Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 78

Contest No. 78 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission.

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions for this contest is midnight Tuesday, January 20, 2015.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your caption.


  1. They forgot to build the hole
    They forgot to build the hole thingy where we slip the tickets through, so I’m afraid all train departures are delayed at this time until this issue is fixed.

  2. “No, your conviction doesn’t
    “No, your conviction doesn’t bother me. I just met someone with hair.”

  3. 1. “Sorry, you have the wrong
    1. “Sorry, you have the wrong number.”

    2. “I’m leaving you for the warden.”

    3. “I got $2.95 for your golf clubs at my garage sale.”

    4. “I stashed the 2 million under the sink. They’re monitoring this conversation, are they?”.

  4. 1. “This will be my last call
    1. “This will be my last call. I’ve moved on to wireless.”

    2. “I can’t stand watching you like this…but when I sit, it’s fine.”

    3. “You’re seeing another ‘ball and chain,’ aren’t you?”

  5. “You’re innocent, Charles. I
    “You’re innocent, Charles. I speak with conviction.”
    “One more day and then you’re free to come home and trim those hedges.”
    “I told you not to touch that mattress tag.”
    “Come on, Georgie. Just once, for me. Say, ‘Hello, Clarice…'”

  6. I told you before you rebbed
    I told you before you robbed the grocery store that it was owned by a policman.

  7. 1. “I never liked you in
    1. “I never liked you in orange.”

    2. “Not only won’t they grant us conjugal visits, they won’t even let us conjugate verbs together.”

    3. “Maybe now you’ll appreciate my cooking.”

    4. “Next time, just stick to stealing pencils from the bank.”

    5. “Next time, don’t designate me the getaway driver. I told you I can’t drive.”

  8. Hey look on the bright side,
    Hey look on the bright side, I’ll be able to spend some quality time with your mother.

  9. Hey look on the bright side
    Hey look on the bright side we can cancel our dinner reservations with the Olson’s?

  10. 1. “Don’t worry, the kids and
    1. “Don’t worry, the kids and I are doing fine, in fact, very fine.”

    2. “Next time, just stick to stealing pens from the bank.”

  11. “The day you see an empty
    “The day you see an empty chair here, is the day after the embezzlement stash runs out.”

  12. The house is in foreclosure,
    The house is in foreclosure, the car was repossessed, the kids have taken my maiden name, and do you recall our Samba instructor?”

  13. “We could be sipping Sangria
    “We could be sipping Sangria if you hadn’t scoffed at my list of non-extradition countries.”

  14. “The pro-bono firm’s DNA
    “The pro-bono firm’s DNA sample, that would have exonerated you, was lost by the Postal Service.

  15. “I’ll be waiting for you or
    “I’ll be waiting for you or my divorce papers. Which ever comes first.”

  16. “Honey I’ve written you a
    “Honey I’ve written you a Limerick”:

    My loving husband got caught
    And the DA plea bargain would not,

    So instead of coins
    I employed my loins,

    And a commutation you got.”

  17. “Robbing a bank, getting
    “Robbing a bank, getting caught, going to prison for 20 years…that I can accept. But forgetting our anniversary!”

  18. “This is what you get for not
    “This is what you get for not wearing that ski mask I knitted for you.”

  19. “Well, you finally came up
    “Well, you finally came up with a good excuse for not coming home all night.”

  20. . . .and not only that, but
    . . .and not only that, but now he’s going to try to raise the tax on capital gains..

  21. I don’t understand ,why would
    I don’t understand why you would pay for it when you can get from me for free ?

  22. Hey look on the bright side,
    Hey look on the bright side, as we age time moves a lot quicker, 20 years should be a cake walk for you.

  23. You just don’t listen, I said
    You just don’t listen, I said monogamy is the path to a good relationship not polygamy.

  24. so, cheer up honey…mother
    so, cheer up honey…mother is coming to live with us and we will wait for you no matter how long it takes!!!!

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).