Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 189

“Roses are red

Violets are blue

We’re all at “he’s guilty’

Except juror two.”

(by Rich Wolf)


My original caption:

“We find the defendant guilty, his lawyer slick,

And you, the judge, arbitrary and rude.

This whole experience has made us quite sick,

But it’s over now — we’re out of here, dude!”


Congratulations once again, Rich Wolf — this is your twelfth victory and now it’s a string of three winning captions in a row! Your simple take on the familiar refrain of “Roses are red, violets are blue . . . ” got the biggest smile from me. Once again, I judge you to be definitely one of the funniest people around.

Here are the other submissions that I was seriously considering;

“This jury finds that if you do the crime

you do the time.” (by Diane Weisman)


“To get to the point

we recommend the joint.” (by Michael Lomazow)


“Jury find chef no good.

Taste was lacking. Smell bad too.

Quiche him goodbye.” (by Mark) Thanks for the haiku, Mark. Also thanks for the mention of my “quiche” caption from Contest No. 188. It didn’t make any sense in relation to this drawing, but I appreciated the thought, anyway.


“We have studied this case for a long time

To determine the extent of the crime

But after so much debate

And making you wait

Not guilty! It’s OK to use words that don’t rhyme!” (by Bruce Morgenstern)


“With due respect to Your Honor,

Set bail and this guy’s a goner.

So, get on with his case,

and we’ll put him in place!

And you’ll be home in time for supper.” (by Brendan F. Gannon)


“I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked. Oh also the guy is guilty.” (by Marc Eliot Stein)


“The defendant was brought to justice

and found guilty by just us.” (by Pat Foley)


“We find the defendant guilty of the crime,

straight to jail

without any bail.” (also by Diane)


“To be or not to be, in the slammer, that is the question. The answer: To be.” (by Kelly)


“Your honor, we find that he did the crime!

And he must do the time!

We suggest a life sentence!

Even though that doesn’t rhyme!” (by Dominick Mancino)


A new Contest will be posted shortly. Thanks for participating!




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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).