Eli’s Cartoon Caption Contest No. 36

Contest No. 36 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I'll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on "Add New Comment". Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) enter the anti-spam security code that assures me that you're a human being and not a machine, and (4) click "Save". There is no limit on the number of captions you can submit for each drawing.

Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption. The cut-off time and date for you to submit your captions for this contest is midnight Tuesday, May 22, 2012.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption).

Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny caption. Since I drew this quite a while ago, I would like to make it clear that that's supposed to be a really elderly convict, talking to a really elderly visitor. Go for it!


  1. “In retrospect, I shouldn’t
    “In retrospect, I shouldn’t have tried to sneak into the third movie.”

  2. It’s great seeing you after
    It’s great seeing you after all these many years, Martha.
    Martha? Martha? Hey, wake up!!

  3. Gladys, did you remember to
    Gladys, did you remember to bring me the “Swimsuit Issue” like I asked? I need some type of escape here.

  4. I’m so cut off from the world
    I’m so cut off from the world, Agnes. Tell me, is gas still around 85 cents a gallon? Is bread still 49 cents a loaf? Is Lawrence Welk still making music?

  5. 1. What do you mean your
    1. What do you mean you’re leaving me?…I’ll be out in only eighty years.”

    2. “Martha, I keep telling you…I’m not a bank teller, and I can’t cash your checks.”

    3. “How’s my Oprah book club doing without me?”

    4. “Forty years down… forty to go.”

    5. “I’m marrying a man.”

    6. “I turned down the parole board’s reprieve. Contrary to you, my cell mate doesn’t nag me or tell me to take out the garbage.”

    7. “Can you visit me just once without telling me to sit up straight.”

    8. “I can forgive you for ratting me out and marrying my business partner…but selling my golf clubs?!”

    9. “Let see, we don’t hug and kiss any more, we only talk to each other fifteen minutes a month, and I hang out every night with the boys…so nothing has really changed.”

    10. “For the thousandth time…I won’t be coming home early tonight.”

  6. Why are you wearing a hat,
    Why are you wearing a hat, coat and carrying a pocketbook when I’m the one visiting you?

  7. “I could have gotten away
    “I could have gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for those meddling kids.”

  8. 1. “They say I’ve been here
    1. “They say I’ve been here for forty years but the best part is, I can’t remember anything past yesterday.”

    2. “What do I have to say after you ratted me out and stole my cash?…Next window, please.”

    2. “The warden told me today I could have a conjugal visit or soup… The split pea was delicious.”

    3.” Thank goodness I still have my faculties. Now, give me a $5 ticket on ‘Sea-biscuit’, to win.”

    4. “Some ‘Bonnie and Clydes’ we turned out to be…You forgot where you parked the getaway car, and I forgot why I went into the bank!”

    5. “Well, you finally got your wish…they make me clean the laundry here.”

  9. “Ethel, your brother’s misuse
    “Ethel, your brother’s misuse of the Stayman Convention justified my assault.”

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Welcome to the Eli Stein Cartoon archive. To begin, read my introduction and personal notes, and then please look at the cartoons, which are categorized by either decade, publication name or topic. I’ve included some personal comments, memories and photos below many of the cartoons. I’ll be adding cartoons, memories and photos ad infinitum. Remember, your comments are appreciated (just click on the “comment” link at the bottom of each post).