Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 110

Contest No. 110 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission.

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, December 6, 2016.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.


  1. 1. “All I want for Christmas
    1. “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth…Oh yeah, and a Lamborghini.”

    2. “Mom thinks I’m strange because all I want for Christmas is a necktie.”

    3. “You get me a real pony and I won’t tell anyone I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus.”

    4. “Santa’s been hitting the spiked eggnog again, hasn’t he?”

    5. “No really, I haven’t been naughty all year…until I just wet my pants on your lap.”

  2. All I want for Christmas is
    All I want for Christmas is to marry Donald Trump’s granddaughter, so I wouldn’t have to ask you for anything again.

  3. 1. “Commercialization of
    1. “Commercialization of Christmas is getting out of hand. Now it’s three bucks to sit on your knee!”

    2. “How do you keep your beard so white after going down so many chimneys?”

    3. “No elves, no reindeer, no toys…Noel!

  4. 1. “Santa, how come your nose
    1. “Santa, how come your nose is red like Rudolph?

    2. “You need to diet. I saw you in the Macy’s parade and I thought you were one of the balloons.”

    3. “If you’re the real Santa than I must be the Tooth Fairy.”

  5. 1. “It’s 2016, you gotta
    1. “It’s 2016, you gotta modernize. Chuck the sled and use drones.”

    2. ” I guess I wouldn’t be jolly either if I had to sit in a hot suit all day for minimum wage.”

    3. “If you want to make your deliveries faster, chuck the sled and use ‘Amazon Prime.'”

    4. “I miss the elves ever since Trump kicked them out for being illegal aliens.”

    5. “None of your toys last very long since you started outsourcing them to China.”

  6. “What do you mean you’re
    “What do you mean you’re gonna start charging for shipping and handling?!”

  7. I’m guessing the Red Ryder BB
    I’m guessing the Red Ryder BB gun would be socio-politically incorrect this year?

  8. 1. “Didn’t you get arrested
    1. “Didn’t you get arrested last year for ‘breaking and entering?'”

    2. “You’re not as much in demand since they came up with ‘Black Friday’.”

  9. “My mommy said you’re the
    “My mommy said you’re the personification of American capitalism and greed in modern society. I say I want a PS4 and Samsung VR gear.”

  10. “Just a heads up, see the
    “Just a heads up, see the girl behind me? I overheard her list so this is gonna take a while.”

  11. 1. “I know you’re a fake
    1. “I know you’re a fake Santa, but if you slip me a hundred dollar bill, I won’t pass it on.”

    2. “Don’t worry about me being naughty, it’s YOU I found drinking Wild Turkey behind the Christmas tree.”

    3. “If they’ve deported all the elves, whose making the toys?”


  12. “Can you help me get rid of
    “Can you help me get rid of these visions of sugarplums dancing in my head?”

  13. “Since you’re not Jewish, why
    “Since you’re not Jewish, why did you name your last reindeer Blintzes.”

  14. “Remember, there’s an ‘i’ in
    “Remember, there’s an ‘i’ in Christmas…as in iPhone or iPad.”

  15. 1.”No one needs you anymore,
    1.”No one needs you anymore, Santa. We’ve got Black Friday.”

    2. “You don’t seem as jolly this year. It’s the Trump nomination, isn’t it?

    3. “Other than cutting to the front of the line, I’ve haven’t been too naughty this year.”

    4. “After eating too much candy cane and stale fruitcake last year, all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.”

    5. “I definitely don’t need any more caption ideas. I’ve obviously got too many, already.” (At least I admit it!)

  16. Give me all the toys in your
    Give me all the toys in your bag. I’ve got a gun in my diaper and I’m not afraid to use it.

  17. 1. “Why do you always ask me
    1. “Why do you always ask me what I want for Christmas? Didn’t anyone ever teach you it’s better to give than receive?”

    2. “Ho, Ho, Ho?…Where?

    3. “What do I want?…Let’s just say I’ll leave the garage door open for you.”

    4. “You must have a load of them. How about giving me some of your Frequent Flyer Mileage.”

    5. “Can you see Russia from your kitchen window like Sarah Palin?

  18. “Out of work actor, huh?”
    “Out of work actor, huh?”

    2. “Man, you’re going to have your hands full with all of those recalled Samsung phones you delivered last year.”

    3. “Forget about us, what are you going to do for all those kids that are now making your toys in China?”

    4. “I think it’s time to chuck the red suit. Face it, they’re never going to hire you as a Rockette.”

    5. “I peaked in your bag. It looks like you cleaned out half of the store’s electronics department.”

  19. It’s a good thing you are
    It’s a good thing you are wearing that red suit, otherwise I would have mistaken you for the Michelin Man.

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).