Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 72

Contest No. 72 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission.

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions for this contest is midnight Tuesday, September 2, 2014.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your caption.


  1. 1. “I see a long dark tunnel
    1. “I see a long dark tunnel with a light at the end…What a waste of electricity.”

    2. “I was bouncing back until I saw the hospital bill.”

    3. “If it’s contagious, get my no good brother-in-law here.”

    4. “My only regret is that I could have saved 15% on my car insurance.”

    5. “I just cut you both out of my will. I haven’t felt this good in years.”

    6. I’m leaving all my money to the nurse. She’s the only one who ever fluffed up my pillow.”

  2. 1. “Finally, a foursome. When
    1. “Finally, a foursome. When do we tee off?”

    2. “You think this is sad? Wait till you read my will.”

    3. “I always told you that I would go first. Now nurse, get me a bed pan.”

  3. “Ted, I’m leaving you my
    “Ted, I’m leaving you my business and my wife. I also told the nurse to keep my hospital bed warm for you.”

  4. 1. “Why Edna, I haven’t seen
    1. “Why Edna, I haven’t seen you this sad since you said “I do.”

    2. “Nurse, I said bring me my enema, not my enemies.”

    3. “I’ll see you on the other side… of the bed, just the bed!”

    4. “It’s true, ‘Where there’s a will, there’s a way,’ and I figured out a way to cut you out of my will.”

    5. ” Mildred, I’m sorry I was such a work-a-holic, but it was either that or spend more time with you.

    6. “Nurse, for my entire adult life I supported my brother and wife, and now they want to take me off life support!”

    7. “Nurse, meet my cheating wife and her lover. I’ve called them here to tell them I’m deathly contagious..*cough*.”

    8. “I’m fading. Quick, tell me which one of you is Moe, Larry, or Curly?”

    9. “Harry, you can have my wife…Just remember, there’s no cure.”

    10. “I’ve prepared for this moment and I’m ready to go. Nurse, bring me my bed pan.”

  5. We came to tell you that the
    We came to tell you that the officials have decided to give you a 500 yard handicap in tomorrows NYC Marathon race.

  6. Sweetheart, I’m standing with
    Sweetheart, I’m standing with the man I want to marry after we get a divorce. Could you be our best man?

  7. Doctor Shmutz, I am enjoying
    Doctor Shmutz, I am enjoying my freedom lying in bed. Why did you bring my miserable wife to visit me?

  8. Doctor Shmutz, I’m here
    Doctor Shmutz, I’m here because I have a bad cold. Why did you assign this nurse to me when she’s a specialist in proctology?

  9. Dr. Schmutz I know you’re
    Dr. Schmutz I know you’re standing next to my wife, but can you arrange for me to go home with the nurse?

  10. 1. “Et tu Bruce, Tess?”
    1. “Et tu Bruce, Tess?”
    2. “Et tu Bro, Tess?”
    3. “I only regret that I have but one life to give for my HMO…NOT!”

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).