Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 167

Contest No. 167 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. You will also be asked to verify that you are a human being and not a robot. Please follow the instructions in the “Captcha” box. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, November 17, 2020.   

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.


  1. “So then my friend says, you
    “So then my friend says, you know the Trump White House is looking to hire some good people …”

  2. “No… We politicians, are
    “No . . . we politicians are pegged as the trouble-makers . . .
    no buzz cuts for us . . . they can spot us in a second!”

  3. I didn’t realize exercising
    I didn’t realize exercising my vote meant I would be exercising here for 10 to 20.

  4. “Yesterday, I’m teaching my
    “Yesterday, I’m teaching my grade three class, when . . .
    out of nowhere, a disillusioning sense of power overtook me,
    and I actually had the audacity to discipline a child!”

  5. “Couldn’t make a go of it on
    “Couldn’t make a go of it on the outside, with the Covid and
    all . . . had to close down shop. In here, I have all the buzz
    cuts I can handle!”

  6. “I’ll give them credit for
    “I’ll give them credit for being in style . . . these untucked shirts are cool.”

  7. It’s Jello night tonight, so
    It’s Jello night tonight, so we’re moving the break out to tomorrow night. Pass it on!

  8. This is the only way I could
    This is the only way I could get some space from my family during this Covid crisis!

  9. I`ve been wearing this
    “I`ve been wearing this invisible straightjacket for years. The wardens can`t find the release straps.”

  10. “How did we bypass the buzz
    “How did we bypass the buzz-cut, you ask . . . Well . . .
    we’re pretty sure, the two guards that frisked us
    like it this way!”

  11. We need a little excitement
    We need a little excitement out here, so tomorrow we will meet at the other side of the court.

  12. “Give it to me straight,
    “Give it to me straight, Lefty . . . Do we make the cut . . .
    We have to be believable, for the ‘Warden’ edition
    of “undercover Boss!”

  13. “Every breath we take, every
    “Every breath we take, every move we make, every step we take, they’ll be watching us.”

  14. “Is there a way out of here?
    “Is there a way out of here? Yep, just climb that wall and ask the guy in the tower.”

  15. If this outbreak gets any
    If this outbreak gets any worse, I’m going to kill somebody so I’ll be in solitary.

  16. “Do leap-year’s, and day
    “Do leap-year’s, and day-light savings time count as good-time or bad-time?”

  17. “I’d really like to help you
    “I’d really like to help you move to Cellblock A tomorrow but I’ve got an early T-time!”

  18. “If I had gone straight I
    “If I had gone straight I wouldn’t be going to the dance with you Saturday night!”

  19. ” I’m Michael Jones,the art
    ” I’m Michael Jones, the art forger. You know that Mona Lisa is an original Jones. “

  20. “Let’s close membership with
    “Let’s close membership with three. Any more and we lose our panache.”

  21. “I’m not exerting my defiant
    “I’m not exerting my defiant side . . . I’m trying
    to cover my ‘Man-Boobs!'”

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).