Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 126

Contest No. 126 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. Also, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest.  This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous, gut-instinct caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing, but I will only post and consider the first 15 captions from any contestant. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, November 14, 2017.  

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.


  1. I see a long life line…and
    I see a long life line…and more than one love line… and twenty bucks in my future!

  2. “It’s really not a gift, I
    “It’s really not a gift, I have the internet ‘People-search’ app!”

  3. “You’re about to meet a
    “You’re about to meet a stranger and give her money for telling you stuff anyone can figure out”! “The spirts have spoken!”

  4. “I must be having a ‘senior
    “I must be having a ‘senior-gypsy’ moment, I’m not getting a thing!”

  5. “I forgot to switch to day
    “I forgot to switch to day-light saving time, so all my predictions are off!”

  6. “I used to be a financial
    “I used to be a financial adviser on Wall Street, this is about the same, only easier!”

  7. “Let me put it this way, ever
    “Let me put it this way, ever since Trump won, ‘woman’s intuition’ is making a comeback, big-time!”

  8. “Believe it or not, but I was
    “Believe it or not, but I was one of Hilary’s top advisors, until last November!”

  9. “I can’t read anything. When
    “I can’t read anything. When was the last time you used a hand sanitizer?”

  10. “You really should switch to
    “You really should switch to M&Ms…They melt in your mouth, not in your hands.”

  11. “I sense your husband is a
    “I sense your husband is a real bloodsucker…No wait, that’s just a mosquito bite you have there.”

  12. “A real smooth character
    “A real smooth character named Jergen will be coming into your life. Yes, Jergen Lotion.”

  13. “Of course I’m for real..
    “Of course I’m for real…which is more than I can say for your nails.”

  14. I`ve been doing this for
    I`ve been doing this for years and you have the softest hands I`ve ever felt. Tell me your secret… No, wait. Let me guess!

  15. “Your future doesn’t look
    “Your future doesn’t look bright. I suggest you pay your overdue electric bill.”

  16. “How short is your life line?
    “How short is your life line? Let’s just say, you have to pay in advance!”

  17. “Life line…good. Heart line
    “Life line…good. Heart line…great. Landline…crummy! Time to get a cell phone.”

  18. I see through your hands that
    I see through your hands that you have a good checking account. You should be a good sharer.

  19. “I see the patter of little
    “I see the patter of little feet in your near future. I suggest you stock up on mouse traps.”

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).