Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 76

Contest No. 76 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission.

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions for this contest is midnight Tuesday, November 25, 2014.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your caption.


  1. I’ll tell you my first lesson
    I’ll tell you my first lesson, but first everyone please come up and give me a $20 bill.

  2. “I demanded a million dollars
    “I demanded a million dollars to speak to you today. Now that’s chutzpah!”

  3. 1. “It seems the organizers
    1. “It seems the organizers assumed everyone here would know what chutzpah means…Now that’s chutzpah.”

    2. “To be honest, as your senator, I haven’t done one thing for this state in almost four years. I am now announcing I will be running for another term. That, my friends, is chutzpah!”

  4. “Please leave your social
    “Please leave your social security number and a signed blank check on the table as you leave. God bless you.”

  5. 1. “I’m not sorry I’m three
    1. “I’m not sorry I’m three hours late.”

    2. “I have no ideas on this topic, but here I am.”

    3. “I’ll be passing around a plate for tips.”

    4. “I sat down last night to prepare for this speech, but decided instead to watch reruns of Gilligan’s Island.”

    5. “I’m Hillary Clinton and you’re not.”

    6. “Everybody turn off your cell phones so I can hear if mine rings.”

    7. “I can’t believe I dressed up to talk before such an unappealing audience.”

    8. “I’m an alcoholic… but look a lot better than the rest of you.”

    9. “It’s the next best thing to having talent.”

    10. “It comes in handy when your telemarketing during dinner hours.”

  6. 1. “I credit all my success
    1. “I credit all my success to having chutzpah and laying a guilt trip on everyone I know.”

    2. Please hold your applause until I finish my first sentence.”

    3. “First, I would like to thank my mentors: Me, Myself, and I.”

    4. “Don’t be afraid to ask for whatever you want. By the way, there will be no question and answer period after my speech.”

  7. We just increased the ticket
    We just increased the ticket price for the Charles Manson wedding for all who are interested, cash only please.

  8. And now, former Vice
    And now, former Vice President Dick Cheney will offer some advice about foreign policy to President Obama.

  9. Bake & Pie sale to help raise
    Bake & Pie sale to help raise money for obesity sensitivity & common sense awareness.

  10. Could the person who asked
    Could the person who asked for anonymity on this sensitive issue please raise your hand ?

  11. “And the first prize for
    “And the first prize for having the most chutzpah goes to Al Lipsky for having 82 items on a ’10 item only line’ at the supermarket.”

  12. 1. “All those who bought
    1. “All those who bought cheap tickets but took a seat in the front row, please stand. Congratulations, you have a lot of chutzpah!”

    2. “There’ll be refreshments after the meeting. We’re all going to crash the wedding upstairs.”

  13. “Chutzpah” means being
    “Chutzpah” means being elected Vice-President, agreeing 100% with the President, and then picking-up a pay check!

  14. Don’t miss tomorrow’s topic
    Don’t miss tomorrow’s topic of “Meshegunah” for those crazy enough to pay $100 for today’s speech. It’s at the bargain-basement price of $200.

  15. “Chutzpah is having nerve on
    “Chutzpah is having nerve on steroids.”

    “It’s the ultimate sense of entitlement.”

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).