Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 79

Contest No. 79 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission.

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions for this contest is midnight Tuesday, February 10, 2015.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your caption.


  1. “Between Mitt and the second
    “Between Mitt and the second-and-goal call, I wouldn’t go in there.”

  2. “I wouldn’t go in there, he’s
    “I wouldn’t go in there, he’s replaying the State of the Union.”

  3. “Sir,..Crandell from tec
    “Sir,..Crandell from tec-services is here with the Beats pairing code for your Fiio X-5.”

  4. Sir,..the sensitivity trainer
    Sir,..the sensitivity trainer is here regarding your indiscretion in the Super Bowl suite.”

  5. “Can you come back in fifteen
    “Can you come back in fifteen?, I accidentally scheduled you during his daily identity crisis.”

  6. “Sir, Eli’s intern is here,
    “Sir, Eli’s intern is here, no more captions from Critelli until contest #80.”

  7. I understand that you haven’t
    I understand that you haven’t seen your dad in 19 years, but he’s too busy to see you today.

  8. 1. Actually, his bite is
    1. Actually, his bite is bigger than his bark.”

    2. “Would you like to leave the name of your next of kin before entering?”

    3. “He always gets this way when someone orders a tuna on pumpernickel but forgets the pickle.”

  9. “Well, I am not sure: our
    “Well, I am not sure: our quarterly results came in below estimates, but more likely it’s Friday traffic to the Hamptons.

  10. He told me you would be here
    He told me you would be here to arrrest him, but he said he didn’t want to see you.

  11. You say you’re here to offer
    You say you’re here to offer my boss $400,000 for those 3 paintings in his office showing squares in black and white?

  12. 1. “The last time he gave a
    1. “The last time he gave a raise was 23 years ago…and that was to himself.”

    2. “If that’s a chart of our plummeting sales, I suggest you turn it upside down before handing it to him.”

    3. “If he goes for his letter opener…duck!”

  13. Go Figaro! He can’t focus on
    Go Figaro! He can’t focus on the football pool right now – he’s still too upset that his opera got cancelled.

  14. “Sir,..I know you pretended
    “Sir,..I know you pretended not to hear
    But the Board made it perfectly clear,
    Even though we make diesels
    We still can get measles,
    So the nurse with your booster is here.”

  15. You haven’t been “Salesman of
    You haven’t been “Salesman of the Year” since 1994. Why should he want to see you?

  16. 1. “Oh, that’s nothing. He
    1. “Oh, that’s nothing. He always looks like that when he accidentally glances at the picture on his desk of his wife.”

    2. “He’ll be right with you. He’s busy firing the whole staff.”

  17. “Sir,…Beasley from supplies
    “Sir,…Beasley from supplies is here. Do you want a Surface-Pro, Gamer, Android, or your usual Mead lined and #2 medium point?”

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).