Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 80

Contest No. 80 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission.

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions for this contest is midnight Tuesday, March 3, 2015.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your caption.


  1. “Do you remember exercise and
    “Do you remember exercise and fresh air, or shall I Google them for you?”

  2. A Limerick:
    A Limerick:

    “You spend hours in here on your butt
    Surfing for gosh knows what,
    You need to get a life
    Back with me your wife,
    And out of your cyber rut.”

  3. ” . . He moved out two years
    ” . . He moved out two years ago! . . . and anyway, nobody uses dial phones to call people anymore !”

  4. “Are you planning to honor us
    “Are you planning to honor us with your company for supper, or should I just roll in the Intravenous IV ?”

  5. 1. “I assume all this time
    1. “I assume all this time your spending on the computer is revenge for all the times I said, ‘Not tonight, I have a headache.'”

    2. “Your soup is getting cold and so is our sex life.”

    3. “I never thought I’d say this, but I long for the good old days when you sat in front of the TV all night.”

  6. “If you can possibly tear
    “If you can possibly tear yourself away from whatever mindless drivel you’re watching, I need to check my own mindless drivel.”

  7. “Well this is code for, get
    “Well this is code for, get off that computer or you’ll be sleeping in that chair tonight!”

  8. “We need this room, why don’t
    “We need this room, why don’t you buy a Tablet and find a coffee shop?”

  9. “We’re done banking online.
    “We’re done banking online. That computer is slower than the lines at the bank.”

  10. “Don’t let me catch you
    “Don’t let me catch you chatting in chat rooms without your wedding ring on.”

  11. Okay Jack, you finally
    Okay Jack, you finally discovered my secret that I spend my time on the computer looking at erotic websites.

  12. 1. “It’s the same old story
    1. “It’s the same old story since Adam and Eve. The Apple ruins another marriage.”

    2. “Now that your so good at it…go clean our windows.”

    3. “Looks like you got the Apple and I got the worm.”

  13. “Ever since you discovered
    “Ever since you discovered AOL you’ve been AWOL from your family.”

  14. “I’ll just be a second
    “I’ll just be a second printing my itinerary ’cause it’s just one-way.”

  15. “The Smithsonian called, they
    “The Smithsonian called, they offered to pick up the monitor.”

  16. “I just received our bank
    “I just received our bank statement: seems you’ve become very good friends with Amazon, eBay, and HSN.”

  17. I am sorry that you saw my
    I am sorry that you saw my photo on “Married Women Looking For Sexy Men”

  18. I am so upset that you spend
    I am so upset that you spend all your time on the computer that I forgot that we were supposed to go to our daughters wedding an hour ago..

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).