Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 117

Contest No. 117 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”.

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. Also, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest.  This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else’s similar spontaneous caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, May 2, 2017.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.


  1. My teacher thinks I am a
    My teacher thinks I am a dreamer, because I close my eyes and rest my head on the desk.

  2. It`s a bad one dad,you`d
    It`s a bad one dad,you`d better buck up or they`ll kick you out of school.

  3. I’m sorry for the terrible
    I’m sorry for the terrible report card. But you both told me to get a job in the coal- mine.

  4. “The only upside I can see is
    “The only upside I can see is, they won’t let me come back till you sign it!”

  5. “How do you think I feel”! “I
    “How do you think I feel? I may have to drop-out and live here for free until I’m 30!”

  6. “Not to worry Ma, if this
    “Not to worry Ma, if this school thing don’t work out, I’m thinking of becoming a cartoon caption writer!”

  7. “I think it’s the thought of
    “I think it’s the thought of paying off future student
    loans, that’s holding me back!”

  8. “NO, I haven’t read it”! “If
    “NO, I haven’t read it! If I could read we wouldn’t be
    having this conversation!”

  9. “I know, “A mind… is a
    “I know, ‘A mind… is a terrible thing to waste’! But no
    allowance is more terriblerest!”

  10. “It’s a new school policy…
    “It’s a new school policy…’F’ stands for ‘Fantastic.'”

  11. “Hey, I’m not the only one
    “Hey, I’m not the only one who had a miserable first one hundred days.”

  12. “OK, so my marks aren’t so
    “OK, so my marks aren’t so great…but I did get a date with my teacher next Friday night.”

  13. “Don’t believe everything you
    “Don’t believe everything you read…it’s just like Wikileaks.”

  14. “Hey, they’re all ‘F’s, and
    “Hey, they’re all ‘F’s, and you told me consistency is a virtue.”

  15. “I promise my next report
    “I promise my next report will be great…I saving up my allowances to bribe the teacher.

  16. “It’s not like the old days.
    “It’s not like the old days..I can still be president one day.”

  17. “They’re really not bad
    “They’re really not bad grades for someone who’s only aspiration is to flip burgers at McDonald.”

  18. “Look a little closer. That’s
    “Look a little closer. That’s actually your old report card I dug out of the attic.”

  19. “It’s just wrong. Didn’t you
    “It’s just wrong. Didn’t you teach me, ‘If you have nothing good to say, don’t say it.”

  20. Hey, at least they told me
    Hey, at least they told me they are sending it to the Guinness World Records people, for managing to get less that zero in everything!

  21. Look at those terrible grades
    Look at those terrible grades. You two should be ashamed of yourselves for sending me to school so ill-prepared.

  22. I’m not sure why I got this
    I’m not sure why I got this kids report card, but I’ll bet you his parents are crying right now!

  23. My teacher would like to know
    My teacher would like to know what you people are doing wrong.

  24. “Perhaps it would be best if
    “Perhaps it would be best if you check out the weather report.”

  25. “What are you so surprised
    “What are you so surprised about?…You’re home schooling me!”

  26. “It’s no big deal…I’m
    “It’s no big deal…I’m planning on getting a college scholarship for playing the bassoon.”

  27. “I’m sorry if I’m
    “I’m sorry if I’m disappointing you, mom. I’m just trying to be like dad.”

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).