Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 65

Contest No. 65 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission.

Starting with this contest, I’m going to hold off posting any submitted captions for a few days. My reasoning is that nobody should feel intimidated by seeing captions that might be similar to their initial gag inspiration. So no captions will appear for a few days — and when they do appear, it will be in the order of submission, as usual. Let’s see if it works and if we can get a greater diversity and quantity of captions.

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions for this contest is midnight Tuesday, April 8, 2014.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your caption.



  1. (As I said, there will be a

    (As I said, there will be a delay of a few days before I post any captions)

  2. 1. “From the sound of your
    1. “From the sound of your wife, I don’t think this marriage counseling is going to work unless she joins us in these sessions.”

    2. “Ms. Williams, calm down. You don’t have to get us coffee.”

    3. Ms. Dithers, hold all my calls…especially my wife’s.”

    4. “If you can turn down the ringer volume on this new phone, you’ve got the job.”

    5. ” Relax, if you ran out of corn beef, just send up a pastrami on rye.”

  3. “Yes, the dingbat candidate
    “Yes, the dingbat candidate *is* still here.”

    “How well do you deal with aggressive sales calls?”

  4. The boss says he saw you
    The boss says he saw you walking into my office, and that I shouldn’t hire you since you look like a moron. Goodbye.


  5. 1. “My wife would like you to
    1. “My wife would like you to verify that I really am working late.”

    2. “I’d like to hire you but I just got fired.”

  6. “Fear not, Mr Chadwick – it’s
    “Fear not, Mr Chadwick – it’s a piece of conceptual art. The real phone is unplugged and kept locked in my desk drawer.”

  7. Mr. Jones, please ignore the
    Mr. Jones, please ignore the phone call. My wife is yelling that I’m ignoring her.

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).