Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 60

Contest No. 60 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”. Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission.

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions for this contest is midnight Tuesday, December 17, 2013.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your caption. Yes, it’s another very old one of mine. How old?  All I know is that my rubber stamp on the back shows the address of the second tenement in Brooklyn where I lived with my mother, father and brother. Not the first tenement — we had to leave that one because my parents couldn’t come up with the rent. Anyway, it’s pretty old.


  1. “Take the escalator to the
    “Take the escalator to the third floor, and no, you can’t sit on my damn lap.”

  2. 1. “What can I tell you? The
    1. “What can I tell you? The elves are on strike and the reindeer have hoof and mouth disease.”

    2. I haven’t the faintest idea where you can get two front teeth.”

    3. “Bicycle? See the other fake Santa in the toy department.”

    4. “I sleep with the beard out. What else you want to know?”

    5. “Don’t judge so fast. You have any idea how much insurance for 400 elves is costing me now with Obamacare?”

  3. 1. “Times are tough, kid. The
    1. “Times are tough, kid. The toys are still free but I gotta charge for shipping and handling.”

    2. “It was either this or giving out free samples at a Revlon kiosk.”

    3. No, I’m not real. I’m the store detective staking out shop lifters.”

  4. 1. “Sorry, I don’t make house
    1. “Sorry, I don’t make house calls anymore.”

    3. “Hose, Hose, Hose, men’s accessories, 5th floor.

    3. “Sorry, I only drop ship from China now.”

    4. ” I don’t care what Virginia told you, there is no real Santa Clause.”

    5. “I got fired from the Complaint Department. I was too jolly.”

  5. 1. “I got tired of leakage on
    1. “I got tired of leakage on my lap.”

    2. “I can’t compete with Ebay and Amazon.”

    3. “I couldn’t keep up with Rooftop Landing Fees imposed by the FAA.”

    4. “Gotta raise some extra cash for my tummy-tuck operation.”

    5.”It became too dangerous dodging all those drones.”

    6. “Keep this to yourself and I’ll take you off the naughty list.”

    7. “This isn’t so bad…They’ve got the elves cleaning the restrooms.”

    8. “Believe me kid, there’s nothing more real than an out of work actor.”

    9. “I gotta cut back this year…Batteries are NOT included.”

    10. “Well, his nose isn’t really red…it’s more auburn.”

  6. “Yea, that was me kissing
    “Yea, that was me kissing Mommy under the mistletoe last night. Got a problem with that?”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).