Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 209

Contest No. 209 starts right now.

Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption that you enter has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, February 14, 2024 (yes, St. Valentine’s Day).

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!


  1. “The term is used broadly. There are no cards expressing sympathy but mild contempt for someone who has broken a toe putting her foot into a shoe with a shoehorn she’d left inside it.”

  2. “May I suggest a card that says ‘I love you’ with an enclosed check that says ‘but not that much’?”

  3. “We’re going to pick out a birthday card for mother that shows how much we love her and you are going to call and invite her to stay with us for the summer.”

  4. “You want to know how much trouble YOU are in? YOU’RE going to pick out a birthday card for my mother that shows how much YOU love her and YOU’RE gonna call and invite her to stay with us for the summer!”

  5. “I’m sorry but I know we don’t have any that wish your mother in law would find a place of eternal damnation and all consuming fire!”

  6. “Look at me! . . . You need to help pick a card for mother’s birthday . . . Don’t look at me that way!”

  7. “It will be hard to find a card that captures all the joy and love you are radiating right now, but I’m happy to help you look.”

  8. “Your idea to develop a card celebrating post surgery bowel movement is backed up in committee and won’t be released anytime soon.”

  9. We do have ‘For my Daughter on her Wedding Day’ cards. I’m not sure if any say, ‘Please do not have any kids’.

  10. Have you ever thought of being a front door greeter. You can greet people by saying, ‘I will remain here, to enhance your shopping pleasure’.

  11. “This year, George, you’re not getting away with recycling one of my previous year Valentine’s cards.”

  12. “No Sir, I’m sorry . . . I don’t believe that we do carry a card that says —
    ‘I Heard You Lost Your Job and Smashed Your Car . . . It Couldn’t Happen to a Nicer Guy!'”

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).