Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 148

Contest No. 148 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. You will also be asked to verify that you are a human being and not a robot. Please follow the instructions in the “Captcha” box. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. Also, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, June 25, 2019.   

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.


  1. The guard said I am so well
    The guard said I am so well behaved on Office Fridays that he’ll let me dress up as the manager next week.

  2. …and then I told the judge
    …and then I told the judge I was the guy who came up with “Lock her up!”.

  3. “Well Doc, It all began, when
    “Well Doc, it all began, when Maw took that Beer, while I
    was in Utero!”

  4. “Talk about your ‘Small World
    “Talk about your ‘Small World’, you worked for Trump, too?”

  5. “I know, you’re not Going
    “I know, you’re not Going Anywhere, but …
    would you love me, if I DIDN’T have these
    Hair Extensions?”

  6. “Dad, I tried to tell you…
    “Dad, I tried to tell you … you can’t just take the Mercedes
    for a ‘TEST DRIVE’, without running it by the Salesman, FIRST!”

  7. “So, do you think it is too
    “So, do you think it is too late to enter the Democratic primary?”

  8. Oh, it’s just bank fraud, a
    Oh, it’s just bank fraud, a few hundred million. It paid for my lawyers. I’ll be out any day now.

  9. I told the judge I was taking
    I told the judge I was taking the fifth. Then I picked it up and made a run for it.

  10. Yeah, I use my tunnel every
    Yeah, I use my tunnel every night. But this place is cheaper than a motel.

  11. “I had to choose …
    “I had to choose …
    ‘3 to 5,’ OR,
    MARRIED for ‘LIFE’!”

    “I had to choose …
    ‘3 to 5’… OR
    MARRIED for ‘LIFE’!”

  12. It seems like I’ve been in
    It seems like I’ve been in here forever! Are OJ and Cosby working on anything new?

  13. I can’t wait to get out of
    I can’t wait to get out of here next week. I really need to update my Myspace page!

  14. I’m in for contempt of court.
    I’m in for contempt of court. I told the judge she looked fat in that robe.

  15. “Every Monday we have
    “Every Monday we have conjugal visits. A come comes in with a long list of verbs to conjugate.”

  16. “I tell you, they treat us
    “I tell you, they treat us inhumane here. Last night they forgot to put a mint on my pillow!”

  17. “3 To 5′ … Or, ‘Married For
    “3 To 5′ … Or, ‘Married For Life’ …
    You do the Math!”

  18. “All I said, was – ‘Open this
    “All I said, was – ‘Open this door and let me in … or else!’ to my
    Grade 2 student, and here I am … for threatening a minor!”

  19. “You didn’t do it? That’s
    “You didn’t do it? That’s what everybody says here. But I admit I said, ‘I’ll kill the next man who tells me he didn’t do it.”

  20. “Don’t worry, my wife’s
    “Don’t worry, my wife’s sending me a cake with a file in it. We’ll have the nicest looking nails in the joint.”

  21. “Mondays are great because we
    “Mondays are great because we have conjugal visits. A guy comes with a long list of verbs to conjugate.”

  22. “It’s mostly non-violent here
    “It’s mostly non-violent here, except for occasional pillow fights.”

  23. “It’s not that bad. The last
    “It’s not that bad. The last time, the cartoonist drew me stranded on a small island.”

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).