Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 159

Contest No. 159 starts right now (a little early because of the pandemic).

Briefly, here are the details: Usually, I supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. For this contest only, I’m supplying a new drawing. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment” on the bottom of this posting. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. You will also be asked to verify that you are a human being and not a robot — please follow the instructions in the “Captcha” box. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. Also, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, April 21, 2020 (it’s a little more than a week, for this contest only). After that, the winner will be announced and the winning caption will be posted. I will be the sole judge and the winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted. Again, for this special contest only, I am not supplying an old cartoon of mine, so I do not have any original caption to reveal.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.

Wait . . . is that really a coronavirus on a psychiatrist’s couch? Yes, it is. Why it’s there is for you to figure out. Is the virus feeling a little paranoiac, like “the whole world seems to be trying to avoid me”? Has it been complaining because “social distancing seems very anti-social to me”? Or is it simply confused, like “what’s with all the masks and gloves, anyway”? You’re the psychiatrist in this case and I can’t wait to see what you have to say to your patient. Let it all out! Maybe a little humor can help beat this monstrosity.


  1. “Tell me, what gives you this
    “Tell me, what gives you this strange idea that nobody likes you?”

  2. “I’m sure people aren’t
    “I’m sure people aren’t really avoiding you. Let’s look at why you feel this way.”

  3. “So, you’re afraid of going
    “So, you’re afraid of going to hospitals because you always feel like the doctors are trying to kill you? Intriguing…”

  4. So even though Trump referred
    So even though Trump referred to your influence as “genius,” you still feel like you suffer from Imposter Syndrome?

  5. “So Mr. Smith, How long have
    “So Mr. Smith, How long have you been having these apocalyptic visions of yourself?”

  6. “Have you tried NOT killing
    “Have you tried NOT killing people?”

    “Maybe you could try just dating ONE person at a time, not a million?”

    “Talk to me about your genome.”

    “What are you lashing out against?”

  7. Yes, I’m sure the president
    Yes, I’m sure the president is very, very sorry he made fun of you on Twitter.

  8. “Ahh… So the ‘pink’ was by
    “Ahh … so the ‘pink’ was by choice …
    because you feel bullied and shunned!”

  9. “May I suggest… ‘an
    “May I suggest … ‘an indefinite vacation’
    in ‘total seclusion?'”

  10. I am sorry Mr Coronavirus
    I’m sorry Mr. Coronavirus that people don’t like you, feel sick around you and want you to leave. Don’t take this personally, but this too shall pass.

  11. “You want me to cure your
    “You want me to cure your grief, anxiety, and depression? How about you first stop giving that to everyone else in the world!”

  12. “I’m sure somebody must loves
    “I’m sure somebody must love you . . . no wait, probably not!”

  13. “So how long have you been
    “So how long have you been having these dreams of being a pandemic?”

  14. “So… You draw the line…
    “So … you draw the line
    at being blamed for the ‘toilet paper’ shortage!”

  15. I’m not sure if its you, but
    I’m not sure if its you, but I’m starting to see colours before my eyes!

  16. You might want to ease up as
    You might want to ease up as the common cold is starting to feel really inadequate.

  17. “Did my secretary happen to
    “Did my secretary happen to mention, before her hasty
    departure . . . that we use ‘ultra violet lighting’ in the

  18. “Start at the beginning… It
    “Start at the beginning . . . it appears we’re destined
    to spend the next fourteen days together!”

  19. “Whoa, that’s the most
    “Whoa, that’s the most intense breakout of acne I’ve ever seen!”

  20. “I told you two weeks ago you
    “I told you two weeks ago you were an A-typical case, what’s changed?”

  21. “You’ve missed two months of
    “You’ve missed two months of appointments, where in the world have you been?”

  22. “What is it about you’re life
    “What is it about your life-style that makes you think you’re paranoid?”

  23. “At this point, I’m not sure
    “At this point, I’m not sure if masking your true identity will help!”

  24. “Were just don’t know if your
    “Were just don’t know if your test will come back, with a false-positive, A-typically speaking, in a negative way!”

  25. “Did you use the
    “Did you use the complimentary hand sanitizer in the waiting room on your spores!”

  26. “Well, there’s one thing you
    “Well, there’s one thing you prove to me: Disneyland was right…’It’s a small world after all.'”

  27. So, you say, everywhere you
    So, you say, everywhere you go, people run into their houses, lock the door, and won’t come out anymore?

  28. “So don’t have to have
    “So don’t have to have anxiety…you can’t give it to yourself.”

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).