anyone be “Claiming” Ten Baby-Sitters . . .
For Two Children?”
“So you have one employee, named Guido, that works at your Business Protection Agency? I believe that’s all the questions I have for now.”
May I suggest an eye test? This is AUDITS not AUDITIONS.
“Your trip to the Cayman Islands for ‘Exploration’ seems a bit sketchy.”
“And just why did you bring a briefcase ‘stuffed with money’, sir?”
“You’ll find that I’m not as charitable as you claim to be, Mr. Smithers.”
“No, it’s not ok for you to refer to me as Mr. Audits.”
“You may ‘NOT’ phone a friend before answering any of my questions.”
“You’re only entitled to a phone call . . . ‘after’ you’ve been arrested.”
“Unless you show me that you can fly, your deduction for Superman capes seems inappropriate.”
“We just like for you to think you were randomly selected for this.”
You’re off the hook for any back taxes, but I’m charging you a thousand dollars for use of the chair.
No, you can’t claim your wife as 2 dependents, even though she spends twice what you earn.
“I not interested in seeing your magic tricks. It reads Audits, and that is not short for auditions.”
“NO SIR, you may ‘NOT’ phone a friend to help with your answers!”
“It’s ‘Mister Audie Audits’ to you Sir.”
“At least I’m not trying to sell you a timeshare.”
“You better call your wife and tell her you’ll be tied up for about ten years.”