Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 93

Contest No. 93 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission.

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions for this contest is midnight Tuesday, December 8, 2015.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your caption.


  1. “I didn’t know that when you
    “I didn’t know that when you told me you were a broker, it meant you were going to make me go broke.”

  2. “I knew I shouldn’t have
    “I knew I shouldn’t have listened to you and invested my entire savings in Yak Butter Options!”

  3. “That’s not the only ticker
    “That’s not the only ticker that’s going to crash if my stocks keep plunging.”

  4. “First you advise me to buy,
    “First you advise me to buy, then you advise me to sell, and now you advise me to just jump out the window!”

  5. “Beef futures are poised to
    “Beef futures are poised to skyrocket, potatoes are holding steady, the dessert market is at an all time high . . . .Now will you come home for dinner?”

  6. I’ve decided to take all my
    I’ve decided to take all my savings and invest it with your financial company. I am happy to give you $15.

  7. “I’d like to invest in that
    “I’d like to invest in that nice young man’s new app-thingy company.”

  8. Thanks to your advice,i`ve
    Thanks to your advice, I`ve invested in chicken stock, beef stock and now I`m the Laughing Stock of my town.

  9. “I don’t understand all this
    “I don’t understand all this economic mumbo jumbo. What exactly does it mean when you tell me I’ve lost everything?”

  10. “Now you tell me you
    “Now you tell me you personally would never be crazy enough to invest in the Stock Market?”

  11. “The economy is tanking again
    “The economy is tanking again? I guess that means you’ll be moving in with your father and I.”

  12. “Your boss wears nylon
    “Your boss wears nylon stockings under his three piece suits? I was hoping for a little better insider’s information than that.”

  13. I really appreciate you
    I really appreciate you giving me the opportunity to invest with your company, Mr. Madoff.

  14. “With you, it’s always a Bull
    “With you, it’s always a Bull market. You haven’t told me the truth once.”

  15. “No, you arranging for me to
    “No, you arranging for me to ring the morning bell, will not make up for you losing my entire fortune!”

  16. You want me to invest in the
    You want me to invest in the company you invested in years ago that guarantees not to lose your hair?

  17. So I give you my $5,000,000
    So I give you my $5,000,000 to invest, you propose to me, now you tell me you lost it all and you break our engagement. I don’t think that’s nice.

  18. You want me to buy Apple
    You want me to buy Apple Stock? I’m not familiar with that ingredient. Is it a fruit, vegetable or mineral?

  19. 1. “It’s not too late for you
    1. “It’s not too late for you to become a doctor.”

    2. “The only thing on Wall Street that never goes down is your commission fee.”

    3. “This ‘Buy and Sell’ strategy isn’t working. How about we try ‘Sell and Buy?'”

  20. 1. “Well, you’ve wiped out my
    1. “Well, you’ve wiped out my retirement fund so let’s double down on my checking account.”

    2. “I’m quitting the stock market and trying something more conservative…the craps tables at Las Vegas.”

    3. “That’s your financial strategy out of this mess…just sit here, clasp our hands, and pray?!”

  21. 1. “My mother was right,
    1. “My mother was right, ‘Never buy a used car or take stock market advice from your brother-in-law.'”

    2. “What do you mean, ‘Be calm?'” I’ll be eating cat food because of your financial decisions.”

  22. Your stock certificates are
    Your stock certificates are designed like toilet paper, so that they are eventually worth something! Is that true?

  23. Last month I took your advice
    Last month I took your advice and I lost $3,000,000. I want to try again. What’s your advice this month?

  24. “Why is it that every time I
    “Why is it that every time I invest in one of your ‘sure things,’ it becomes just a ‘thing?'”

  25. “I told you to sell! Now I
    “I told you to sell! Now I know why they call it Wall Street. Talking to you is like talking to a wall.”

  26. 1. “That’s all you have to
    1. “That’s all you have to say…’You win some, you lose some?!”

    2. “You’ve wiped me out! I hope your old ticker stops, and I don’t mean the one on the wall.”

    3. “The stock market might fluctuate, but not your track record. You haven’t picked me a winner even once.”

    4. “I don’t know why they call it ‘playing’ the market? You’ve lost me ‘real’ money.”

    5. “I’ve decided not to leave my husband for you. At least he doesn’t love me for my money.”

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).