Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 51

Contest No. 51 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I’ll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on “Add New Comment”. Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click “Save”.

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions for this contest is midnight Tuesday, June 11, 2013.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

This is the drawing that needs your caption:


  1. “I’m sorry, but Mr. Abernathy
    “I’m sorry, but Mr. Abernathy can’t see you now. He just climbed out his window and entered the witness protection program.”

  2. 1. “Mr. Bloom, there are two
    1. “Mr. Bloom, there are two men here insisting on tying you up, but I told them you are already tied up for the day.”

    2. “Sorry, we are not presently accepting extortions.”

    3. “You’ll have to wait in the waiting room like everyone else, except, of course, if that’s a gun in your pocket.”

    4. “Mr. Smith, your 10 PM knee cap adjustment is here.”

    5. “I’m sorry, our petty cash won’t cover that gambling debt you’re here for.”

    (Cary Antebi wrote to say that these “anonymous” captions came from him, but he forgot to add his name) — Eli

  3. Mr. Jones, the gentlemen
    Mr. Jones, the gentlemen insist that they have an appointment but they do not. Shall I politely show them the door???

  4. Gentlemen your resume
    Gentlemen your resume indicates you are in
    the protection business. Unfortunately we presently
    do not have any positions available for you.

  5. 1. “Sorry, he’s out to lunch.
    1. “Sorry, he’s out to lunch. By the looks of things, he should be back in about 30 years.”

    2. “Mr. Bradly, did you order coffee with two mugs?”

    3. It’s your wife’s lawyers. They’ve come to settle out of court.”

    4. “Sounds good. They want to make you an offer you can’t refuse.”

    5. “Gentlemen, you’ll have to walk over my dead body to see him without an appointment. Wait, let me rephrase that!”

    6. “Hello, security…you’re fired.”

    7. “I’ll tell him, but I doubt he’ll want to sleep with the fishes.”

    8. “Mr. Tyler, your book keeper and your bookie are here to see you.”

    9. “You’re here to sell Girl Scout Cookies? You’ll have to do better than that to get in without an appointment.

    10. “It’s not, ‘We don’t need no lousy appointment to see Mr. Higgins.” It’s, ‘We don’t need any.'”

  6. Speaking of taking your
    Speaking of taking your medicine…You’ve Two side effects here to see you!”

  7. “Hello, Stern, Stern, Stern,
    “Hello, Stern, Stern, Stern, and Stern…soon to be Stern, Stern, and Stern.”

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).