Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 99

Contest No. 99 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission.

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions for this contest is midnight Tuesday, April 12, 2016.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your caption. This is another very old drawing of mine. The address rubber-stamped on the back is that of the Brooklyn tenement apartment where I lived with my parents until the early 1950’s. And I see that it was finished with a brush, so it was before I switched to Rapidograph-type pens.


  1. “And now a Barney favorite…
    “And now a Barney favorite…’I love you, you love me,
    we’re a happy family.'”

  2. Your lawyer asked me to sing
    Your lawyer asked me to sing you a cheerful tune entitled, “Enjoy your free time you slime!”

  3. This one’s called “Life’s not
    This one’s called “Life’s not blue as long as you have a window.” Sing it with me!

  4. “Here’s another Rolling
    “Here’s another Rolling Stones favorite: ‘Time is on my side, yes it is. Now you always say that you want to be free…'”

  5. “That’s life, there’s no
    “That’s life, there’s no denying
    You’re in for life, so stop your crying…”

  6. Here is one I wrote when I
    Here is one I wrote when I was in Folsom with “the
    Man” Igot caught when my truck broke Down and I was on the way to take grandma to the Dairy Queen.

  7. When I get out I expect to
    When I get out I expect to play near Carnegie Hall. It will be at the hall-corridor leading to Carnegie Hall

  8. I am sorry that you’ll be
    I am sorry that you’ll be executed tonight. Would you like to buy my guitar?

  9. 1. “Hello, I’m Johnny Cash..
    1. “Hello, I’m Johnny Cash…and you’re Napoleon.”

    2. “Common, get in the spirit…This is a sing-along.”

  10. “OK, I admit this is a little
    “OK, I admit this is a little long. There are more bars to this song than there are in this prison.!”

  11. Just because I am in jail
    Just because I am in jail does not make me stupid..that song..
    Cash..I helped him write it!

  12. Just because I am in jail
    Just because I am in jail does not mean I am stupid.. I was
    In jail with the great one..I helped him write that song.

  13. Don’t be sad. Just imagine if
    Don’t be sad. Just imagine if Donald Trump or any one of the others running for President was your cellmate.

  14. Somewhere, there’s a place
    Somewhere, there’s a place for us, hold my hand and we’re half way there

  15. 1. Trust me, after listening
    1. Trust me, after listening to me sing for five years, you’ll be happy when they give you the chair.”

    2. Be happy, you’ve got a front row seat.

    3. “99 days till I get my parole
    99 days till parole
    If I should get caught in a dining room brawl
    199 days till I get my parole

  16. “Uhhh, ahhh- that’s the sound
    “Uhhh, ahhh- that’s the sound of the men working on the chain gang.”

  17. “Whatever you think, I’m much
    “Whatever you think, I’m much better at singing than writing fraudulent checks.”

  18. “I’d like to dedicate this
    “I’d like to dedicate this next number to the warden: ‘You ain’t nothing but a hound dog…and you ain’t no friend of mine.'”

  19. “You’ll appreciate my singing
    “You’ll appreciate my singing much more when it covers up your chipping a hole in the wall.”

  20. 1. “Hey, if you don’t like my
    1. “Hey, if you don’t like my singing, why don’t you just pick up and leave?”

    2. “What did you expect when you got transferred to Sing Sing?”

  21. “I’m the prison’s strolling
    “I’m the prison’s strolling guitar at inmates last meals.”

  22. “I’m part of the warden’s
    “I’m part of the warden’s ‘cruel and unusual punishment’ program.”

  23. I’m playing this for you so
    I’m playing this for you so you’ll be happy to get the electric chair.

    “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU” Sorry, I know this isn’t your birthday but it’s the only song I know.

  25. They put me in jail because I
    They put me in jail because I killed this guy who didn’t compliment my singing. How do you like my singing?

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).