Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 162

Contest No. 162 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. You will also be asked to verify that you are a human being and not a robot. Please follow the instructions in the “Captcha” box. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. However, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, July 7, 2020.   

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.


  1. “Apparently… My wisdom
    “Apparently . . . my wisdom teeth have ‘HOOKED ROOTS,’ and
    apparently . . . the dental chair is ‘NOT’ equipped with

  2. “It sucks that my head is
    “It sucks that my head is stuck like this ’cause I don’t wanna look at you right now.”

  3. “…but when I saw that 10
    “… but when I saw that 10 pack of toilet paper I just lost all control!”

  4. “No, Stan, I don’t believe
    “No, Stan, I don’t believe this does hurt you more than it hurts me.” [Note: Ideally “does” would be in italics.]

  5. “No… It is not alright to
    “No . . . it is not alright to leave the dishes until
    I’m on the mend!”

  6. “I don’t know why bad things
    “I don’t know why bad things always happen to you, Ted.
    But don’t fret . . . I should be back in a week or so . . .
    to cook your dinners and listen to all your troubles.”

  7. “It’s okay, Henry… The
    “It’s okay, Henry . . . the facial sling is not blocking my ears . . . you can vent about your day at work!”

  8. “It’s all so surreal….
    “It’s all so surreal . . . flowers,
    and off of my feet for the day!”

  9. “Now… will you remember to
    “Now . . . will you remember to put the toilet seat back down?”

  10. “Maybe, you can invite your
    “Maybe you can invite your boss to dinner next month . . . I’m kind of tied up right now!”

  11. “Bet it was a bigger shock,
    “Bet it was a bigger shock ‘this time around’ . . .
    when Doc informed you that I was a ‘mummy!'”

  12. Thanks for bringing me these
    Thanks for bringing me these flowers, but you know I’m allergic, dear.

  13. “I’m not hurt, dear… This
    “I’m not hurt, dear . . . this is my Weekend Retreat-
    ‘Herbal Wrap/Chin Lift’ Spa treatment!”

  14. “I’ve been in a coma for
    “I’ve been in a coma for three weeks, what happened on General Hospital?

  15. “They don’t have cable here,
    “They don’t have cable here, did Rick and Marty find the treasure on Oak Island yet?”

  16. “That’s the last time I talk
    “That’s the last time I talk politics and do teguila-shooters with your mother!”

  17. “Do I have a case? The beauty
    “Do I have a case? The beauty salon used Gorilla tape and a floor-sander for some stubborn areas during my full-body waxing?”

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).