Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 142

Contest No. 142 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. Also, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, January 8, 2019. Happy New Year to all!  

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.


  1. “Yes, your stature would be a
    “Yes, your stature would be a definite plus … for testing out doggie doors!”

  2. “We were actually looking for
    “We were actually looking for a more mature candidate to
    test our new freckle cream.”

  3. Yes, we do hand out lollipops
    Yes, we do hand out lollipops to employees who get through the whole day without crying.

  4. “I am sure, you can bounce
    “I am sure you can bounce the ball extremely high … but, that’s not the kind of Bouncer we’re looking for.”

  5. “I’m sure your skills playing
    “I’m sure your skills playing Minecraft will transfer over nicely.”

  6. “Your Sesame Street accolades
    “Your Sesame Street accolades are commendable. It’s between
    you, and a graduate of Mr. Rogers Institute. We’ll be in touch.”

  7. Ethics and Personal Integrity
    Ethics and Personal Integrity? . . . Yes, they probably still have a place, too . . . Why?

  8. “Entry level positions, begin
    “Entry level positions begin at minimum wage …
    however, you get all the ice cream, you can eat!”

  9. Yes, I make enough money to
    Yes, I make enough money to buy my own lunch, and sometimes with ice cream, too.

  10. “I take it, you’ve seen our
    “I take it you’ve seen our ad …

  11. “I’m afraid, you are NOT the
    “I’m afraid, you are NOT the CEO we are looking for …
    Charles Edward O’Reily!”

  12. I’m sorry Tim, but we at the
    I’m sorry Tim, but we at the Daily Bugle no longer need people in distribution. Stay in school and learn all about live streaming, whatever that is!

  13. You would be perfect for this
    You would be perfect for this job, but you do not meet the
    height requirement.

  14. So, your main responsibility
    So, your main responsibility will be to hack into my competitors’ accounts.

  15. “I’m sorry … you are under
    “I’m sorry … you are under-qualified! Knowledge of ALL of Santa’s reindeer names is a MUST, for the Elf position.”

  16. “No chum … we cannot offer
    “No chum … we cannot offer your mom a job, so she will
    get off your back, for Summer holidays.”

  17. “May I suggest, next time you
    “May I suggest, next time you submit a resume, don’t write it in crayon.”

  18. “If they ever invent
    “If they ever invent ARTIFICIAL TURF that requires
    MOWING … you’ll be the first guy we call!”

  19. “Sorry, young man … It’s a
    “Sorry, young man . . . it’s a digital, dog-eat-dog, world!
    Papers and Paper Carriers are now passe!”

  20. “Its a youth oriented market
    “It’s a youth oriented market … so, you’ll be glad to know
    that you’re hired … even if you are a bit LONG IN THE

  21. ” ‘Where do I see myself in 5
    ” ‘Where do I see myself in 5 years?’… surely with continued growth in my vast skill-set; including conflict-resolution, I will have SUCCEEDED in gaining permission from my parents to play Fortnite…”

  22. Your main role will be to get
    Your main role will be to get me up to speed. After you teach me how to snapchat, I’ll need a lesson on memes.

  23. Yes, you will be paid through
    Yes, you will be paid through direct deposit. And I will email you the information on retirement planning.

  24. “Your timing is perfect. We
    “Your timing is perfect. We just opened up a junior executive position.”

  25. No, I’m afraid picking up
    No, I’m afraid picking up your own toys doesn’t count as work experience.

  26. Yes, your mom does work here,
    Yes, your mom does work here, but no, I can’t fire her for making you clean your room.

  27. I appreciate your creativity
    I appreciate your creativity in trying to stop the government shutdown…but I don’t know if a wall made out of Legos will do the trick.

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).