Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 127

Contest No. 127 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. Also, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest.  This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, December 12, 2017.  

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.


  1. When the boss said heads must
    When the boss said heads must roll on this one…we’re taking him literally!

  2. Congratulations,Burns you`ve
    Congratulations, Burns, you`ve got the lead part in the remake of Blade Runner.

  3. Come along Jones and I`ll
    Come along, Jones, and I`ll introduce you to our new welfare manager, Gill O`teen.

  4. I was brought up in a
    I was brought up in a household that valued time-efficiency over all other things. This is where we gave each other haircuts!

  5. “You know Bill, it is quite
    “You know Bill, it is quite unusual for a young associate to be named new product tester and a true honor indeed.”

  6. We have a proven method of
    We have a proven method of reducing our staff, and saving money from company payouts.

  7. “I found it on a late night
    “I found it on a late night infomercial…It slices, it dices, makes Julienne Fries, and…Well, I just couldn’t resist it!”

  8. “When the executive board put
    “When the executive board put my company on the chopping block, I decided to get sweet revenge.”

  9. “Welcome back home, son. We
    “Welcome back home, son. We haven’t changed a thing in your room since you left for college.”

  10. “Don’t be concerned,it’s an
    “Don’t be concerned, it’s an old blade, it never hurt anyone seriously.”

  11. “I used to have a head of
    “I used to have a head of hair like you too, but I’ve got the hang of it now!”

  12. “For your last Deli School
    “For your last Deli School final exam test, I’d like a half-pound of corned beef, sliced thin!”

  13. “Absolutely, our first weight
    “Absolutely, our first weight loss treatment guarantees you’ll lose at least eight pounds, or your money back!”

  14. Thanks for your caption, Alex

    Thanks for your caption, Alex, but it arrived after the Tuesday midnight deadline, so it couldn’t be considered. I hope you try again in the future, and please observe the deadlines.


  15. All you have to do is go
    All you have to do is go around the square figure, kneel down, and look in the basket to see the magic happen.

  16. Funny caption, Stephanie, but

    Funny caption, Stephanie, but each Caption Contest runs for one week only, so your submission is more than a year too late to be considered. The same goes for the other 3 captions you sent for other past contests, which I’m not going to post. Thanks, and I hope you’ll be submitting captions for the Contests in the one-week allotted time frame.

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).