Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 209

“I know these Valentine cards are expensive, but aren’t your wife, girlfriend and mistress worth it?”

(by Diane Weisman)


My original caption: “Valentine’s Day cards? Certainly, sir. For or against?”


Congrats, Diane Weisman, on your ninth win! Your first victory was way back in 2016, in Contest No. 99, and your most recent victory was not that long ago, in Contest No. 204. I hope you will be celebrating wildly and whooping up the fact that once again you are one of the funniest people around.

I was surprised at the great amount of  bitterness that was evident in many of the submitted captions. I hope you Captioneers are not confusing mean-spirited bitterness or sarcasm with genuinely funny humor, because those elements don’t usually work well together.

Here are the other entries that I was seriously considering:

“What would you like to communicate to your wife’s attorney?” (by Michael Lomazow)

“Valentine’s Day is not a holiday where you buy one card and get one free.” (also by Diane Weisman)

“Have you tried our new “Grumpy Old Man’ Section?” (by Lee Lacewell)

“Don’t you think sending the I.R.S. a ‘Better Luck Next Time’ card is asking for trouble?” (also by Michael Lomazow)

“You got me — perhaps we should carry sympathy cards for those who lost in their Super Bowl pool.” (by Gary)

“Why yes, Sir . . . we carry Wedding and Sympathy cards . . . but not combined.” (by Kay Ralph)


Contest No. 210 will be posted in due course, so be on the lookout for it. Thanks for participating, Captioneers!


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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).