Contest No. 209 starts right now.
Here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. To enter, simply (1) click on “See Comments and Add Your Own”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. There is no charge to submit captions, and the only prize is the honor of being one of the funniest people around.
Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This will give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. Every posted caption that you enter has a notation as to the date and time it was received. This is an equal opportunity contest!
There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also reveal my original caption. I am the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I deem to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).
The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Wednesday, February 14, 2024 (yes, St. Valentine’s Day).
Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. Good luck, Captioneers!
61 Comments
I`m sorry Mr. Grump you`ve already purchased all our I hate everybody cards.”
We do not sell I want a divorce cards.
“I’m sorry, we don’t have ‘Get Sick’ cards for ex-wives.”
“No, ‘I Hate Your Stinkin’ Face’ is one card we don’t carry.”
“The ‘Please Move Away, You’re a Terrible Neighbor’ cards are one aisle over.”
“What would you like to communicate to your wife’s attorney?”
“That would fall under our threats and coercion cards.”
Sorry, but we’re all out of cards for sore losers.
“The term is used broadly. There are no cards expressing sympathy but mild contempt for someone who has broken a toe putting her foot into a shoe with a shoehorn she’d left inside it.”
“May I suggest a simple congratulatory card with a $500 check enclosed for your graduating Nephew?”
“May I suggest a card that says ‘I love you’ with an enclosed check that says ‘but not that much’?”
“We’re going to pick out a birthday card for mother that shows how much we love her and you are going to call and invite her to stay with us for the summer.”
“You want to know how much trouble YOU are in? YOU’RE going to pick out a birthday card for my mother that shows how much YOU love her and YOU’RE gonna call and invite her to stay with us for the summer!”
“We need a card for your secretary that says get well but DON’T come back to work any time soon!”
“Valentine’s Day is not a holiday where you buy one card and get one free.”
“Sorry Sir, but we’re all out of ‘Grumpy Old Men’ cards!”
“I’m sorry but I know we don’t have any that wish your mother in law would find a place of eternal damnation and all consuming fire!”
“You buy me a ‘Belated Birthday’ card and I’ll buy you a ‘Get Well Soon’ card.”
Have you considered divorcing your family?
Birthday cards weren’t that cheap, even when you were a kid.
I don’t think we carry cards that would make you laugh.
May I suggest you try the florist down the street?
It helps if you know what your wife likes.
I want a card for a someone I do not like.
You don’t have to buy me a bon-voyage card. Three weeks away from you is good enough.
We’re not qualified to say why no one sends you greeting cards.
“I suggest you try the next aisle over sir; It’s the ‘Grumpy Old Man’ section?”
“It’s not our fault that you mixed up your wives and your girlfriends Valentines Day Cards.”
Every day is an occasion if you think about it.
You want to mail your wife a sympathy card that reads, “Sorry to hear your mother is moving in”.
You’d like a card for your mother’s bunion surgery?
“I guess romance isn’t in the cards.”
“I’ll take that as a no.”
“Would it kill you to send my mother a birthday card?”
“I guess flowers and candy are out of the question, too?”
“Have you tried our new ‘Grumpy Old Man’ Section?”
“What did your generation do for birthdays before birthday cards were invented?”
“Look at me! . . . You need to help pick a card for mother’s birthday . . . Don’t look at me that way!”
I know these Valentine cards are expensive, but aren’t your wife, girlfriend and mistress worth it?
“I’ve never seen a card that someone would send to themselves.”
‘You may have a lot of great ideas for greeting cards, but we don’t make them.”
“Don’t you think sending the I.R.S. a ‘Better Luck Next Time’ card is asking for trouble?”
If you find a ‘I want a divorce’ card, we can both sign it.
You look like you can help. What would put a smile on your face?
Which card do you think your wife would like if you took ill?
“It will be hard to find a card that captures all the joy and love you are radiating right now, but I’m happy to help you look.”
“Your idea to develop a card celebrating post surgery bowel movement is backed up in committee and won’t be released anytime soon.”
“We have blank cards since you seem to have drawn one.”
We do have ‘For my Daughter on her Wedding Day’ cards. I’m not sure if any say, ‘Please do not have any kids’.
We sell greeting cards, not go away cards.
Have you ever thought of being a front door greeter. You can greet people by saying, ‘I will remain here, to enhance your shopping pleasure’.
Don’t worry Mister. I promise I will not try to pick your pocket.
“Perhaps you’ll find cards more to your liking at the ‘Ninty-Nine Cent Store’ down the street.”
You lost your wife? You sure she didn’t run away?
Personalize? Sure! We can insert your headshot, in place of the Bald Eagle, for the 4th of July card.
“So, your anniversary falls on February 14th and your wife’s birthday is on February 14th, too?
“This year, George, you’re not getting away with recycling one of my previous year Valentine’s cards.”
“No Sir, I’m sorry . . . I don’t believe that we do carry a card that says —
‘I Heard You Lost Your Job and Smashed Your Car . . . It Couldn’t Happen to a Nicer Guy!'”
“Mother-in-Laws should be Out-lawed . . . no sir, I don’t believe we do.”
You got me — perhaps we should carry sympathy cards for those who lost in their Super Bowl pool.
“Why yes, Sir . . . we carry Wedding and Sympathy cards . . .
but not combined.”