Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 134

Contest No. 134 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. Also, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest. This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you may enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, May 29, 2018.  

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions. 


  1. And one final note, Smithers,
    And one final note, Smithers, We’ve decided to replace your pension with “The Fruit of the Month plan”!

  2. I can tell by looking at you,
    I can tell by looking at you, that the job for
    personal trainer is out.

  3. “Anderson, I think it’s time
    “Anderson, I think it’s time to admit that our attempt to become a paperless office has failed.”

  4. “I can deal with suspenders
    “I can deal with suspenders and bow ties, just not at the same time. I’m letting you go.”

  5. “Five years experience …
    “Five years experience…prison warden. Black belt — Karate. Middle-weight wrestling champ! Welcome aboard, Mr. Anderson — welcome to Ellis Elementary All-Girl School!”

  6. “Only, “Staff,” members can
    “Only ‘Staff’ members can RESIGN from ‘The Home’, Mr. Barnes.”

  7. It says right here in the
    It says right here in the company rules and regs, “no suspenders”.

  8. “Excellent sales record, Mr.
    “Excellent sales record, Mr. Martin, but I don’t think that you’re quite the right fit here, at “Belt Boutique!”

  9. “Let’s have the meeting for
    “Let’s have the meeting for meetings sake at 10 and the 2 hour lunch at 1.”

  10. “I’ve been told by management
    “I’ve been told by management it’s bow tie OR suspenders, never both.”

  11. “Welcome to your first post
    “Welcome to your first post-retirement job you never thought you’d need to have.”

  12. “I don’t care, if you are
    “I don’t care if you are Karen’s nephew – – a knitting needle assault in aisle 7, at W-Mart, is not ‘cutting edge’ journalism.”

  13. “I’m denying your request to
    “I’m denying your request to be able to take off your suspenders on Casual Fridays.”

  14. “Keep up the good work,
    “Keep up the good work, Jarvis, and maybe after another twenty five years I’ll promote you from the mail room.”

  15. “Perhaps it was a bit harsh
    “Perhaps it was a bit harsh to steal your CEO position and cut your salary by 80%, but get back to your desk, dad.”

  16. “Your reports are excellent
    “Your reports are excellent but in the future, try not writing them with a quill.”

  17. “Dad, I’ve been telling you
    “Dad, I’ve been telling you for years…we don’t need to purchase buggy whips anymore.”

  18. “Your just the man we were
    “You’re just the man we were looking for fifty years ago.”

  19. “Jonhson, hand in your key to
    “Jonhson, hand in your key to the executive bathroom. You’ve been clogging up the toilet with your adult diapers.”

  20. “Honestly, I find it a little
    “Honestly, I find it a little hard to believe you’ve been sexually harassed by five of our secretaries.”

  21. “What’s this purchase order
    “What’s this purchase order about for ten cases of Depend.?”

  22. These are nice photos, but I
    These are nice photos, but I don’t think you qualify for centerfold in the company calendar.

  23. “Office-party blackmail, you
    “Office-party blackmail, you say? I will definitely, never look at ‘suspenders’ the same way again!”

  24. We decided to suspend your
    We decided to suspend your suspension due to the extreme suspensive effect it would have on your suspended animation!!!

  25. “Have you got any more Hang
    “Have you got any more Hang-Ups beside your trousers?”

  26. Human Resources reports you
    Human Resources reports you’ve been late for work four days this week, Smedley, and it’s only Tuesday!

  27. Why yes Johnson, I agree, a
    Why yes, Johnson, I agree, a belt would make you look ten years younger!

  28. “Well Rex, it’s just that
    “Well Rex, it’s just that some of the employees say you
    look like you have a TV dinner shoved down the front of your pants when you wear those suspenders so tight!

  29. Congratulations Lance, Best
    Congratulations, Lance, Best-Buy management thinks you’re just the man to head up the ‘Geek Squad’!

  30. I’m sorry, but we here at
    I’m sorry, but we here at Match-Makers.com would like to offer you a full refund!

  31. “Before another day of
    “Before another day of unethical and possibly illegal business practices, let’s start with an everything bagel with a little schmear.”

  32. “That’s a great idea Johnson,
    “That’s a great idea Johnson, I’m glad I came up with it.”

  33. It says here on your resume
    It says here on your resume “Computers”. Does that mean you know how to use them, or that you invented them?

  34. “Harry, you’ve been stuck in
    “Harry, you’ve been stuck in the mail room for thirty years. Have you tried reading “Dress For Success?”

  35. Major typo, patrick! You
    Major typo, Patrick! You requested “M”aternity leave – – instead of “P”aternity leave. Oh, my apologies – – it’s Patrice, now, is it?”

  36. “Uncle Harry, I’m reviewing
    “Uncle Harry, I’m reviewing your demands – – as acting Union Leader. Really? Pizza and beer!”

  37. “Sorry, Mr. Vezeau – Consider
    “Sorry, Mr. Vezeau – – consider the black mark, stricken!
    It never occurred to me – – “a problem with SPATS,” in your department – – referred to your missing shoes!”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).