Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 151

Contest No. 151 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. You will also be asked to verify that you are a human being and not a robot. Please follow the instructions in the “Captcha” box. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. Also, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, September 17, 2019.   

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.


  1. “The good news is your heart
    “The good news is your heart is like a 23 year old, but the bad news is you will probably out live your retirement money!”

  2. “The Good News is … I can’t
    “The Good News is … I can’t find anything wrong with you …
    The Bad News is … I am a VETERINARIAN! You’re looking for
    the CLINIC across the street.”

  3. “You sir, have the body of a
    “You sir, have the body of a ‘FIFTY’ year old …
    A shame, you’re only ‘TWENTY-NINE’!”

  4. Mr. Smith, I have good and
    Mr. Smith, I have good and bad news to tell you. The bad news is that you look lousy, the good news is there is nothing wrong with you.

  5. “It’s a dual procedure: I’m
    “It’s a dual procedure: I’m going to drain the fluid from your ears while also draining your checking account.”

  6. “Yes, Mr. Lawrence, I’m a
    “Yes, Mr. Lawrence, I’m a PROCTOLOGIST … but, I
    recommend that you see a PSYCHOLOGIST … for your

  7. Now, to avoid any repetition
    Now, to avoid any repetition of this unpleasantness
    in the future … Please repeat this adage, after me …
    ‘Suppositories Are NOT To Be Swallowed!”

  8. “No need for alarm, Mr. Davis
    “No need for alarm, Mr. Davis … You had a little
    fainting spell, when you received your wife’s Medical
    Bill … Then, we performed a WALLETectomy!”

  9. So, what is it about your
    So, what is it about your 80th birthday that makes you think you’re supposed to be a woman?

  10. “‘REMEMBER ME,’ Mr. Astles ..
    “‘REMEMBER ME,’ Mr. Astles … Biology 101 – Class of 2000…
    You said I’d never amount to anything!!”

  11. I told you that you had six
    I told you that you had six months to live….you said “but Doc, how will I pay your bill?..”. So, I’ll give you another six months!!!!

  12. “…there’s no need to cut
    “…there’s no need to cut that thing off…pretty soon it will fall off all by itself!!!!”

  13. “I appreciate the enthusiasm,
    “I appreciate the enthusiasm, but since I’m your dentist, you can leave the shirt on.”

  14. “Let me put it this way , I
    “Let me put it this way , I can put you on a six-month payment plan, but you’ll have to pay in full in thirty days!”

  15. “When I snap my fingers, you
    “When I snap my fingers, you will awaken …
    With a Mindfulness, that FRIES are Not your FRIENDS!”

  16. “So … you say you’ve NEVER
    “So … you say you’ve NEVER experienced
    Any symptoms of NARCOLEPSY, Mr. Porter?”

  17. “My diagnosis is hypochondria
    “My diagnosis is hypochondria. But you’ll feel better soon. I’m prescribing placebos.”

  18. “Mr. Anderson, You know you
    “Mr. Anderson, You know you’re coming in far too often…
    When you acquire a Nasty Burn on your scalp, like that…
    From my overhead examining light!”

  19. If you could just flip that
    If you could just flip that switch to turn on the giant shower, it should wash away all your ailments.

  20. To my amusement … I
    To my amusement … I discovered that this cartoon picture was a bit of an OPTICAL ILLUSION for ME! I had entered a few captions, before noticing that the patient’s EYES were CLOSED – or so I thought. I then added the Hypnotism and Narcolepsy captions, in keeping with the closed eyes. (I wondered why no one else took the closed eyes into account.) Now, I know why! With my Large screen on … I see that the eyes were OPEN!! It is funny, though, (if you look at the cartoon) … I took the top, curved line for the eyebrow – the eyeball dot … for the bridge of the nose – And, the curved, bottom line of the eye … resembled a closed eye. Can you see it… or is it just me?

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).