Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 70

Contest No. 70 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission.

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions for this contest is midnight Tuesday, July 22, 2014.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your caption.


  1. 1. “And I’m not coming back
    1. “And I’m not coming back until you get me a flat TV screen.”

    2. “You’re worse than the cat. He also just sleeps, eats, and stares out the window…but at least he cleans himself.”

  2. I love going door to door
    I love going door to door selling luggage so you can enjoy watching TV.

  3. 1. “Mother was right. I
    1. “Mother was right. I should have married your sister.”

    2. “You’re a lazy bum…No, actually you work very hard at being one.”

    3. “Well, for goodness sake!. Why didn’t you ask for another beer before I decided to leave you?”

  4. I’m going back to my mother.
    I’m going back to my mother. You don’t even allow me to put a chair next to you so I can watch the TV!!

  5. 1.”I’ll give you credit for
    1.”I’ll give you credit for one thing. You did teach the dog to play dead by following your example.”

    2. Can’t you find something else to do besides watching TV and entering Cartoon Caption Contests?”

  6. 1. “The only good idea you’ve
    1. “The only good idea you’ve ever had is for us to go on separate vacations.”

    2. “I could handle your football games coming before me…but not soccer.”

    3. “Don’t forget to feed the dog, pay the bills, mow the lawn, do the laundry, and…Oh, forget it, I better just stay home.”

    4. “You’ll want to watch The Animal Channel…It’s Sloth Week.”

    5. Mother was right, I would have been better off marrying a llama.”

    6. “I left the gas on. Why don’t you light up another cigar.”

    7. “When he said, ‘Don’t touch that dial,’ he didn’t mean forever.”

  7. 1. “No, I will not give you a
    1. “No, I will not give you a lift on the way to my mother.”

    2. “You won’t survive five minutes without the remote.”

    3. “I’ll see you on Jerry Springer next week.”

    4. “You’re hopeless. The picture tube burned out two weeks ago!”

    5. “You’re so pathetic, I’m leaving you for a lawyer.”

    6. “If you can take a three year ‘staycation,’ I can go to Disneyland for the weekend.”

    7. “No, I will not make you a mac-‘n’-cheese for old times sake.”

    8. “Trying to put on the old charm again, huh?”

  8. 1. “Just in case you’re
    1. “Just in case you’re wondering, I lived here for 20 years.”

    2. “That’s not halftime. The football season ended six month ago.”

    3. “Harry, Scooby Doo is never coming back, so get over it.”

    3. “THIS is reality! You might want to try it sometime besides watching it on TV.

    4. I’m sick and tired of you asking me, ‘Do you know 15 minutes can save you 15% or more on car insurance?”

    5. “Harvard just told me they don’t have any records of you doing a 20 year PHD dissertation on the effects of watching TV 20 hours a day.”

  9. “The least you could do is
    “The least you could do is shave to celebrate my leaving you”

  10. 1.”It’s called ‘Walking out
    1.”It’s called ‘Walking out on you,’ but then, you wouldn’t know much about walking.”

    2. “I’d ask you to help me, but I wouldn’t want to pull you away from the test pattern.”

    3. “I’m not leaving you anything! I just said I’m leaving you.”

    4. “Have a nice life…if you ever get one!”

    5. “I don’t consider your recognition of my existence during commercials ‘quality time.'”

    6. “Yes, it is ironic I’m leaving you for the cable guy.”

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).