Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 156

Contest No. 156 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. You will also be asked to verify that you are a human being and not a robot. Please follow the instructions in the “Captcha” box. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. Also, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, February 4, 2020.   

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.


  1. “All this is very impressive,
    “All this is very impressive, Mr. Shakespeare, but I don’t see anything on here about writing instruction manuals.”

  2. “Well, William the answer is
    “Well, William, the answer is not to be and further your facial hair is in violation of the Acme Razor hygiene code!”

  3. “Impressive… loyal… a
    “Impressive… loyal… a team player… and years experience
    with handling ‘sharps’!”

  4. We had trouble reaching this
    We had trouble reaching this “Mr. Yorick” for a reference.

    To hire or not to hire, that is the question.

    We got a very similar resume last week. Does the name Christopher Marlowe ring a bell?

    I have to admit, this is the first resume we’ve gotten that’s written in iambic pentameter.

  5. “Actually, ‘To be or not to
    “Actually, ‘To be or not to be’ is not the question. I just want to know the name of your last employment.”

  6. “Though this be madness, yet
    “Though this be madness, yet there is method in’t. You’re hired!”

  7. So,Sir Walter have you done
    So, Sir Walter, have you done anything else besides Potato and Tobacco Smuggling.

  8. “Sorry, Mr. Shakespeare…
    “Sorry, Mr. Shakespeare… your slogan …
    ‘To pee, or not to pee,’ is not suitable
    for our adult diaper campaign.”

  9. “I see you’ve won the gold
    “I see you’ve won the gold medal in both the Iambic Pentameter and Diderot competitions. Very impressive but, personally, I don’t know what either of them mean.”

  10. “Hey Shakesman, I think your
    “Hey Shakesman, I think your lyrics with a few obscenities thrown in here and there will take us to the next great level of rap!”

  11. “Your co-workers just don’t
    “Your co-workers just don’t think you’re fitting in the spirit of Casual Fridays.”

  12. “We’re gonna have to let you
    “We’re gonna have to let you go. Frankly, your work output was much ado about nothing!”

  13. “Says here, you had an
    “Says here, you had an incident of taming of a shrew. Sorry, we have a zero tolerance policy about domestic abuse.”

  14. “Now, William… regarding
    “Now, William… regarding the hair and dress
    requirements… I think you doth protest too much!”

  15. “William… I’m quite
    “William… I’m quite impressed with your idea…
    to re-name the children’s bite-size, lunchables…

  16. “Yes…I like it! Get the
    “Yes…I like it! Get the ‘Venetian Effect,’ when
    ‘the light through yonder window, breaks!'”

  17. Your resume is pretty good.
    Your resume is pretty good. But please remember, that here at Goldstein and Goldstein, All that glitters is not gold. You’ll be starting in the mail room.

  18. I don’t think you will be a
    I don’t think you will be a good fit here in the IKEA manual writing department.

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).