Winner of Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 180

“Santa needs to keep his hands to himself.”

(by Michael Lomazow)


My original caption: “Well, are you going to hire me for the Santa job, or aren’t you?”


Congratulations, Michael Lomazow, on this, your second victory. Once again you have proved to be one of the funniest people around.

FULL DISCLOSURE: Oops . . . in my haste and eagerness to choose a “Christmas-y” drawing for this contest, I inadvertently picked a cartoon of mine that had actually been published before, way back in December 1984. Even though the  printed cartoon was slightly different, had no red color and had a caption that was worded a little differently, it was essentially the same. You can see it in my archives, if you wish, by selecting the publication Stock Market Magazine in my sidebar, and scrolling down. What’s even more interesting is that in the 1984 version the Santa gal is obviously a black woman — civil rights was very much in the news back then. In my newer version, it’s hard to tell from the drawing if the applicant is black or just very embarrassed. That must have caused a good deal of confusion for you Captioneers. Sorry about the whole mix-up. I blame it on my old age and will make every effort to do better in the future.

Here are the other captions that were being seriously considered:

“Yes, I can see that children sitting on my lap would cause a little problem.” (by Diane)

“Rudolph just created an unhealthy workplace, and I’m not cleaning it up!” (by Brendan Gannon)

“There’s no Santa clause in my contract.” (by Pat Foley). I can just imagine Chico Marx turning over in his grave over this caption.

“Santa is being a bit too jolly of an old elf.” (by Kelasher)

A new contest will be posted before you know it. Thanks for your entries, Captioneers!


  1. “I had wondered about all the zebra-stripe lines on the lady’s hands and
    face. I had pondered for a day or two on their significance, and couldn’t
    come up with anything. Then when Mr. Wolf commented on it in his
    submission, I was relieved that it just wasn’t me that found it strange.”

    I also liked the “I haven’t got the stomach for it” submission . . . as kids in
    the Santa line can definitely be hard to stomach, and the lady in the Santa
    suit definitely had a tiny waistline.

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).