Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 164

Contest No. 164 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. You will also be asked to verify that you are a human being and not a robot. Please follow the instructions in the “Captcha” box. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, August 25, 2020.   

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.



  1. “The ‘Scared Straight At Home
    “The ‘Scared Straight At Home’ program sure was working wonders.”

  2. Tonight the candidate have
    Tonight the candidates have agreed to an intellectual and insightful debate in which they will carefully and accurately recite facts and if necessary, work cooperatively to arrive at insightful and transparent policies that optimally benefit American society

  3. “…and that’s tonight’s news
    “…and that’s tonight’s news. We tell it like it is, so you can sit back and relax!”

  4. Election ballots will be
    Election ballots will be covered in “cheeto dust” per the instructions of the Supreme Leader, who unironically asked that he no longer be called Agent Orange.

  5. ” Breaking News… President
    ” Breaking News . . . President Trump announced his
    ‘Cold Shoulder’ plan . . . Just IGNORE the Covid Virus,
    and, he is confident that it will eventually go away!”

  6. “Major Recall… on men’s
    “Major Recall . . . on men’s hair growth product, GROWGAIN . . .
    The concerning side effects . . . Explosive diarrhea and
    temporary rigor mortis!”

  7. “Warning to all ‘COVID
    “Warning to all ‘COVID VACCINE-TESTING’ volunteers . . .
    Report to Emerg immediately, if experiencing any stiffness or
    paralysis, and ‘avoid’ sitting or reclining, at all costs!”

  8. “Protest over ‘COVID’
    “Protest over ‘COVID’ cancellation of Halloween? . . . You want a
    mask, protestors . . . pull out a covid mask, and then, dig into
    your moth-eaten pockets and buy your kid a freakin bag of candy!!
    We’re in a PANDEMIC, people!”

  9. “Ladies and gentlemen, Donald
    “Ladies and gentlemen, Donald Trump has officially won a second term as President of the United States.”

  10. And in other news, our
    And in other news, our president has just retweeted a denounced chiropractor’s statement that “slumping” causes the virus.

  11. “In other news, spontaneous
    “In other news, spontaneous rigor mortis continues to plague the tri-state area.”

  12. “In today’s news, all the
    “In today’s news, all the sports teams won, it’s 70 degrees and sunny again, and there was no violence in the world.”

  13. “If you are a victim of
    “If you are a victim of “Spontaneous Body Rigidity”, please slide to a phone and call our hotline.”

  14. ” And in medical news,if you
    ” And in medical news, if you feel stiff, please call disease control for further instructions. The number is 1-800 I’m dead. “

  15. “Just our daily reminder.
    “Just our daily reminder . . . your choice for the next president is either Trump or Biden!”

  16. “We know little about the
    “We know little about the corona virus but doctors are now saying you can catch it from your local anchor man.”

  17. “We must proceed with caution
    “We must proceed with caution,” the Prime Minister stated . . .
    Therefore, golf courses, beaches and parks will remain closed . . .
    Bars, strip clubs and marijuana stores, may open with restrictions!”

  18. “Ladies and gentlemen, it is
    “Ladies and gentlemen, it is now official . . . Donald J. Trump has been re-elected and is the President of the Unites States of America for the next four years!!!!

  19. Listening to the news I try
    Listening to the news I try to keep a stiff upper lip,
    but decided my entire body would be better.

  20. “On behalf of KWRT…I would
    “On behalf of KWRT . . . I would like to convey a special thank you
    to our local dentist, Dr. Anderson . . . the oldest participant
    to enter our Polar Bear Swim for Charity!”

  21. This newscaster has nothing
    This newscaster has nothing but old news. What a real stiff, and they call me a stiff!

  22. A relaxation exercise for
    A relaxation exercise for these difficult times: tense up, tense up, tense up… good! Now relax. I said, relax. Are you okay, sir?

  23. “Mr Wilson I`ll be round
    “Mr Wilson I`ll be round shortly I`ve found your wallet in my wifes bedroom.

  24. So the drug appears to be
    So the drug appears to be linked to male-pattern baldness accompanied by rigor mortis, and painful death. But the good news is that it cures the virus! Back to you, Sue!

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).