Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 144

Contest No. 144 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. Also, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, March 5, 2019.   

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.


  1. I don’t care what the rhyme
    I don’t care what the rhyme says. Get your horses and your men and put it together again!

  2. “I’m afraid you misunderstand
    “I’m afraid you misunderstand. When we say, we are seeking
    Royal applicants … we are talking TOILET TISSUE ADS!”

  3. “I’m not disputing your ROYAL
    “I’m not disputing your ROYAL qualifications … but,
    BURGER KING is a restaurant!”

  4. “De-throned … AFTER
    “De-throned … AFTER DIVORCING the Queen, for a twenty-year old
    Royal groupie? YES … you are, REALITY STAR material!”

  5. “You would have made an
    “You would have made an excellent spokes-person for
    MAJESTIC TOURS, but … I’m afraid Queen Latifah
    beat you to the punch!”

  6. “Yes, your years of
    “Yes, your years of experience in the COUNTING HOUSE, should
    count for something, your Majesty… but, I’m afraid, the
    banks are all going digital!”

  7. “Hmmm, we make meat patties
    “Hmmm, we make meat patties and you’re royalty. Our new name is on the tip of my tongue.”

  8. I’m sorry . . when we said
    I’m sorry . . when we said ‘fit for a king’, it was just a figure of speech.

  9. I’m sorry, daily banquets are
    I’m sorry, daily banquets are out of the question . . . you’ll have to budget your expenses like everyone else.

  10. “I’m afraid there was a typo
    “I’m afraid there was a typo in the job posting. It should have read ‘Loyalty is important to us’.”

  11. “So, the Queen doesn’t want
    “So, the Queen doesn’t want you underfoot all day,
    when you pass down your title?”

  12. “For qualifications … I see
    “For qualifications … I see waving and giving orders.
    Sorry, but that job is already filled … by my wife!”

  13. “Now, regarding the Jeweller
    “Now, regarding the Jeweller position … you say,
    you have the MIDAS TOUCH?”

  14. “What exactly are your
    “What exactly are your qualifications”
    “I could have you executed”
    “Your hired!”

  15. “Jim we fired you a week ago,
    “Jim we fired you a week ago, costumes aren’t going to make us think you’re someone else.”

  16. “Sorry, but I don’t think you
    “Sorry, but I don’t think you would like working among ‘peasants’ as you say”

  17. “I believe your management
    “I believe your management style will work well with the serfs in our fulfillment center. You’ve got the job!”

  18. “Your majesty, you need to
    “Your majesty, you need to stop telling the interns that you’ll send them to the dungeon if they mess up your coffee order.”

  19. “Sir, I’m afraid we’re going
    “Sir, I’m afraid we’re going to have to report you to psychiatry. Your cubicle is not a castle.”

  20. “We would really appreciate
    “We would really appreciate it if you stopped referring to the janitorial staff as peasants.”

  21. “I love mutton as much as the
    “I love mutton as much as the next guy, but don’t you think chips or pretzels would be more appropriate for an office party?”

  22. “You can receive your
    “You can receive your paycheck in whatever currency you would like, but I don’t know the dollar to gold conversion.”

  23. “It’s not that I’m against
    “It’s not that I’m against bribes, but could you offer money instead of your daughter’s hand in marriage?”

  24. “We can’t offer a pipe or
    “We can’t offer a pipe or bowl or your fiddlers three, but we do have yoga classes on Thursdays.”

  25. “To be quite frank, your lack
    “To be quite frank, your lack of actual work experience would make you a most unlikely candidate for the job.”

  26. “I know we said to dress for
    “I know we said to dress for the job you want, but this isn’t exactly what we had in mind.”

  27. “I don’t care if you can make
    “I don’t care if you can make me a knight, you need your certification papers.”

  28. “I know it happens to be
    “I know it happens to be Halloween, but dressing up as a king for an interview is overdone.”

  29. “I think there’s a
    “I think there’s a misunderstanding, Your Highness. Our publishing company pays *royalties* , not royalty.”

  30. “Boss, the time travel
    “Boss, the time travel machine works! I think we should go back in time and rob the royalty again.”

  31. I’m sorry, but the job of
    I’m sorry, but the job of King of America has already been filled, by Donald Trump.

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).