Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 98

Contest No. 98 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission.

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions for this contest is midnight Tuesday, March 22, 2016.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your caption.


  1. Just because I came to school
    Just because I came to school with a machine gun, I wound up in your office.

  2. “Sorry Sir but Bobby is
    “Sorry Sir but Bobby is anxious to flunk out and become another Gates”

  3. I thought of becoming a
    I thought of becoming a teacher then I thought would I someday want to have to put up with someone like me.

  4. “The only guidance I need is
    “The only guidance I need is the direction to the nearest bathroom.”

  5. “Don’t let this get out, but.
    “Don’t let this get out, but…I want to become an accountant.”

  6. “I have no idea what I want
    “I have no idea what I want to be, but it’s definitely not a school guidance counselor.”

  7. “How about this; I’ll pretend
    “How about this; I’ll pretend I’m listening while you continue to pretend you really care.”

  8. “I want to apply for Harvard,
    “I want to apply for Harvard, Yale, or McDonald’s Hamburger University.”

  9. “Nuts, I thought you were a
    “Nuts, I thought you were a lawyer, cause after what I just did I’m going to need one badly!”

  10. “Well, if you really want to
    “Well, if you really want to help, just let me hide out in your office for a couple of hours.”

  11. “My dog ate my homework…and
    “My dog ate my homework…and is responsible for everything else that report says I’ve done.”

  12. “I’m having relationship
    “I’m having relationship problems with my girlfriend. When can we do this with my teacher present?”

  13. so you really don’t think
    So you really don’t think Trump University is a good choice for me?

  14. “You’re like a second father
    “You’re like a second father to me. I don’t listen to him either.”

  15. “What’s wrong with flipping
    “What’s wrong with flipping hamburgers until I can collect my social security checks?”

  16. 1. “I’m not a bully. I’m just
    1. “I’m not a bully. I’m just practicing Trump’s ‘Art of the Deal.'”

    2. “I’d love to stay longer, but I’ve got a hot date with the school nurse.”

    3. “I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may incriminate me.”

    4. “Actually, I get most of my guidance from the school janitor.”

    5. “What, no couch?”

  17. Just asking, in your opinion
    Just asking, in your opinion does this incident rise to the level of inclusion on my “Permanent Record” thingy?

  18. I hope your guidance is less
    I hope your guidance is less painfull than my fathers Kick up the Butt.

  19. 1. “As my mother would say,
    1. “As my mother would say, ‘When I want your advice I’ll ask for it.'”

    2. “So, you don’t see the job market opening up any time soon for hoverboard instructors?”

    3. “How about I don’t butt in your business and you don’t butt in mine?”

    4. “Of course I’m always getting in trouble. You know a teenager who doesn’t?”

    5.”When do they bring in the jury?”

    6. Thanks for the advice, counselor. That, and a buck twenty five, will get me on the subway.”

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).